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I have just lost my oldest daughter to lung cancer, She was only 35 and a non smoker, I was divorced after a long term marraige about four years ago. I thought that my life was over then and it took a long time to heal from that, A year and a half ago my daughter was diagnosed with lung cancer, She fought bravely but died almost one month ago. I dont know how to do this. Nothing is real or feels right, I see a therapist but I feel like I am watching someone else live my life,Eileen

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So sorry to hear about your loss and pain. I hurt with you just hearing about it. At first I thought I wouldn't write, because I never lost a daughter, and wouldn't know what to say. But I know what it feels like to lose someone and hurt. You've probably been hurting for a long time. Does the therapist help? When you say you feel like you're watching someone else live you life, what does that mean? Like just going through the motions? I pray you can find some comfort with God, and His peace. God bless you, Eileen. Please keep writing if it helps. A
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Eileen, I am truly sorry for your loss. My love
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Eileen, I am truly sorry for your loss. My love & prayers are with you at this difficult time. It sounds like you have been through other losses in life & with God's help, you will come through this too. ~hugs~
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Eileen, my heart goes out to you. Just keep doing it daily. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. As I was reading a book on grieving and loss (not just physical death), and there is no easy way through it and no time frame to heal. Cry if you feel like crying, and don't hide emotions. You have all our ears (okay, eyes) to read and cry with you.

Keep looking up and stay with your therapist. He/She will be a great help to you.
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Hi Eileen, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter, I will try to help. 27 years ago this March I lost my 13 year old son to a drowning/hypothermia accident. He died with two of his friends. They were missing from March 26 to April 19th when their bodies were found by a fisherman at 6 a.m. in the morning of the 19th. I wanted to hold him when i identified him but could not for obvious reasons. He could not have a open casket, the only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I had a 14 month old son that I tried 10 years to conceive with several operations and 42 hysteosalpinograms. I still wanted to die. It hurt to shower, I couldn't keep food in my stomach, I had no interest in anyone, all I could think about was he would never graduate, he would never goto a prom he would never kiss a girl, well you get the picture and your mind can drive you absolutely crazy. I have since learned there are worse things in this world than death. We are all born and we all have to die, some younger than others some more horiffic deaths but we still have to die. I said in the funeral home I expected to buy Stephen all sorts of things but never a casket. It still hurts today with the anniversary of his death approaching and it always will. I cry tears for you I am hurting for you to. Please know you are loved, do what God wants you to do and you will be reunited in a world so much better than this one, yes this life is wonderful at times, but Jesus said let me carry that cross for you, let me give rest to the heavy laden. You are loved and thought of did you know besides God there are 15 other people in this world you don't even know about that love you did you ever get that email. Someone thinks of you all the time you are not alone. I hope you know there are alot of caregivers out here who care, and a lot of mothers who have lost one or more of their children and we can be strong knowing it is all part of Gods plan. neon xoxoxo
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eileen, neon i am sorry for both of you. hang in girls this has to be a tough time for both of you. hopefully your loved ones are in a better place. i believe they are. stay strong
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Eileen,

I am so sorry for your loss. Many years ago I watched my mom grieve when my brother died at a young age. Just hold on to what is good & everyone on this site will be there for you. Losing your daughter after a brave battle with cancer is a very deep & private grief that we many never fully understand, but we can all empathize and be there today, tomorrow and 10 years from now. Loss has no timeline, neither does love or fellowship. Please take care & let us lend an ear or shoulder if you need one.

Cat
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Eileen, I also just lost my only daughter on February 10, age 35, non-smoker to lung cancer, bone, brain, and breast cancer. I grieve with you as only a mother can. Yes, sometimes everything seems surreal and I can't quite get my mind around it, but I am so glad to tell you that there is one who can comfort you like no other. There is one who is closer than your next breath. When answers aren't enough, there is Jesus. As much as we loved our daughters, he loves them, and us, even more. He gave his life to conquer death so we might live on eternally with him. Death for my daughter was simply stepping through the doorway from this old life of pain and sorrow into her new life of absolute joy. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she is waiting to greet me and I will see her again. Until then, we will miss our children more than words can express and there will always be a void in our families. But aren't we blessed to have had our beautiful daughters for 35 wonderful years!? I wouldn't want mine to come back to the pain and I'm glad she is now pain free and whole. We can go back in our memories and relive all the fun and grand times with our girls any time we want to. No one can ever take their history away from us. My brother-in-law lost his only child, his son, unexpectedly at age 13 and was devastated. He didn't have time to say goodbye like we did. I'm so thankful for that time! He told me it gets easier after a while when the wound isn't so fresh. Just take it one day at a time along with me, and we'll heal. There are still others who love us and need our love. Hugs, Kathy
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I can not begin to imagine the heartache you ladies have endured. I have no words, only prayers for you all to have God's hands on your hearts to get thru this. God Bless
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Neon and Ehoff I am so very sorry for your losses and may God bless you both.
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Neon, Eileen, and Kathy ~ My heart too goes out to all of you for the unimaginable losses of your children. My daughters are still here but in some ways I have lost them in distance and miscommunication yet still knowing they are alive and well means so much so I try not to think of anything beyond that. I am more a believer in death being a change in dimension and that we are all eternal souls. I feel your pain. I too believe that we have a forever connection with those we love. Randyl
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Eileen, I feel for you my father just passed on the 2nd of march and I feel the same as you I only feel like I am going thru the motions , like an out of body experience. take care and god bless you and your family.. Meg
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what do all of y ou do this is so sad. i am so sorry for your loss . wish i could change things nohelp here
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We just take one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. Thats all you can do and we know our children are in a better place and that we will be reunited with them one day. Just to have one more hug is a emotion so strong its unbelieveable. So I take all the hugs I can from my remaining son. they feel the same to me and I am thankful. The sun comes up each morning and the only thing you can do is live the day in the best way you can. Remember the good times and cry if you need to (if you can) I cried so many tears when my son died I think I dried up. But now after 27 years I feel one tear squeeze its self out occasionally. I had a friend once who said to me If Stephen were here what would he tell you, I didn't have to think hard He would have said Mom please don't cry its okay. So I take comfort in the fact that he is in a better place, He reached his goal before I did so he will be waiting for me, thus I am not afraid to die, I've given my life to Jesus and do what he tells me to do. I take every opportunity to help a child in need no matter what the need. I don't believe I would be so involved in community affairs that effect children if it were not for him passing. No child should have to live a life of neglect, fear and pain. I hope some day I am in a position to have a home to take some of those children in and show them what love, direction, and honest hard work will make them strong, well developed adults. Get them out of the rut they are in. Thank you all for your love and cherish your children, if you are at odds with them pray for guidance to get back on track, once they are gone it is too late. But I also believe that where they are they know everything, and they know how much we loved them and still do and cared for them. Cherokeebaby7 when my son died I too felt out of body experience I knew he was dead when everyone was out looking for him and I could see myself across the room telling my husband it was a waste of time because he was dead it was just a matter of finding his body which they did 24 days later. It was wierd. That is when I realized we have no control in this life God has all the control so we must surrender to Him. Have a great day everyone Spring is coming and that is rebirth. Neon
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Dear Eileen,

I'm sorry for your loss. The type of loss that you experience is the one we most dread. However in my short 28 years of life, I feel like a whole lifetime has been forced into my head. I feel tired, I feel 60 and I feel sick of certain things with this life. I'm not bitter, I have 3 kids and I'm married. My kids are what keeps me going and if for some reason they weren't here anymore I'd be waiting for the day I die. At least that's how I thought up until my Mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in January (terminal). It's a torture to see my mom die slowly in front of me, she's got months but I asked her today how long she feels she has left and she says "weeks". I am not going to give up and I told her she can't either until we win or lose. When I said that I realized that it should apply to the way we live life no matter what problems cross us. We have to make sure we don't give up no matter what the outcome. God will recognize our efforts, he will know that we appreciate the life he gave us. Take Care buddy and hang in there because that's the right thing to do.

Daniel
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Here's something to think about, for all those suffering with loss. Imagine being surrounded by everyone you've ever loved, friends, family wrapped in unimaginable love for eternity. That's what heaven is to me. That's what we have to look forward to and just what our loved ones are experiencing now. We struggle with heartache and disappointment, fear and doubt, failure and discouragement, pain and suffering every day. Take solace in knowing they will never know any of that ever again. Just know that their spirit lives on forever, look at the sky sometime, and open your heart and you will know what I say is true. Wipe your tears and breathe deeply the breath of life, know they are in a place we cannot ever imagine with our earthly minds. Take comfort in knowing that you will be with them again, wrapped in that love for eternity.
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Thanks to all who have posted so far. About 5 hrs ago we received news that our 33 yr old daughter might have a malignant, fast-growing tumor in her uterus. I can't sleep and reading this thread has been very helpful. My wife is very devout and is handling this as best as can be expected with LARGE doses of prayer. Tonight I asked her, "what do you do now, when the situation gets worse?" She said "keep praying. The praying isn't to chg the situation, the praying is to chg YOU." I guess I don't understand or perhaps I lack faith. Nothing this serious has ever happened to me in 62 yrs...
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Dear Bill, my heart goes out to you and your wife, she is so right. This did not happen because of God. It is never too late to grow your faith. Go to your nearest Church of Christ,m not of latter day saint's the people there will welcome you with open arms and help you to understand this tragedy now engulfing your family, I to will pray for your daughter please give me her first name God wants to know who I am specifically praying for. The strides for the cure of cancer have made huge steps that doesn't mean that all types can be cured. Your daughter will have a hard road to traVEL AND SHE WILL NEED A SUPPORT SYSTEM THAT SURPASSES NOTHING ELSE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. wITH gOD AT THE HELM SHE IS SURELY TO MAKE GREAT PROGRESS sorry about this I have a broken finger and my typing isn't what it used to be. May God be with your family in this time of need. In Christian love Cheryl
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Bless you dear friend for reaching out and your caring words
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Dear Eileen, my hugs and prayers are with you. My only daughter also died of cancer at age 35 (lung, bone, brain, originally breast cancer) in February of last year. That feeling of watching someone else's life is exactly how I felt for several months. There will always be an aching void, but I am learning to go on with my life like I know she would want me to do. It takes time to come out of the fog of grief; just keep plodding on through each day, one at a time, and gradually you will be able to see the sun again. Sometimes we miss them so much we can't stand it and the tears flow. But those days will gradually be less often. Just as we encouraged them to keep fighting, to be brave, and treasure every moment of happiness, now we who remain can be encouraged to continue on remembering their smiles and the joy they brought us. There is a wonderful poem that may be a comfort to you, as it has been to me, that partially says "I'm just in the next room. I am I and you are you and what we were to each other, that we still are. So laugh, smile, play, and think of me. Let my name be ever the household word is always was." God is in the heart healing business and he has a special tenderness for the grieving. Fall into the everlasting arms and let him share your grief, then let him begin the healing. You are loved. Remember, hope lives on, and love remains.
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Dear Eileen,

I lost my father and my sister to cancer as well. I honestly wanted to "go with my father" when he died 3 weeks before my college graduation. I felt that life was over. Nothing was the same. Streets that seemed full of people, suddenly seemed desolate. Nothing had the same taste...I had no appetite...I went down to 87 lbs...water would not even stay in my stomach...

Then...I heard a voice that told me I had work to do before my work was finished and I could leave this life. My task is to help those that are in need.

Perhaps you have another name for "God", but whatever it may be...this is the only thing that will carry you through the kind of grief you are suffering from. My mother suffered greatly after the loss of her first born child. I watched her go from desperately grief stricken...back to the strong anchor of the family after my father's death...and God gave her that kind of strength.

We can't carry this type of grief alone...we need a higher power to give us the strength to make it through...and then go out and counsel other mothers who have lost their children.

I've told my story mostly by posts to HelloKitty who was feeling guilty about the care of her elderly parents...but I haven't spoken much of the deaths I have lived through in my immediate family...until I read your note...

I hope my words...spoken with sincerity...have helped you in some way.
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I am so so sorry for your loss, to lose a child is an unnatural and unimaginable pain...A child dying before a parent is a tragedy... I hope you find all the support you need and do what ever you have to to find some comfort and peace.
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Dear Friend,

No one can truly understand your loss, but yourself, because of the journey you took with your daughter, as she travelled the final road.
However, take heart and be at peace, with yourself, that she is in a better place, where there is no pain or suffering.
Her suffering had ended, but your pain of loss will be there for sometime, however, you take consolation, in the fact of her relief of pain and suffering and you heal yourself with the knowledge that she is in a better place.
Life will never be the same, and no one can ever get use to death, no matter how many times you encounter it, it never gets easy, however, if we look at it in the as a person's passage to eternal happiness, that brings us consolation.
I lost both my parents, about 24 years ago, three months apart, and it was a time of limbo for our whole family, however, what brought us the strength to carry on was our faith and our prayers and our belief that there were both in a better place. It took me three years to come to terms with my Dearest Mother's death, however, eventually it did happen, how - we stopped thinking of her death and began to think of her life and the wonderful things she did for us, as we were growing up and the reason why Christmases were so special, especially to her and that kept her close, to us, in our hearts and slowly eased the pain of loosing her.
She still today is very much a part of all our lives and she always will remain so, as long as we keep her in our hearts and keep on remembering the times when she was with us and thanking God for all those times.
I wish you my deepest condolence on your loss and I pray that you will find the strength to carry on - which I am sure your beloved Daughter would have wanted.
All my love and prayers
Annie
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My beautiful 25 year old daughter died of cancer 14 months ago. She was a vibrant, well adjusted young woman who was misdiagnosed with her disease. She had cancer for only 6 months before she died. To watch her in agony and lose 30 kgs in the process was torturous for myself and my husband and her two brothers. No one is to blame for the death of my gorgeous daughter. I try to so much time with her and we were able to tell each other how much we loved each other and nothing was left unsaid. The pain of losing a child is at times unbearable and I dont understand why it happens to some people. One of the hardest things I have noticed is that although people have sympathy and empathy for you...that eventually fades as life continues on but your own life seems to stop in some way. Its no ones fault, its the way we are made as human beings. We are not meant to grieve day after day because we would not cope with life. I miss my gorgeous angel but I truly believe that she has no more main, has her beautiful hair back and is with me in spirit always. Thats how I get through day to day but I can tell you that I cannot wait for the day that I see her again and I will kiss her beautiful face and give her the biggest and longest hug ever...but not yet.
Kindest Regards.
C......
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My daughter died from cervical cancer 3 months ago aged 26 she left behind 2 children aged 7 and 1 years. She had an aggressive cancer that didn't respond to radiotherapy and it broke all our hearts watching her fight so courageously but losing to a fierce opponent after only 6 months. The pain for her husband, children, brothers and sisters as well as us her parents does not get any better. We miss her every moment of every day. We are trying to get on as that is what she wanted even in her darkest times for us to say strong as a family but I really don't know how I get out of bed some days.
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Jan I am so sorry about the death of your daughter -I hope you will stay with us and this great group of people will hold you up and give you support-come here often and let us help. I can not even imagine the pain you have now.
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Back in 2009 I posted to this thread about my daughter. Today I received an update message from this site. What a great thing to come back here 3 years later and report that our daughter had an operation 2 years ago and is doing fine today. Thank you God and thank you medical community.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you, but know that in your heart your daughter will always be with you.
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sweety, youve got to cut yourself a break, im sorry for your loss, but dont let this stop you from your life. your still here, you must grieve then LET yourself be ok..you are allowed to have a good life, know that you can stay strong and be happy. hang in there, nothings easy..but your allowed to be happy.ok? stay strong
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Thank you for kind wishes and comments it is coming close to the day my Liane was diagnosed and I am finding it really hard - don't know what else to say but help
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