Hi! That’s the 2nd time my post was deleted on this particular topic. I received yet again many useful answers. But it was deleted, again.
So I’m just writing to say: Thanks Barb, JoAnn, Notgoodenough! Your words really helped me. Very useful.
And Notgoodenough, you totally, totally understood me. It felt very good to be understood.
Sure do wish you good luck going forward and sorry this is happening for both of you.
Your question was not to most users inappropriate, but they have the final say.
My Mom is Borderline + NPD + Early Onset. Total pain in the arse. Everyone feels this way. Sad but how it is ..until next steps. Can't help with anything w/o her screaming & cussing so it's limited pitching in when I am there twice a month: watering plants-dishes-trash-take her to Docs & grocery shopping. Can't organize or clean..or purge (her stuff, not my Dad's). Nonstop yelling and cussing from her. And she is a hoarder (not as extreme as those on TV but close 2nd)... I can't wait until I do more at her house... I just hope it happens before I die. I fantasize re: a dumpster in the driveway + donating personal items.
Last Friday she voiced few times over how I could live there or vice versa, etc.. I blurted out "No more of this talk.. I will not.. I would be MISERABLE..I have my Kids, my career..their future sig others & future G Kids"... not doing it! Nope.. I will speak my truth to her on this. I have asked her if she wants to revisit previous decades--have me explain why I feel this way. She responds with a "no." Sorry not sorry, not sacrificing more of my soul to her.. We are complete opposites. She wants a punching bag.
I hate the paralysis she has mentally. Instead of gifting me & my Sister...step siblings with being agreeable...being positive...she complains & criticizes non stop. Takes me 2 wks to recover after each visit... And the daily phone calls.. Only do one a day..
My Dad passed in Jan. She blames him for abandoning her. OK?? He set her up for life & then some. She couldn't allow him to pass at home. Yelled non stop at him last year of his life (actually for decades).. She didn't see him last few mos of his life.
I was never close to her bc of her Alcoholism, Mania...mental instabilites... The irony of it all that I am the only one who will do these basics... I understand & I don't blame them for backing away.. I resent that my Mom is so unteachable and unwilling. (I am beyond loving to her in her presence)..but I carry on and keep my walls up...protect my spirit.
I see nothing wrong with this question. I too, will report my response.
I already learned a lot from the responses I got. For example, my attitude now is: I refuse the status quo.
Incorrect. My Mom is in control of her mental faculties.
It is OK, under some circumstances, to say directly to your LO, how you feel about the whole situation of helping.
By the way Alvadeer, I’m not a caretaker in the sense of hands-on. I organized daytime caretakers for my Mom. I’m a “caretaker” in the sense of helping with many problems.
A caring LO (with full mental faculty) wouldn’t want to drown you in problems. They would care about how it affects your life. They wouldn’t want your life to drown. They would want to see if there’s a way to make life easier for you.
There’s nothing wrong with discussing all that - on the contrary a bit crazy not to discuss it.