I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
nacy - I get back pain for some gut issues. Never for anything else.
Speaking of which my ileocecal valve pain has flared up again. Pain but no diarrhea, Massage, Imodium and anti-inflammatories got rid of it in a couple of days. Increased carb intake helps. Go figure!
Hoping to have a productive call with the cell phone people today and get my account sorted out.
You are so right about back pain. Pain is often referred to the back. In my own bout with diverticulitis that's exactly where it went and the docs had a devil of a time thinking it was kidney, I must have passed a stone, and etc.
Referred pain is one of the WORST things. The sciatic nerve in the back has tiny branches into the groin and can cause groins pain.
All this is why as thorough a history of you give of any pain is SO CRUCIAL to getting the right diagnosis.
Whether it is sharp or dull
Whether it is constant or intermittent
Worse with movement or better
With meals, after meals.
And on and on and on. A.I. when told ALL SYMPTOMS clearly, is actually better than doctors at diagnosing the problems, they are saying.
nacy - glad you are keeping your boundaries. Sorry about your back. If this continues I'd go to your doc or ER. Back pain -kidneys???
From the internet - Back pain accompanied by vomiting can be a symptom of several conditions, including kidney stones, gallbladder issues (like gallstones), pancreatitis, appendicitis, a urinary tract infection, abdominal aortic aneurysm, or a herniated disc; if experiencing these symptoms, seeking medical attention is advised, especially if accompanied by fever, severe pain, or other concerning symptoms
Aaargh - In setting up my new and supposedly cheaper service I paid twice for my cell phone bill - once by cc that they insisted on and then a couple of weeks later they withdrew the same amount by my pre authorized bill payment.
So I had a credit and now the downable bill says I owe that same amount again. The email says I have that amount as a credit. Who to believe?
I called and got the first amount refunded to my cc so we are quits but I have no confidence that they won't withdraw that full amount again.
Trying tyo contact the account specialists. I will tell them they have false information on my bill and I want it corrected. Wish me luck!!!
At least it’s cold . You can put your food outside in the boxes temporarily . I had to do this for two weeks in tne winter one year waiting for a new fridge .
nacy - I'm glad you are holding your boundaries. Sis used to lie to mother about me, then mother raged at me. It was pretty unpleasant. Enjoy the "feel good".
My whine - my dishwasher gave up the ghost, and the fridge is showing it's age. They are 20 yrs old so it's not surprising. I had already looked for what I to get to replace the kitchen appliances. Now to order them and organize as it will be a bit of an upheaval. especially emptying the fridge. I'm collecting cardboard boxes for that purpose. Any tips are welcome. Replacing the stove is the easiest and the place I am buying from hauls the old ones away free right now,
Anti-whine. Got a new kitchen tap, (the old one was leaking); got the garburator removed and new sinks put in - deep, granite, 60/40 ,(which I had back at the house) allhx to R) Slowly I will get the kitchen up to speed. Even new sinks make a big difference!😊
She said "oh I hate to ask him he's so busy with Susan (his mother in law who is currently in a rehab post hospital)".
I lost it. I said "you know you're his mother, why is everyone so concerned with Jimmy's time!". Felt badly after as she is just a few days home from the hospital but with that I've been running point on all post hospital appointments for home health and follow up etc and as you know it's a LOT.
The thing is my brother doesn't mind or push back at all in anything I ask of him for help but in my parents' mind he's oh so busy and we can't bother him yet I can be bothered at any time of day or night for any question. Grrrrrr....
My counselor assigned me homework this week three hours of uninterrupted self care time. 🤗
Don't rush me.
I'm waiting until the last minute.
I hope everyone has as calm and peaceful a day (or hours) as possible today.
I have to say, I would be traumatized watching my best friend slowly, painfully lose themselves. You were indeed blessed to have that relationship with your mom.
And I just want to add - my mom was probably my best friend yet I still would never call any part of that experience rewarding, I think traumatizing is a more appropriate word 🤔
I find it very sad that others can not see that their experience is not others and try to make those of us with hateful parents feel bad. They will likely be a pleasure for their children, not.
I don't talk about my caregiving experiences at all on FB. I just don't get why that popped up. Luckily, it isn't all that much. I will say I've seen some random posts making note of enjoying your parents while you still have them. I won't object to those and I do hope those aren't signs my mom is a lot closer to the end that I expect.
And for those who talk positively about their caregiving experiences, either they were able to endure far more easily than people on here have or they're lying through their teeth, unless they're so far removed from caregiving that they've completely forgotten the numerous negatives they had to put up with.
It won't be right after my mom passes, but after an unknown amount of time passes, I'll be telling it like it is on FB to those talking highly about their caregiving era.
I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like many of them just used her.
Yes sharing in relationships is healthy but only as the relationship is healthy.
What is important is not seeking for it but working on one's one healing from whatever. I've learned that only the healed will really listen plus not get upset if you don't say it just how they would have said it or get judgemental over the coping mechanisms that helped your survive for well, they never did anything like that. Ok, I wish that I could ask such people did they go through any thing like I went through. I never had to ask because I never found anyone that safe. except for some really good therapists. Along the way some become friends with a very wise and supportive person from what they have learned over the years. Sometimes, they will open up about their own lives & say things like you are being too hard on yourself about that, it was years ago and completely understandable, but now I suggest that you seek to meet that need in a healthier way. Often these people are living with the consequences of decisions & are hoping your life will do better, but they don't want you to beat yourself up over it. (Now, I am not talking about anything illegal, evil or totally immoral, but things that although legal might be considered on the edge. Yes, that edge does remind us of some things, but the context is different for this time, we are in control but then they were in control. For example, sometimes a female rape victim will return to the site of that horrible crime after some time, sometimes with a firearm. Depending on several things, some are content to go with a handgun and feel better after doing it once or several times more. Others, feel an immense need for power for how powerfully their own power was ripped in the rape from them. They often go there with a 12 gauge pump-action shot gun with triple 000 buckshot which is enormous with a huge kick. They may bring a larger safe female or male to handle its power if needed.
I've never heard of anyone being arrested for doing this or that anyone tried to rape them there again. Doing that however often provides them a sense of regained power and closure.
Mind you that not all of these ultra intimate relationships come from trauma victimization & earlier healing.
What I am saying is often these relationships have a strange mixture of being both a gift & an earned honor. It's confusing, but once two people either as a married couple or a platonic friendship reach this level, it is a bit scary & often each is anxious for what to call it. It's a relationship of peace & intimacy without ickiness although it will need continued maturity which is not hard for each has the freedom to talk & talk plus think freely. There is a surprising natural flow that comes as one learns not to analyze, but just go with it but at the same time hold firmly to one's previous boundaries. The two have proved themselves to each other & gained the strength to reach down into the other's dark places in those times and lift them up. It's way beyond any codependency, false role playing of seeing to be the parent the other never had or even being a soulmate which so often is only rooted and founded in emotions which like the honorific title of BF all too often is a vague dream of hope. That's not what any of this is. From my perspective, the biggest part that makes it a gift is that neither sought it. At the same time, it is an honor! It's a WVir phrase Ride or die as they define it.
ITRR.
I forgot about the dark cherries! Thanking you for the reminder!
Mt foot/toes no longer bend much. However, this morning, a cramp happened and
abruptly bent all my toes forward, stuck and in a painful spasm for a couple of minutes. Never heard of this. I am wanting to pretend this never happened. Lol.
As for the census, gone are the days when we refused to answer the door.
Life is getting even more heavy with instructions on how to live coming down from the top.
One comment set me off and it was all I could do not to respond. It was a woman who took care of both her parents. Both are dead and she said the years she spent taking care of them were the happiest years of her life.
I wanted to tell her that the years I've been taking care of my mom are the worst years of my life.
It sucks bc I finally got them moved back to their home last Tuesday. She was soooo happy to be back. My brother texted me and said it was the happiest he'd seen her in a long time.
Considering how anxious she gets, she is handling everything amazingly well and as you all know with the constant interruptions and flow of doctors, nurses, techs and specialists you can't get any real rest at all. They want to do another chest Xray to see if they can push off the chest tube until tomorrow when they do a smaller one. And all she wants to do is sleep and this is still the ER so we have to go thru all the questions again when she is fully admitted. This slow burn of decline is effing brutal. Especially when it doesn't fall into real DNR territory and who wants to spend a year "actively dying"
I'm also going to give myself flowers for getting her here, keeping dad sort of calm and getting him to go back with my husband tonight to sleep (he was up with her all night). Also committing to getting rest tomorrow.
send - I hear you. I greatly dislike surveys and questionnaires. Unfortunately we all have to do the census ones. Glad you saw some beauty yesterday. Herons are magnificent birds.
And the night sky is showing some interesting planetary alignment.
Maybe some asteroid showers later.
At dusk, there is a heron flying across the sky. A rare sight to see a big white bird in the area, with a huge wingspan.
Pretty sure some of those questions were against the law to ask people, in general.
Things that are just not any of the government's business. Trying to slot people into categories.
And, what do I THINK my home is worth? Ask a realtor, I am not a realtor!
And if you are white and don't know where your ancestors came from, how do you answer that if you think there are several countries of origin? It was NOT an essay question.
Then, give me a break! Married. Married period.
Can the government ask people such controversial questions of people, about everything that is no one's business? People who got rights to marry are now causing offense to those of us who are required to answer ridiculous questionnaires. And the people who got the government's permission to marry-they have to answer detailed questions too. That is what should be against the law. Asking should be unlawful. Is there no privacy left?
They have all gone too far in asking. imo.
I guess this doesn't end. I set up my new mobile phone service account for preauthorized payment and have gotten two bills since. Checked my account and no money withdrawn. Checked my Virgin mobile account and it is set up for preauthorized payments. Got an email that I am set up and I will be charged $35 for service restoration.
I don't think so!
Got a rep on the phone pretty quickly, thankfully. Apparently my Virgin account balance has to be $0.00 before preauthorization can kick in. Never heard of this nor did the website mention it. Paid the balance by cc over the phone and apparently I am good to go now and no $35 charge for restoration.
What nonsense over what should have been nothing. I have set up many preauthorized payments over the years and never had a problem. The joys of technology. NOT!!! Grrrr!!!! 😠😠😠
We are just coming out of record breaking heat and going to be in the mid/upper 70s for the 14 day forcast with a day or 2 in the mid sixties because of rain.
This is why we live where it is hot as fire in the summer, roughly 3 months, beautiful, outdoor weather for 9 months makes it worth it to have to hibernate in the A/C. I want to add, it is a dry heat and that makes a HUGE difference.
Stay warm and dry everyone living in frigid temps.