I'm in the process of becoming a primary caregiver for my 67yo father who had a stroke 3 years ago. His right side is completely paralyzed, his speech is nonexistent & he's completely incontinent; however he's still aware of his surroundings and can express his displeasure or his joy.
Here's where it gets a little hairy: we have not spoken in over 10 years and i'very been here 3 weeks. Also, he had the stroke in asia where the details are more on the cloudy side. Apparently his health has declined since coming back to the states five months ago. He sleeps most of the day & is only awake about 45 minutes three times a day to eat. He will only eat hamburger & sausage patties.
He has a POA that I trust who has been taking care of him night and day since she brought him home, but obviously needs help as she has her own family and full time job. I'm here at his home now taking on 24 hour care. I'm considering asking if he'd like to come to my home where it's more spacious & frankly not as depressing for me for the winter, giving my dad the option of coming back to his home, giving his current caregiver a break as I can tell she's completely burned out. I haven't run this by her yet as I'd like any thoughts or opinions on this first... some help please?
You might want to spend some time with her and ask her to tell you everything she does. Prepared with that list, ask yourself how you'll handle each task. Who will you hire to help you? What will you do when you too burn out?
I'm not one to recommend facilities, but I think with partial paralysis, your father could get more physical support and care than one person could provide at home. If you do bring him to your home, line up the home care first b/c otherwise you'll just be overwhelmed.
I'm still in a state of shock and life is completely surreal~ I don't know where to start to even look for help.
I think it's great for the POA to get a brief respite. I think it's great for your Dad to be forgiven, and I think it's good karma for you to forgive him. All of that should take no more than another week.
Responsibility for your father's care plan rests with his POA. Not with you. Don't do it.
Read up on Medicaid. Even if it looks like your father has too much monthly income to qualify it is entirely possible to work around that. Find an attorney (in his county) that specializes in Elder Law and get a consultation regarding how to apply and what to expect from Medicaid. (This should be paid for with Dad's funds.)
If you want to do the right thing, be his advocate -- don't abandon him. If you are trying to prove that you are worthy of his love or trying to earn a relationship you wished you'd had earlier, that effort is pretty much doomed.
Every one has been so helpful and I'm so grateful. Please keep any advice or thoughts coming because this site has been the best therapy for studying the experiences of others who were in my shoes.