For those who know my history with my aunt and her difficulties and fighting with me for a caregiver in her home and going to a facility to me trying to help and eventually dropping POA, I heard from my cousin who lives about 30 minutes from aunt. (I live five hours away).Cousin asked me to help fund for her child for some because she's participating in. Out of curiosity, I asked cousin how aunt was coming along. She said aunt was doing well and that she eventually got aunt some help around the house. She also mentioned that aunt had been receiving all of the Depends and house dusters/clothes that I had been sending her. She said she asked aunt to email me to let me know she received them. I haven't heard anything from her. Cousin said if I text her, she can patch me through to let me speak to aunt. I'm thinking, "No thanks”. My rant is this: I offered aunt to help her get assistance, but she lit into me and told me she wasn't listening to me or anyone else. She really took my head off when I mentioned it to her. However, my cousin that lives close by was able to convince her to get help. I honestly do not know why she chose me to be her POA in the first place, when she's been so combative towards me and my offering of assistance with everything else. This cousin who lives close by has been great, and always was, and I told aunt she should have made her POA. No, she did not want her. I think her whole idea of adding me as POA was a manipulation. She's also still angry that I dropped it and probably angry that I haven't been down there to be her crutch. Whatever her reason, it's all bizarre that she listens to the cousin close by who she didn't trust in the beginning and fought with me the entire time I tried to help. I will continue to send little items to aunt, but LOL, I don't want to talk to her.
I met a retired lawyer a while back. He said he had "made his son" his POA but was ranting & raving about changing his POA (again). It had been his son, until the son said no to something asked of him. Then he "made" a nephew his POA. Until the nephew said no to something asked of him.
The man then wanted to "sack this nephew" saying "I have others". He was attempting to contact another nephew.. but Neuro-Psych eval was called for first.
I absolutely think this man expected his son (nephew or whoever would be next) needed to act as his on-call servant.
His expectations included: son/nephew to spring him out of rehab (despite needing to be there) cancel home help services (despite needing the help) buy & deliver food & whatever else he wanted. At any time he wanted it.
You stood up to this . You did the right thing . She won’t talk because she didn’t get her way , she’s a sore loser .
She finally gave in to allow help in because she needs it . She won’t talk to you , she doesn’t want you to know she is getting help . She doesn’t want to admit to you she has outside help coming in .
OR, I am wrong …….and shes just strange
Let it go , she’s doing well despite her childish behavior. Actually this is not uncommon . Some elderly pick who they want to manipulate , give the cold shoulder to etc . and others they will listen to .
Her not having a relationship with you is her loss .You are better off without her complaining and putting guilt trips .
This way you have peace .
May you receive peace in your heart.
Why, when Aunt has other relatives nearby, picked you who is 5 hours away, she may not even know. Maybe because you did go out of your way for her, Maybe because she did see where your an easy target. A target that set boundaries she did not appreciate.
I was a people pleaser. I would never hurt anyone intentionally. But that was not reciprocated. So, I am no longer a people pleaser. It gives off a vibe, I think, people take advantage of. Not that I can't be hurt, but I don't dwell on it and " think, what did I do". I will never know what I did or didn't do but one thing I know, is that I did not do what the person expected me to do. Which did not obligate me because they expected it.
So stop trying to figure Aunt out. You know if you contact her she will expect you to do for her. Continue sending her the little gifts bit continue no contact. I went for a few years trying to figure my MIL out. Just when I thought I had and could work around it, she would change course. So I found the best thing was just not try anymore. She had expectations that I couldn't or was not willing to meet. Her problem, not mine. She eventually moved 900 miles away. Saw her 1 or 2x a year.