Please don’t assume every state has quality nursing homes and argue that they do. The majority in Louisiana are the lowest rated homes.

Cali,

I feel your pain. I really do! It isn’t your’s or your hubby’s fault but I feel your compassion for FIL. Family situations can get so frustrating, can’t they? I am not going to stir the pot with my brother. Mom may feel a responsibility to tell him, who knows? Her choice. He needs to grow up and act like an adult if he wants to be treated like one, as far as I am concerned.

Hey, the ocean views in your FIL’s facility is a plus! The nursing homes here have the codes to enter. Well, we’ve had murders in ours! That’s embarrassing to admit about Louisiana but it is, what it is.

I envy you! Our water is pretty polluted here, the lakes, rivers and bayous. I can drive the coast here about 4 hours to Pensacola in Florida and see beautiful blue green water. I love that! The Gulf of Mexico is lovely.

Maybe one day, things will change. I hope and pray. I stay on top of new reports. Like I said, we are all going to get old and being involved should be a priority. I know you feel the same. Seems like you are very aware of what goes on in your community as well. It’s not only our future but generations down the line, our kids and then their kids and so forth.

I love my city. Lots to love about it but not the nursing homes. They are in shambles. I feel so badly for the residents. The elderly deserve dignity and at the very least good care rather than sub par. So many issues that need addressing and our politicians leave a lot to be desired!

You know, we had a good thing going with the film industry here. Lots of movies have been filmed in New Orleans. My godson works in the film industry. He was furious because one of our politicians really screwed things up for us. Made it significantly harder for us, which is sad because New Orleans made a lot of headway in the film industry. It fits in with our tourism. The actors love filming here. They party in New Orleans, eat in our wonderful restaurants, enjoy our unique city and generally appreciate our city.

New Orleans is a lot more than Mardi Gras and the French Quarter. We have a top notch Jazz festival, a top rated WW11 museum and tons of great things but I am ashamed of our nursing homes. Know what I mean? Our doctors and nurses are embarrassed by them. Truly sad.

Anyway, thanks so much for understanding our situation here.

I hope things won’t be to hard for FIL.

CM,

For sure, we need lots of changes all over the place!

We do have the bicycle paths on our roads where they can put them. But it’s been a big controversy lately due to safety issues.

When I was younger I rode my bicycle everywhere. Unfortunately, I had a really bad accident, open compound fracture, difficult surgery with steel rods put on my bones. Debris in the street that I simply didn’t see and I hit the road really hard when I went down.

Fortunately, there was a guy driving behind me that stopped to help me, my angel. He called 911 and waited for the ambulance to take me to the hospital. He even took my bike back to my house for me. What a sweet guy.

I have some permanent damage but I worked really hard in physical therapy and got most of my range of motion back. I’m grateful for that.

My orthopedist didn’t want me to cycle afterwards saying he couldn’t fix it again and instead of the temporary paralysis that I experienced, next time it would be permanent, so I laid off cycling. I switched to a stationary bike!

Oh Sparky,

How things have changed, haven’t they? My oldest brother was very complicated, struggling with addiction all his life. He’s dead now, couldn’t beat the heroin addiction.

In spite of that he accomplished much in his life. At one time he owned his own hair salon. He went to cosmetology school and did very well. When he got his first job the owner saw potential in him and paid for him to attend Vidal Sassoon training in California for precision cutting. Hair salon owners don’t do that anymore. Years later he went into partnership with his lady friend to open their own shop. He did well, made money, turned a good profit. The relationship didn’t work out and the business went by the wayside. Sad.

Anyway, I had the best hair at my school! Haha, no one else had the Vidal Sassoon cuts and styling that I had! All of my friends were jealous and wanted him to do their hair. Hey, I should have gotten a commission on the business I threw his way, right?

Yeah, like I told you I love your state. I had an uncle, Uncle Willie, my dad’s brother, whom I only met once as a small child that lived in Sacramento. Hot there too! As far as weather goes, SanFrancisco is wonderful, huh? Such a fun city!

Have a feeling we’d be friends if we met. 😊

Yep, being gay in years past was different too. Years ago I had a boyfriend who had twin younger brothers, one was gay. Of course, no one knew it. He hid it, even flirted with the girls a lot because gays back in that time were frequently beaten up. Horrible!

In my kids time, if anyone beat up a person for being gay, THEY would be beaten up for doing the beating. Anyway, sadly Jack died of AIDS. That’s how I found out he was gay. I cried and cried.

Back then, there wasn’t good education about AIDS or good medical treatment about AIDS. Glad there has been changes in attitude.

I never got the reason that people discriminated against others for being gay, other than they are just plain mean and hateful. Well, I guess you could throw in ignorance and fear too.

People did not understand being gay so they condemned. Gays and various others still have a ways to go as far as equality but it has improved from long ago.

I wish you all the joy and happiness this world has to offer. Sparky, don’t give up on your dreams. There may be time left in your life for new doors to open.

Best of luck to you. Hey, remember my friend, Jack whenever you celebrate the freedoms you do have now, will you please? Jack didn’t get to live to see gay marriage or experience acceptance in his short life 😢. Take care, Sparky.

Needhelp, you've been to more places here than I have lol. I have never been south of Anaheim or north of Sacramento.....sigh. I hit the hot spots often enough though, SF, LA, the coast, the mountains. I actually live just south of Fresno in the central valley born and raised. I've hated the summers here since I've been old enough to remember. 110 in the summer for sometimes every day for almost a month ( not sure what the record is) use to have dreams of moving to San Francisco when I first started doing hair. I even went to an interview at the Sixth Floor Hair Spa at I Magnum. I was going to pay $500 a month to sleep on friends couch. This was in 1991. The salon paid 40% and at that time charged I think $40 for a haircut. It took them a year and a half to get back to me and I had been working at JC Penney salon for a couple of years and the friends I was going to live with had moved back. I will always wonder how different my life would have been if I had been brave enough to go. Sigh...just the temperature difference would have been wonderful. I sometimes try to remember my mind set at that stage. I gave up San Francisco for JCPenney in cow town USA. I remember hearing that at one point in the 80's our county had the wonderful distinction of having the highest teen pregnancy rate per capita in the country. I was young gay georgous and too scared to take on the big city by myself. Now I've thouroughly depressed myself and mom's waking up. Argh lol.🤨

Outrageous gas tax?

What do you call outrageous..?

30 cents for a US gallon = 8 cents per liter.

😂

I suspected as much.

You don't know you're born. Try $3.95.

I have completely muddled myself. Fuel duty in the UK is 57.95 pence + average 22.5 pence VAT *per* *litre*. 80.45 pence = $1.05

There are 3.785 litres in 1 US gallon. x $1.05 = $ 3.97425 per gallon.

And that is just the tax. The pump price for gas is around about £1.20 a litre, it ups and downs a bit, which is $5.91 per US gallon. Phew!

Which is outrageous. And the roads are still falling to bits and still lack capacity. On the other hand, people won't observe speed limits, won't walk anywhere, won't ride bicycles, won't invest in rail and whine like H3ll if they are in any way inconvenienced or penalised or prevented from driving just as they please and hang it all.

Here is another interesting snippet from Forbes: "..Liberty Media, the investment firm which bought F1 for $4.6 billion in January last year and listed it on the Nasdaq with the ticker FWONK."

F1 is Formula One, the international motor racing series. Its price tag was $4.6 billion; and it claims a cumulative worldwide audience of about 1.8 billion each year across the series.

The paid, to repeat, $4.6 BILLION for this entertainment outfit and they Expect To Make A Profit.

So people will cheerfully, nay fanatically, pay through the nose to watch cars going round a track for hours on end, or occasionally - God forbid - not making it. And then when you think what is invested in motor racing, and compare it with what is invested in infrastructure, and how people feel about getting the respective bills...

I'm never sure that governments or politicians are the problem. I'm afraid we need better electorates.

Thanks Needhelp.

After reading your post, I did do some research on Louisiana and was shocked! They are ranked very poorly when it comes to nursing homes. seems they’ve had years to fix this but nothing has been done!! I really don’t think it matters who you vote for, it will still take forever for anything to be done. Just look at California. They hit us with an outrageous gas tax a few years ago and our roads are still crap. And the voters voted NOT to repeal it last year. All they do is patch up potholes and within a few months the patches wear off and the potholes are back. They haven’t widened highways that really need more lanes. Anyway!!!

it sounds like you & your mom have a good plan. No reason to tell your brother anything either. Why would your mom even say anything? For transparency maybe? That’s always good but I would worry that he might be upset and cause drama. That’s the non-confrontational side of me! I wouldn’t tell my brother anything because it would just cause unnecessary trouble!

We stopped by the nursing home this afternoon because FIL needed a fan. The facility is about what I expected, it’s old and kind of smelly. I did not witness anything people complained about in the reviews though. There were patients near the front desk but they were all alert and had wheeled themselves there (either using their hands or feet). There is a dining room that looked pretty empty for a dining room BUT it has ocean views! Some of the patient rooms on that side of the building also have ocean views. I am pretty sure those most be private pay rooms! I did not see any private rooms either. But we only saw a small portion of the facility. FILs room is tiny. He does have a room mate. There is a built in a desk and single cabinet for their belongings. I was surprised that most rooms were bare, I did not see many personal items, or pictures on the walls. There are no private patios in this facility either. I was also surprised to find out that you have to be let in the front door! Not sure if you have to enter a code or be buzzed in, a woman was walking out as we were walking in and she held the door. When we left, hubby had to enter a code on a keypad at the door! My grandfather was in a nursing home in the early 90s and I have to say, FILs facility isn’t any more up to date than my grandfathers! FILs room is much smaller too. It’s also not in one of the requested cities which stinks, BUT if anyone decides to complain about that, I will say to myself “it is what it is. You could have and should have been pro-active and looked at facilities back when it was decided that he needed to go to a nursing home but you didn’t so you shouldn’t complain”. Anyway back to the facility.....only negative thing other than the distance, is that on our way out, one of the ladies parked by the front desk was sitting there after she had obviously soiled herself. We could smell it. I felt bad for her, hopefully one of the 2 staff members at the front noticed the smell and cleaned her up in a timely manner.

Also. He has been there a week and neither my BIL or SIL has been to visit yet! My husband, 3 weeks post-op, has now been twice and he’s the one who went & helped FIL with all the paperwork. SMDH. Time will tell how this all works out. I do feel FIL has declined since I last saw him on April 2nd. On that day he was very alert and talking and ate solid food. Today I don’t think he said a word! I am not surprised by the decline, he’s basically staying in bed 24/7 now. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish he had the energy and motivation to make the best of his situation. The facility has multiple daily activities but I know he won’t participate in any. I wonder how long he will last now.....

Thanks for understanding, Katie. I appreciate it very much. People need to realize that location does matter. Especially here in the south.

We are podunk in certain areas! Quite inferior to a lot of other places.

Georgia is the same!

Thanks Cali for your response,

First of all, sorry that you are facing a mess with your FIL. It can be a real headache for the patient and the family!

AL facilities are nice, expensive but nice. They have memory care if needed. I have it narrowed down between two of them close to my house. None in Louisiana take Medicaid or Medicare. My mom has Medicare and Humana insurance.

Mom may eventually need Medicaid. I will do whatever we need to do for all of us. It’s sad to think about but she has appointed me medical power of attorney and has stated in the paperwork that she doesn’t want any prolonging of life when it’s her time to die. She transferred her small amount of money in bank to my name and hers instead of my brother who isn’t involved with her day to day care. She knows it is to be spent on her care. We talked about it. She was upset at first because she wanted to leave some for my brothers. I told her that her care comes first. She wants to make me POA. I was surprised that she had this change of heart. I let go. Did not try to persuade her because I felt it was falling on deaf ears and that she was old fashioned thinking women did the caregiving and men handle financial matters. I think when I let go she no longer felt pressured.

She started telling me one morning at breakfast that she was uneasy with how things stood and she wanted to make changes because I have always been there for her. I have not even told my brother he was off of that bank account. Mom will probably call him soon. I feel it’s her place. He blows through money like you wouldn’t believe on stupid crap!

I need money for the family plot to be opened for her to be placed next to my dad. She has asked to be cremated. She only wants a graveside service. I had always envisioned a mass like we had for my dad. I can still do a memorial mass if I want to. My mom was christened at St. Louis Cathedral in 1925!

It’s a gorgeous church with so much history. My grandparents had settled in a house where the downstairs was a bakery and they lived upstairs where she was born with a midwife.

She said her neighborhood smelled delicious with the bread baking! I love to hear her childhood stories. I am tearing up a little. I will miss her. I am preparing for it. She’s 93! I have a grip on reality in spite of being accused of being in denial by some posters. In spite of challenges, I love my mom. They don’t know me or my life or my mom.

Nursing homes here do not take Medicare but do take Medicaid.
Many of our nursing homes almost closed due to having a tight budget. Budget cuts everywhere here. As you say, some homes are very old and in poor shape. That’s bad enough but bad care is the worst due to understaffing and lousy pay scale.

There are some nice ‘end of life’ hospice facilities here. There is palliative care also.

Cali, oh my gosh! You just described what we have exactly! One star, lined up in wheelchairs with restraint belts on so they don’t fall out. Pretty grim! Very smelly. Thanks for painting a very accurate description. Unfortunately, that’s the norm here. Only a handful are nice in Louisiana. Those have waiting list.

It’s tough, as you well know seeing it for yourself with FIL. I hope your family is able to find a feasible solution. Some places are a last resort. People do what they have to do. I understand that. I may have to also. Who knows what the future will bring? Some older people don’t even have family members that act as advocates.

As I said, I am no way anti nursing homes. I would welcome it. Mom told me long ago if we ever needed to place her somewhere not to feel guilty. I am blessed that she feels like that but if I can avoid a dump and I get the veterans aid and assistance for AL rather than placing her in one of those hell holes I will be grateful. Even if I have to pay for extra help.

I am like you, I wouldn’t be happy in one of those funky places. Thanks for listening.

Needhelp, are there nursing homes in Louisiana that DO NOT take Medicaid? Just wondering if is the same out there as it is here-in my city and nearby cities, there are some beautiful assisted living/memory care units that are highly rated but do not take Medi-cal. There are a few top notch facilities that also have skilled nursing/LTC with a couple Medi-cal beds. But basically all the Skilled nursing facilities that are mostly full of Medi-cal patients, are all the same. In fact they are all owned by the same chain starting with a W, and the care is subpar. The facilities are old and smelly. And understaffed.

My FIL was just moved to one of these W facilities. My husband had initially said he was moved to a hospice facility. I knew that couldn’t be right because those are for the very sick who are near the end of life. He’s not at the end of his life. Anyway turns out he’s been moved to the LTC wing at the same facility he was in during his short rehab stint last month. And what gets me is, nobody in this dang family took any initiative to look for nursing homes, no one was pro-active, no one wanted to get involved, they told the hospital social workers they weren’t going to take him home and that he needed to go to a nursing home. So the social workers found him a LTC facility with a Medi-cal bed and they called my BIL last week to say that he was being transferred later that day. And ALL OF A SUDDEN my FIL is saying he never agreed to this, wants the kids to go check out the place first and my SIL is wanting everyone to go look at other places! My BIL at least had the sense to tell her that is a waste of time because these places are all the same! FIL said something to the social worker in the midst of all of this, about wanting his kids to check out different places, and he was told he didn’t have a choice, he was being transferred that day. I’d like to remind them all that a)they had their chance to find him the best facility that had a Medi-cal bed open and that they all chose to sit on their butts and wash their hands of the situation. And i’d Like to remind them that he is at a disadvantage financially because of poor planning on his part & he has to take whatever is available. There is no way around it unless they are willing to come up with around $4k each per month and privately pay. He’s been in a posh hospital that doesn’t take his insurance for 4 months now and he’s been told he can’t continue to stay there. He chose not do anything on his end either. I know I sound heartless but I just can’t figure these people out! Back in February they decided he needed to be in a nursing home but that is as far as the discussions went. No one started looking for one. They’ve known for 3 weeks that his time was up at the hospital. And NO ONE looked for a nursing home. In fact they told the social worker they preferred one either in the city my husband & I live in, or the city my BIL & SIL live in. So they knew that he was going to be moved to a facility found by the SW. I am honestly not surprised that THE DAY he was to be transferred, they decide to get involved. Unfortuntely the facility he is in, doesn’t appear to be a good one. Nothing but 1 star reviews and the complaints all say the same thing-very understaffed, CNAs performing tasks they are not allowed to do (per state regulations) and that they are all on their phones all the time. And they put patients in their wheel chairs and line them up in the hallway and leave them all day. I’d be unhappy with that myself but......I wouldn’t have take the route my in-laws chose to take.

CM,

I am not sure exactly what needs to change first. I suppose honest politicians would be a great start for Louisiana. That’s almost a joke! We have a very long history of corruption here.

Better pay surely would help as well. Balancing our budget has always been a struggle due to many issues. But where is the money going? Certainly not to our schools or roads!

One small thing that I did personally when I taught school was take my class to sing Christmas carols at a couple of the nursing homes for the residents.

Of course not all residents are able to enjoy visits in the lobby area but those well enough to, smiled when they heard the children sing. Seeing the smiles from them made it all worthwhile for me. The kids also made Christmas cards for the residents and ornaments for their Christmas tree.

Lots of issues. Louisiana is very inferior compared to other states. Maybe one day, in the far distant future. Doesn’t look like it will happen in my lifetime. Let’s not forget that our city took a huge hit after hurricane Katrina also. Actually some things are better and some things are worse after the storm. Some things were lost forever which is sad. Our local history and culture is quite interesting.

I have lived through many hurricanes, many that didn’t even require evacuation or as we called it, vertical evacuation! Haha, go to someone’s house that had a second story in case of flooding and have a hurricane party with food, coffee, snacks, candles and ice chest, water, oil lamps for when power goes out, board games, deck of cards to play games, keep radio on for updates, etc. to ride out the storm.

Katrina was a major storm where it is common to hear people say, “pre Katrina or post Katrina.”

The storm changed the entire metropolitan New Orleans area.

What would action look like?

CM,

Great comments and questions! It’s been a hot topic among politicians in Louisiana for ages. All talk and no action, just like our schools and roads! Louisiana has giant potholes.

I wish I knew the answers to better care here. I certainly vote. There has always been corruption here concerning politics. But it’s kind of like voting for the lesser of the evil available.

Several articles on the poor quality of nursing homes have been published.

Even the doctors here hate to place people in the nursing homes. Of course, sometimes it is necessary. Some people don’t have family to be an advocate for them.

Let me be perfectly clear! I am not anti nursing homes! I am all for it when done right. Let me also stress that if there was a suitable place nearby for mom, I would jump on it. I would visit often but I would love to have my life back. I am exhausted caring for mom but at least I have a few hours of respite a month now.

I am not bitter about caring for mom. I love my mom very much. I get frustrated at times which is normal. I get lonely and even a bit down but I still have joy in my heart as well. Everyone has ups and downs. I am a realist, not a Pollyanna.

I have appreciated the positive feedback from this site and welcome realistic suggestions.

I have volunteered in many areas when I didn’t have mom to care for which is my biggest volunteer job!

I have thought about the concerns that you are bringing up. Everyone who lives here has.

I do hope and pray it improves at some point. I stay informed in case there is an opportunity for me to do something.

I have spoken to nurses who want to stay in the nursing homes and make a difference but get so frustrated because their hands are tied, same with the aides, the homes here are understaffed constantly because of the very high turnover. They are burned out. They move on to other jobs.

The home where my dad was in rehab after his stroke had bizarre incidents. A nurse was constantly asking my mom for money. Then she started following mom to the ladies room and asked for money! It made mom very uncomfortable. She told mom she needed money for bus fare. It was strange.

My dad’s personal belongings were stolen.

This was before mom lived with me. I’d pick her up, she no longer drove. We would ride to the nursing home together and my dad wouldn’t even have his water pitcher filled. I would go and fill it. My dad couldn’t ask for it. He couldn’t speak well after the stroke. He would guzzle the water down from being so parched. When I inquired about it, their answer was that they were understaffed. They couldn’t even get to basic things like water, soiled bedding was never changed, soiled clothes were not changed. I had to ask for basic care.

When I heard the state shut that one down I was happy because it was hard going to see my father neglected in that home.

He had to be there for recovery. The doctor ordered it. We wanted him to receive good care. We couldn’t stay there all day. I was raising my children. My mom was so tired. She had to go home and get rest.

There was one nurse who was an angel. At Christmas time I brought her a large box of fine chocolates because I wanted to show my appreciation for her very hard work. I wish my dad would have had her all the time. She did the basic things for my dad. She understood he couldn’t speak, was weak after his heart surgery and a stroke on top of it. The nurses like her and the few good aides are few and far between.
I do feel they should be rewarded and shown appreciation. The woman who kept asking my mom for money did not do a good job caring for my dad and then she had the nerve to ask my mom for money every time she saw us. How many others did she hit up for money? It’s not very professional to ask the patients family for money.

We are not selfish people. We give to the homeless. We donate to church and a few charities. Not enormous amounts but every little bit helps.

answry,

You’re very welcome! Thank you for your support. Means a lot to me. 💗

Sparky,

Thanks for bringing a 😊 smile to my face! I love your state and in my traveling days I went there a lot. I could absolutely live there!

Allow me if I may to share my favorite things about California. It’s a long list.

The ocean
The weather
Flowers, everything blooms there!
Golden Gate Bridge
Driving Hwy 1
Big Sur
Pacific Grove
SanFrancisco
Tiburon
Sausalito
Palace Of Fine Arts
Hearst Castle in San Simeon
Muir Woods (great hiking)
Palo Alto
Monterey
Carmel
Lake Tahoe
Redwoods
Palm trees
Salmon and swordfish
Fish Tacos
The best produce, terrific salads.
The hotels
Pete’s Coffee!
See’s and Ghirardelli chocolate!
Sourdough bread
Sushi
All of the beaches and parks
San Diego
The sea lions
The Bay
Museum of Man
Del Mar
La Jolla (great snorkeling at the cove)
LosAngelos
Beverly Hills
Hollywood
After we had kids we did Disneyland

Etc, etc, etc!!!

Too many favorites to list. I’m glad you have good nursing homes.

Thanks again for putting a smile on my face.

I wish I could share pictures of my many trips there. I have tons. I have friends that live in Palo Alto. My BIL lives in the Bay Area. Nothing like hanging out with the locals to show you around. In Southern California we explored on our own. So much to do in California!

Last time I was there was 15 years ago! Great time!

Of course, I am a native of New Orleans and I always returned the hospitality to my friends when they visited here. Not the touristy crap, haha. I took them to where the locals frequent.

New Orleans is unique. It is a great city in so many ways. It is not ‘anywhere USA’. Unfortunately, our nursing homes are crappy!

We do have great people, music and food and loads of southern charm! You have the redwoods and palm trees. We have the live oaks with Spanish moss hanging. We also have lovely sweet smelling magnolia trees.

You have trolleys. We have street cars that run along beautiful St. Charles Ave. with historic mansions.

You have a spectacular ocean. We have Lake Pontchartrain, the Mississippi River and bayou St. John. We have a 24 mile bridge that spans across the lake. You have the golden gate.

We have the hurricanes and you have the earthquakes and fires. We all have our issues, don’t we? We all have our strengths. I really appreciate your response. Take care, Sparky.

NeedHelpWithMom, I so thank you for speaking truth about nursing homes in Louisiana and Mississippi.

This is a philosophical question, not a comeback at you:

If care homes are only used by those who are left with no possible alternative, so that anyone with money or contacts or education or family avoids them except as a last resort...

How will they ever be improved?

Their customer base will be restricted to the very poorest and isolated in society. These customers can't pay, and their cause is not politically popular. Meanwhile, low to middle income families are breaking their backs and wrecking their financial futures to stay out of it; and caregiving remains an underpaid low-skilled occupation instead of a respected profession.

You can do something about this, actually. You can doggedly track down the policy leaders and decision makers and make yourself their personal pain in the btm. You can see what lobby groups and fundraising groups are getting involved - because the one thing we do know on the forum is the we are NEVER the only ones going through it. You can volunteer; you can develop a relationship with your local facility and see if they could use someone to weed a flower bed or read aloud for a couple of hours; you can contact your AAA and see if there are befriending or other services you can support.

Or... not! Just because you're a caregiver, it doesn't make you responsible for any one of these things, or even necessarily interested.

I really wished you lived in California. I hope the elderly in Louisiana appreciate you as much as I do. I also get tired of having to explain why I haven't put mom in a nursing home permanently. I keep getting "they're nothing like use to be" or "you should let the staff do their job they're professionals and know what they're doing". It's this blind faith that people have for "professionals" that has us end up with people like Trump for president 🤨