Stages of Dementia.
Now I know the stages of dementia - I have read the pages on AC and done other reading too but what I find really difficult to come to terms with is that Mums dementia, at times, seems unbelievably haphazard. One day she can remember quite a lot (mostly long term memory, short term not so much. The next day, or even hour, very little about the same thing. Then we have mobility - one day she can the next she can't. Then toiling some days she can some not. Incontinence bladder incontinent pretty much all the time bowel incontinent more often now but some days absolutely no bowel incontinence at all. Some days she remembers she can't remember other days she can't.
If this were a child you would say it was deliberate and I KNOW in my heart it isn't but, just sometimes, I think ..... are you playing me mother? Especially when I respond negatively - OK I know I shouldn't but I AM human and constant criticism does get to us all at some point or another ...then comes out the infamous words that I loathe beyond all others....I was only joking.
I have even started talking to the commode....The commode wants to be emptied - now she knows that - so in I go and say Hello little commode would you like me to empty you...if only she would just once say Jude could you empty the commode or Jude can I have a cup of tea. She never does she never says please and she never says thank you and even though she never will it grates.
Am I alone in feeling like this cos I sure as hell feel alone sometimes. Without you guys on here I would be long gone.
I tried to fit my mother into the stages of Alzheimer's, but she never fit. I finally figured out it was because she had the classic signs of vascular dementia. I don't try to fit her into the Alz stage mode anymore.
It is so hard not to get flustered and cross. The main thing I'm dealing with now is absolute confusion, but still wanting to control things. She wants me to explain something, but she can't understand or retain even a simple explanation now. So she'll ask again. Later she'll change what I said in her mind, so there is a new "truth." It is very hard to walk this twisted path.
Breathless at times but not at others.
Flushed now and again but nothing to call doc out over.
Even more demanding than she was before
Showtiming to others is less apparent now although she still does it she just can't mask the dementia like she used to
Urine less odorous but hell more frequent like 12-20 times a day - total bladder incontinence occasional bowel incontinence and then again some bowel impaction (she has diverticulitis)
More moody when it comes to meal times - much more refusal to eat
Much more aggressive verbally to me but only to me so thats ok - who would care if it is only me - the doc actually said Ah ok oh hmmm well thats good then....really?
Eyesight diminishing and fluctuating a lot
Hearing not so much
Starting to dribble
Anyone else noticed any of this with VaD
Then I told her that I'd been here over 6.5 years. This was over 10% of my life donated and I needed to be getting on with my own life. She said that these things all work their way out. Oh, doh. Only if people work them out or someone dies.
Well, we will see if she thinks on it or forgets it. Anyone want to lay any bets on it? I'm hoping she'll think on it and realize it's time for her to do something different with her life besides rotting away in this old house. (Can I get an amen?)
Good idea to talk to the caregiver/companion about her own expectations for your mom. I think you may be on to something.
I changed Won't to Can't
When you say He WON'T do something that implies a conscious decision on his part to not do something.
When you say he CAN'T do something that implies an inability to do something.
You can not get angry or frustrated at a 1 year old that WON'T tie their shoes because they CAN'T tie their shoes, they have not yet learned how. This is how I view my husbands ability or inability to do things. Certainly took the frustration out of many days thinking this way.