My in-laws moved to AL 2 days ago. My FIL was very resistant but he finally accepted it. The day before the move in he had a fall and wound up getting 9 staples on his head. Since he’s been there for 2 days he already had another fall. The nurses told him he needs to use a walker. He doesn’t want it. We saw him yesterday and told him he had to use one, and told his wife to please convince him. I think he actually might like the place if he keeps himself safe. As for my husband and I, it’s so different at home now. It’s quiet. We keep thinking they’re here. It will take time for us to adjust too.
Your FIL has some big tasks ahead of him.. Embracing change, accepting help, accepting loss.
To look for the positives in his new home, while accepting the loss of his previous home & all it stood for. A home he may have bought, built, repaired. It can symbolise all the years of being a provider. Part of identity. It is a lot to lose 😔
To face the reality of his current physical abilities. To let go of pride & use a walker or other mobility aides he now needs. Accept help from staff when needed.
Sometimes a Councellor or Pastoral Care worker at the AL can help with such transistions. A listening ear. Someone to safely discuss loss & fear with.
Of course those with cognitive decline/memory issues/lack of insight may not benefit from that.
I have seen some people turn around quite quickly. Even the bossiest with a little 're-phrasing'.
From "I've been forced here", "put here" etc to "I CHOSE this place". They turn it to how clever they were & say things like.. I was done with the big house, I wanted a place with meals cooked for me, or no maintenece for me to do.
If your FIL seeks control & choice, reassuring him he does have choices may help? Eg you can choose to walk.. or you can choose to walk with this walker. A walker is just a mode of transport.. a useful TOOL. Maybe it is the type with seat & basket? If so, sing the praises of these.. There is a seat if you choose to sit down. There is a basket you can choose to put your items eg a newspaper. Using this TOOL may mean you have more freedom. Can walk further & find a nicer chair with a better view.
Sometimes getting the *best* model cane/walker/wheelchair can make the difference. One poster said their Dad acted like his new walker was a Ferrari, was much better than the other blokes' 😆
I learned a lot about dementia from Teepa Snow vidoes on YouTube. I highly recommend them to you so that you can understand what to expect from him in the future. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.
Be kind to yourselves. Get some much needed rest and have some fun.
Best of luck