Thanks everyone for your posts. I have POA and my Mom lives 1 block from me. I will not be living in her house or she in mine. As we live in a rural area, if I call 911 when she is violent, she will be arrested and put on a 72 hour psych hold in another county because there is not one here, which I have heard is not a good place to be.
I called my Sister 3 hours away and told her that I need her help. More than once a month for a couple of hours.
APS has been called and as long as Mom's environment is clean and she is functioning there is nothing they will do. There goal is to keep people in their homes.
According to the Elder attorney I talked to, when she needs to be taken to the ER, I can pursue testing for dementia or Alzheimer's then and possibly place her in a facility.
She hasn't gone to a Dr for years and refused all medical help.
It's a stressful situation! I'm hanging in there. Taking it one day at a time!
If you are not her PoA or legal guardian you don't have much legal power to make decisions for her anyway. You need to step back from being her rescuer: don't clean her house or shop for her or take her places. Keep calling APS so they see the *real* situation, not what you are propping up and enabling. You are delaying the most likely solution that is available in this situation.
I'm so sorry for how distressing this is. It will get worse for a while but then things will improve. I wish you peace in your heart as you work through this.
That first paragraph of yours is, sadly the goal.
Your mother DOES need to have the ambulance called and for that ambulance to delivery her to that facility so that she can get diagnosed properly and then placed FROM THE HOSPITAL with the help of their social workers, into care.
Sorry, but there is really no other answer than the answers you already researched for yourself, were given, and so far are unwilling to do.
Until you are willing to take the needed steps this will go on, and you are enabling an unsafe situation.
If you and mom are lucky she will pass in her own home in some accident. More likely is that you will find her on the floor with broken bones and THEN all this will be done.
There are sadly no good answers when it comes to this.
You say that the facility mom would be taken to with her violent outbursts is "not a good place to be". No, of course it isn't. Who would want to go to a psyc facility. But it is the place SHE BELONGS and the place she NEEDS TO BE. Sadly.
I wish I had a magic wand, or was a Saint and could make you a miracle, but there are no good answers here. And you will spend capital you hold in mental and physical health until you realize this must be handled. As I said, mom doesn't have a good prognosis no matter how this is handled. She may prefer to die on the floor at home. And that may be the best option for her. But at some point you will be left with doing the only thing you CAN do that seems even minimally "right".
I am so very very sorry. I am SO sorry.