I’m getting input from the facility, from hospice, from insurance - all from their own perspectives of course. I understand as POA the decision about how to proceed is mine but could use some advice from people with experience and no agenda. Please (heart failure; hx of stroke, bypass).
(I want to add that I know how hard it is to choose do nothing, even when you know there is nothing else you can do)
With advanced dementia he probably will not do well with anesthesia.
(Do his doctors even think he is a candidate for surgery given his medical history?)
With advanced dementia he probably will not be able to participate in rehab.
He probably, even with surgery to repair the fracture not walk again.
He will be at higher risk for pressure wounds.
Once he has surgery (if this is your decision) he can then qualify for Hospice.
Without surgery he will probably survive not much more than 6 to 9 months. Honestly with surgery it would probably be about the same since he would be very limited in his activities and would probably be in wheelchair or bed. (due to the fact that he probably would not do well in rehab)
I said for years when I had to make tough decisions for my Husband I was ruled by 2 major organs.
My head
My heart.
I could only hope that my head would rule on the important decisions like the one you have to make.
I can tell you in your situation I would opt NOT to have the surgery done.
Do you have any specific question for us.
For the most part I will refer you to your hospice. They are paid enormous amounts of money to have on hand social workers, clergy, RN. MAKE USE OD THEM. Keep a small notebook with your daily questions. Call with your questions.
I am glad you've made this decision.
I hope you'll keep updating us.
I am sorry.
I only say this because I have had a few patients with unstable fractures so bad , the surgeon said it would have been impossible to keep them comfortable even bedbound with turning them for incontinence care etc . The goal was comfort, not walking.
Otherwise , I would say no surgery and keep him comfortable .
I can't imagine how challenging this all has been for you.
May The Lord give you strength, guidance and wisdom for this time.
(((Great big warn hug!!)))
What are his doctors saying?
I really agree with those who say his comfort is the first consideration.
With advanced Alz. and his health history, his (and his body's) ability to cope with major surgery is limited. What challenges are there with surgery vs without surgery?
Everyone has their own axe to grind, including I am sure, his relatives. What, in his best mind would he have wanted? Which decision can YOU best live with?
What a rough time you have had and are having. My heart goes out to you. Prayers for the best outcome all things considered. Please keep us updated.
There is nothing to lose in mentation, really, is there? And nothing to lose otherwise. Let us say that he were "to pass" while under anesthesia. Is there any better way than that to go? Truthfully, his life is now burden to him, and to all who must stand helpless witness.
He would be in pain without surgery and the necessity of heavy medication for this pain would affect body, mind as well. And he would surely very quickly get orthostatic pneumonia.
Falls are often the beginning of the end. It was so for my mom even though she didn't "break" anything with hers. Weeks later she was gone.
I wish you good luck. Be guided by the medical team. There is nothing risk free now for him or for you. Good luck.
If the Memory care cannot care for him, then you may need to transfer him to LTC.
I am so grateful for all of you who have listened to me through this and given me the benefit of your experience, comfort and strength. You’ve set me back on course when I was veering and encouraged me when I was feeling defeated. Most important, you helped me to prepare for his decline and set up my life without my provider and protector. I made a few mistakes along the way but, oh, they would have been so much worse without you!
I have some questions about my husband’s last couple of days as well as his actual passing and I know I can come to you when I’m ready to ask them.
Thank you with all of my broken heart.
Your husband is at peace now.
I’m sure he would say that you did a great job , your best in such a heartbreaking journey . He was grateful for your love and care , even if he could not tell you so . Cherish good memories.
((((Hugs)))
I don’t know how Medicare Advantage Plan work for bereavement counseling.