We have asked social services, commission on aging, doctors, animal control, and different government agencies. They say they cannot help. Mom is diabetic and refuses to take her medicine. She needs her toenails cut and refuses to go to foot doctor. They are so long that they are curling under the big toes. She had a stroke less than a year ago and refuses to go back for follow up treatment. Her memory is going away fast. Female has five adults' cats and three six-month-old kittens in kennels in her kitchen that she feeds, waters, changes the kennel once or twice a day. We are unsure if the cats get outs daily. Her house smells like cats. Unsure of female's eating. She has food however she has lost down from about a size 12 to 8 in the last six months. Female has food in the home. She said she takes a sink bath instead of the tub or shower and we are unsure how many times a week. She does not wash clothes sometimes for weeks. Female is refusing to leave her house. The family does not have the $5, 000. or more to take the female to court to get power of attorney to be able to take her against her will to the doctor, clean her house, take the cats outside or give them away, hire someone to assist her, etc... Female is become a hoarder. Is there anyone who can help us? She lives in South Carolina.
If she goes to the hospital, this is when you act. You tell the staff she needs to be evaluated for Dementia and 24/7 care. I would say she needs to be in Longterm care. It would not be easy caring for someone like this. While she is in the hodpital, call and have the animals removed.
You may just need to wait until something happens that winds her up in the hospital.
If your calls INCLUDED APS and included your county's commission on safe housing (check with Fire Department in your area; suggest fire hazard. They may intervene with the county), then I say you have attempted the best you are able to intervene for this poor woman.
She may die of this situation. She may live in it, with this situation worsening with time, and reports needing to be filed AGAIN AND AGAIN. She is 86. She has had her life, and as I tease about mySELF (82) and my partner (84), we are past our sell-by date. While this poor woman may die in her circumstance, she may as likely die being forced into a nursing home. We all are headed in the same direction and to the same place.
Sadly, this may have fallen into the category of "Not everything can be fixed".
If APS and the State will not take guardianship, in these circumstances there is likely there is no answer.
If anyone is able to install cameras here then there is at least a possibility of finding her "down" and getting her to hospital care, where social workers may intervene in the matter.
I can only wish you good luck, but you seem to have taken the steps we would recommend to no avail. So as a Forum of total strangers, some of us as far away as Australia, there's little, I think, we have to offer but our sympathy and best wishes.
I hope you'll keep us updated.
If you've already reported her to social services then they obviously don't think she's "bad enough" yet. Nonetheless, just keep reporting her.
Poor kitties; can you discreetly attempt to rehome them?
To report suspected Abuse, Neglect, or Exploitation of a Vulnerable adult, call 1-888-CARE4US (1-888-227-3487) or online at:
https://dss.sc.gov/adult-protection/adult-protective-services/
Unless you can lie to her about getting her to the doctor.
I did lie to my daddy - I told him that the doctor would not renew his prescriptions unless he went to the doctor. YES I LIED!
If you can think of any other kind of lie she may listen to do it! Oh and always blame it on the doctor, police, the guy down the street! Always be on her side!
I really appreciate the change from "mom" to "female" in your post. It shows you have already mentally separated as you needed and should. That is not your mom's behavior, it is memory related issues and sadly I will say ... I hope she doesn't last long in this world. Hospice and adult protective services are your only option for her and the cats.
Highly recommended that the rest of your family each put their own POA and MPOA in place so this doesn't happen to another member of the family. Protect each other! Get the paperwork in place NOW! Durable POAs can work this kind of situation, a POA after passing does NOT cover. AND if you want a say in the funeral arrangements you have to have a specific line in the POA...unless you are the spouse...at least in Arizona.
Know that you are doing what you can and each of us know that aging is painful to watch. Take care of yourself.
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