Any advice about guardianship?
I don't want to go to court for it unless I know the criteria for it being granted. I usually hear that it is merited when the dementia patient is a danger to themselves or others. Mom seems normal to many people who don't know her, yet she has poor judgement with finances, can't read her bank statements, and has invited a homeless guy in to live/help around the house. The "helper" forged a check for hundreds of dollars and stole property. Finally got her to try assisted living and she won't stay even though she can't cook or clean well anymore. Personality changes have caused her to push her kids away (periodically revoking Power of attorney) and make false accusations of the very people helping her most. Would guardianship help in this case? I know there is financial and physical guardianship. I can't really see her in a locked facility yet, but she is so uncooperative with her care. Anyone have suggestions? I just don't know what to do with her.
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It also costs between $7,000-$10,000 in legal fees which you can reimburse yourself from mom's money once guardianship is granted.
I saw some serious abuses by court-appointed nonfamily guardians when I worked for one particular elder attorney. They literally fleeced the woman for whom they were supposed to care...made home improvements (which may or may not have been necessary as there was no indication from the pleadings exactly what the alleged needs were), cut off contact with her friends who had come over regularly, ran up fees, and more.
Would your siblings contest your attempt at guardianship if you wanted to become appointed as guardian? This would influence the court to appoint someone outside the family. On the other hand, if your siblings agreed to your guardianship, that would be a bonus.
The homeless thief is certainly a bad indicator, but as far as managing her own finances, that's not unusual for an elderly person.
Are you a joint signatory on her checking account? If you could get financial control then at least you could handle that aspect. But it does sound as though her fluctuation on the POA issue might be problematic because she may decide later that she doesn't want you to manage her finances.
Is there any medical diagnosis of dementia, or does it appear as though her personality is changing with age and/or physical and mental deterioration?
Wish I had some good solid suggestions but I don't.
they (court or otherwise) may not pick a family member to be the guardian,
they may have the court (the judge) appoint one...
On the other hand, my father was placed in an AL per the recommendations of doctors. We were told he really should not live alone. My siblings nor I could quit our jobs to live with him as we needed our own healthcare upon retirement so we had him transferred from a rehab unit. Dad didn't realize he could refuse. His thinking was always that the doctors knew best. The transition was a little rough but he adjusted in a very positive place where he got exercise, made friends so was not lonely, received good food, and a lot of love. They became his family when we were not around. They even had children come in to perform. The bonus was when old friends went to visit him.
Finding what works is an on going, ever changing process. As I am typing this, the phone rang and the in home health aide is calling about another issue. There is no resolution for my husband as the parents are not cooperative and the father is currently is beginning to swell up. Perhaps today will be the day for something to happen. We are burned out.
BTW when FIL refused to stay at rehab, the Center said that if he went home without 24-hour care, they would have to report him to Family Services. Parents would be another set of eyes during their short visits. Cannot imagine what will be said about more strangers coming through their door.
We cannot even get doctors to state that he is Hospice eligible even after being diagnosed with the worst rheumatoid arthritis they have ever seen along with Congestive Heart Failure and a mass (non malignant) in his lungs.. When we told FIL how that his pain patches cost $1,000 he stopped using them. That was not our intent. After the phone call today, this may be his demise. He will no longer go to the hospital.
My advice is to know your options and consider guardianship as last resort....make sure you can afford all the costs...because you have to pay, not the loved one. Yes, if you get financial guardianship, you can reimburse your costs...but if it's $20k or so when all is said and done, that may be a lg chunk of the estate.
Here's my take on guardianships, although I have not been one I have been executrix twice and spent more hours in probate court where also guardianships & conservatorships are heard and got to hear all sorts of drama on G/C:
- it is expensive, at least 7K and maybe to 20K with NO assurance that you will be named guardian. You have to front the funds for this too even if the elder has oodles of $$.
- not all attorney's are good at G/C. If you are serious about doing this you want someone who does this all the time as they know the judges and how they run their court. Probate court is open records (I think is is true in all states) and most county/parish courthouses have on-line document availability. So you can look at the guardianships from the recent past and can tell who (the law firm) filed it. This is important as the same names are going to show up over & over again, those are the attorneys to speak to consider handling your G/C.
- the judge is the smartest & best looking person in the room, even if he looks like Jabba the Hut. They have a good bit of discretion as so much of what is presented is subjective so paying respect to the judge & having an attorney who knows the court is critical.
- if you have any issues either personal or financial you are kinda toast on being named the G/C. The court routinely does a credit & background check for those applying to be a G/C. So if you declared bankruptcy or had a short-sell or don't have a job, you are toast. If there are any priors in your household or even juvee issues, you are toast on being named.
- most of the time the judge is going to want the G/C to live in the community, so if you live out of state or what they consider "a drive", you may not be named.
- the family needs to present a united front & be all kum-ba-ya on who to be named as the G/C. If there is any friction, the judge will likely name a court appointed temporary guardian.
- the judge has a list of vetted and approved G/C which they can name. Although I'm sure there are nightmare stories of outside G/C's fleecing their wards, most G/C have gone through training to do this within their state's rules.
- if you are named G/C you will have to do regular reporting to the court as to expenses and actions. If you don't, you will get a serious dressing down by the Jabba the Judge too.
- there are different levels of G/C, sometimes you can get it just for financials.
When we were doing my mom's legal a dz + years ago, her estate attorney had mom do a "Guardianship In Case of Incapacity" in which she named me. He told me that he did these routinely because it provides something to deflect the day that mom would in a fit of pique revoke my POA or do something else loco, basically a trump card for me to use if need be. Never needed to use it but nice to have.
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