This person has been failing (and in denial about it) for many years until an accident forced the decision to get them into care. They now have a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. Currently they're in assisted living, but soon may need a nursing home. They have a will already; the POA has been enacted; we're doing all we can. Yet this person is constantly asking us to allow control of their own money, checkbook, credit card, etc. NOT possible and not safe! We do dispense cash, but that's not good enough. How can we give our relative some dignity without giving them access to things they cannot and should not handle?
This may be advised to be done under supervision "Dad, I'll come by end of each month and we'll go thru bills so you can pay and then have lunch after".
Also, I think prepaid card sounds good -- then YOUR loved one can use to take you out for lunch, etc and they pay and feel in control.
You just have to be careful with limited money and not leaving checkbook around where someone unscrupulous could get ahold of it and make unauthorized purchases.
Another option is if you can open a new account and transfer all funds over there and cancel old account. Let the elder continue to write checks on old account - but the checks will be invalid. (again you never mail these). They feel good, you don't have to worry about the bogus checks.
My friend also set up a desk for her dad and would give him folders, old stuff, pens, pads, etc. so he could "go to work everyday" -- he was constantly engaged in shuffling papers, looking at old policies, etc.; keeping his calendar (might want to cross out any confidential data (account numbers, SSN).
Hard to make them feel important. The other thing is when you get these "fake" credit card or aarp cards in the mail - you can always tuck them into a purse or wallet and in makes someone feel important carrying it around, but it is "un-usable".
My mom is in memory care and obsessed with her mail, bills and money. I keep telling her the fib is that "we put HOLD" on mail at post office and all her mail is being held for her until "next week". She is good with that.
Also, nice if you can send your loved one cards, letters, bring over the junk mail for them to go through. It lets them feel in control and they tire easily from it because they no longer have the focus.
Elder law attorney told me the $20 weekly allowance would be fine if we ever needed Medicaid qualification. Court hasn't had any problems when reviewing expenses either.