our estranged dad came back into my life at the beginning on the year. I since then decided to be an advocate for him during his health issues, visit & take care of him and his finances. Dad is a schizophrenic & has been homeless. So I was finally in touch with him & helping care for him. I texted brothers with medical questions & money questions. Since dad has been since he has been on disability so he was not getting much money at all. He’s been staying in a nursing home. Because of his condition I have POA. I also took care of his money (debit card). I would get him clothes when he needed them and whatever else he wanted or needed. My brothers never went and saw him nor wanted to have anything to do with him. Didn’t care. He passed away just recently and now my brothers want to see all the receipts of everything that came out of his account. They want to know if I was taking his money (I was NOT). They dropped this on me last week & social security account etc have been closed because of his death. They are pissed that I cannot access the account and I can’t prove where any of the money went. I have some receipts because they were emailed to me but other than that nothing. They say I’m an idiot because I should of know I would need to show them? I’m obviously hurt but am I at fault? I guess I should of know but if they wanted NOTHING to do with him why would I think they wanted any receipts? I was doing it for 7 months and was never told anything until now. I’m trying to get info but it’s social security it’s going to take awhile. I’m being treated like a thief and that I’m an idiot. There is a lot of stuff that went on with dads care because of his mental illness & a lot I left out. This is just the basic situation I’m having and need help with.
“There’s a chance we’ll be all be liable for his debts.”
POOF! Into thin air.
Of course you're not at fault. You stepped up to care for dad while your brothers did squat and are only NOW coming out to sniff around for cash. So give it to them.....the whole dollar.
My condolences on your loss.
That is priceless! Put a crisp one-dollar bill in an envelope and give it to him. That's what the father has left after all his expenses. LOL
Agreed.
"Dad is a schizophrenic & has been homeless"
"...he has been on disability so he was not getting much money at all."
"He’s been staying in a nursing home."
I doubt he had any assets to put in a will if he had a will.
Thanks for being such an inspiring example of a caring daughter in very trying circumstances. My deepest condolences for your loss.
Sorry you are dealing with so much crap.
So they are mad because all they want is money and none is left for them. Good! That's a small payback for leaving you with all the care burden. Tell that to their grubby faces. And tell them if they want to know where the money was spent, they can go ask dad. Then laugh at them.
Why do you care how they treat you now? Do you care if a cockroach hates you? You don't need jerks in your life. Tell them to get out of your life. Change your number so they can't contact you anymore.
1) Did Dad leave a will? If so, did it appoint an executor, and who is it. Who were the beneficiaries under the will? If you are the executor, and the brothers are beneficiaries, they are entitled to a bit of information, however appalling their behavior and motives. If someone else is the executor, that is the person who should be asking you for the information, and the person who the brothers should be asking about it.
2) No will? How much is the estate worth now? Is there enough money to spend on dealing with this legally? If there is, and if the brothers have an entitlement worth arguing about, then they will need to contribute to the legal costs of winding up the estate. Ask for a commitment and/or contribution to costs up front. If they want to attack you in the legal proceedings, they will be paying the legal costs of that themselves (unless of course they prove that you really were stealing the money for yourself).
A simple strategy could be to provide them a figure for Dad’s assets (perhaps only bank balance) a) when you started care and also b) when he died. If it has not changed much, it shows that only what he received in pension has been withdrawn for his living costs (which is what the pension is for). If it has gone down a lot, it would be good if you could give an indication of why, because this is what you might have 'stolen'.
My guess is that someone has told them that a POA has to keep records, and they are licking their lips. However they need to know if there actually is any money there for them to gain. You aren’t going to be forced to pay them anything because the records aren’t perfect, only if they can show that you took it for yourself. Get yourself and them straight about the money before you spend it on a lawyer at this point. Best wishes, Margaret
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