My dad is 88 under reconstructive hip surgery. He had a stroke. My mom had open heart surgery. My dad gets up, wanders around and falls. My mother can’t pick him up, so I have to. That happens all night and then I have to go to work. I’m wondering if you guys can help me.
AND you think you should quit your job to take care of her????
Unless you have a spouse who works for Google or you have a million dollar trust fund backing you up for retirement, this is a terrible idea.
Either your parents' resources fund their care or if they are impoverished, there is Medicaid.
It is almost never a good idea for an adult child to leave their employment to care for a parent.
Why is your mom not going to rehab?
If you are up all night picking your dad up when he falls all night, and then have to go to work, how in the world do you think you can continue on like that, before you'll be the one needing care?
It comes down to having to do now what is not only best for them, but you as well. And to me that sounds like placing them in the appropriate facility, where they will receive the care they need and you can just be their advocate.
I wish you the best.
If the wandering is caused by dementia, that adds another layer.
Being new to this, I would hire help or put them temporarily into respite care. This isn't just for them, but it is also school for you should you be involved in hands-on.
I appreciate your input and concern. But we do have a close-knit family that we do share overnight stays to take care of our Parents. No layers, No Care Takers. Peggy Sue 2020 I think I am more than qualified to take care of my parents. I am CPR certified I’ve been trained in psychological warfare. not really. But I’m CPR certified. Piggy unless you are a profiler. I know what medication and what time to give to my father, my mother is very self-sufficient, she’s a firecracker. I am Physical fit. I know it’s work mentally and physically. sometimes all night. Like list night. I just can’t see anyone else taking care of my dad He is a pain. my mom would just get in the way because she’s there all the time no matter who’s there taking care of him. While I’m here I’m gonna remodel the bathroom instead of a tub, a walk-in shower. So that’s why I need some help. Financially.
I appreciate everybody’s input It means a lot. yours truly Jack
I have known of at least eight men in the trades who have been subject to caretaking as things got worse for the elders. They took the burden on for years and in some cases, decades. I just now talked to my next-door neighbor and heard the hands-down worst story ever--it rivals anything on this forum--about what happened to her father due to a grifter caregiver AND how terrible the rehab/snf was (it was private, they had money).
No wonder children feel like they have to step in. But another reason is frankly inheritance. It's a real concern with anyone with appreciating property in California particularly if it's been held for a long time.
Given all this, I would suggest that if you do this that you devise a family-care agreement with help from an attorney. This is esp important if you have siblings or other inheritors to the will. If they too help they should be paid accordingly. $25/hour is realistic for your area.
BUT my question remains, how will you take care of YOURself in your old age if you quit your job?
Also, I "get" the fact that you want no lawyers. But please familiarize yourself with Medicaid regs for their state before starting on this journey. We've had so many good-hearted posters end up in a financial mess themselves because they didn't understand current Medicaid regs.
This is really a personal decision, Jack. We see people who dedicate decades to this care, as others have said, and things get worse and worse and worse until they have sacrificed their own welfare, their own families, their own money, their own living and home, and in some instances their own MINDS. This is a decision only you can make. I have made it clear to my children growing up that this is NOT what I want them EVER to do. My parents made it clear to me.
Again, this is your decision. Stay on Forum a while, read, and this may help you make it.
Since u have construction skills, widen the doorways. Install grab bars in the hallway and shower. Make the shower and bathroom handicap accessible
Buy extra sheet sets and padding called chucks for the incontinence that will soon come if it is not already here. Watch videos on how to change adult diapers. Learn the symptoms of UTI.
Go on craigslist and get the elder-care tools u will need- shower chair, potty chair, walker, rollater, hospital bed, lift, etc. u and your close-knit, helpful family will have the tools u need to care for them.