I am the fiduciary for my father. I do nearly everything and have for the past five years. The last thing I received from my parents was $500 when I finished graduate school (which I paid for myself) 30 years ago. My sibling is an entirely different story. My parents have paid for schooling for them, their children, vacations, entertainment, etc. My sibling is the greediest person I've ever met and their motto seems to be, "why pay for something myself when I can get someone else to pay for it?" even though they have plenty of money to live a nice life. For example, they have retired 10 years early and are planning a vacation in excess of six figures.
Once again, they are demanding that I share my father's financial situation and essentially audit my oversight of his finances. I am not inclined to subject myself to this scrutiny and can only see the motivation as greed in anticipation of future payout. I am sick to death of this person and the stress and anxiety they cause for me. I'm inclined to say, "pound sand." I'm insulted. I fear I may have to cut them out of my life.
I anticipate my father will have enough to cover his care, but I am not God. He is 89. What shall I say to my sibling? I want to draw a clear line and have this nonsense STOP. I have had an attorney involved in drawing up a trust. I am happy to have the attorney see all of my work. But I am not going to bow to my sibling's demands and want to make that clear.
This person has been entitled and self-absorbed their entire life. I am not inclined to subject myself to their audit, nor do I feel obligated to gather/copy records for them. My bookkeeping is pretty methodical— I haven’t kept every receipt, but I do have a spreadsheet that ticks and ties to the penny. All of dad’s finances are separate. I do not pay myself, save for an occasional tank of gas (verbal agreement with dad). Dad is about 4 hours round trip drive away.
In the interest of being somewhat civil, I did say — “One of my responsibilities as fiduciary is to maintain confidentiality. Best to contact dad's attorney. He can help alleviate your concerns.” Cue intensified rage, to which I replied, “My records are very transparent... and legal. Blocking you until you've had a chance to calm down.” Unfortunately, this may have to be permanent. Sad, but this person is taking up way too much headspace and is starting to affect my physical health. If they weren’t a sibling, we would never be friends. I really don’t care for them and haven’t for a very long time.
Do your best to put this behind you. You mentioned that it is starting to affect your health. Please don’t allow your sibling to rob you of your health. They aren’t worth that.
Best wishes to you.
And yes, I pay myself when I need to. Such as when I have to travel to see him and spend a few weeks with him and therefore can’t work. If my brother has an issue with that, he can pound sand.
Do you have to be involved with your sibling? If you don’t, then I think that I would focus my attention on your dad.
You don’t owe any explanation to your sibling.
Best wishes to you and your father.
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