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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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It’s gotten to the point where my husband and I have become extremely resentful of his father. We feel like he’s ruining our lives, and putting him in assisted living is not a viable option for us unfortunately.
Caring for your father is having a negative impact on your husband's health, it seems.
Without any other information, it appears that you should take the elder to the ER and ask for a "social admit"-- you tell them that he can no longer be cared for at home.
He’s ruining your lives, causing your husband to have a heart issue that could kill him, and moving him to assisted living isn’t an option? How far would this have to go before it would be?
Who's more important: FIL or your husband? If the answer is your husband then you will do whatever it takes to protect him and your marriage. Call social workers, call 911 to take him to the hospital and then do not go back to get him. Let the county become his guardian and then they'll take care of the decision-making. It will feel hard at first but then things will get better once FIL is out of your presence.
With Dementia ur FIL is not a candidate for an Assisted Living, he would be placed in Memory Care, which even is more expensive. I will assume AL not being an option is FIL can't afford it. If this is so, then you place him into Longterm care. He will qualify because he is 24/7 care. Talk to Dads PCP and tell him having the care of Dad is effecting DHs health. You need to place FIL.
Medicare does not pay for LTC only Rehab which is 100% the first 20 days and the 21st to 100, 50% as Barb said.
Medicaid pays for LTC. FIL needs to fit the income criteria. Check with your state but asset level is usually 2k allowed. The monthly income level in my State is just over $2300. If his monthly income level is over the amt set in your State, there are Miller/Qualifying Income Trusts, in some States, that can be set up by a lawyer for the overage so FIL qualifies.
If he has any money get him placed in a LTC facility that allows Medicaid. My Mom had 20k. I applied for Medicaid in April. Placed Mom May 1st, her 20k covered May and June. This gave me time to spend down her money and get info needed to her Medicaid caseworker. June I confirmed caseworker had everything and Medicaid started July 1st. I allowed the NH to become Moms payee for SS and her pension so I did not have to worry about that. If he has no money, talk to Medicaid about getting him in a facility. If FIL goes to the hospital, refuse to take him home saying he needs care that you are no longer able to give him. They will tell you they can get you in home care but its not enough and then your dealing with aides coming and going.
Your husbands health is now at stake. That is his and your #1 concern. Dad is second. Its time for someone else to do Dads care.
Teethgrinder, Medicare will cover the first 20 days of REHAB in a facility after a qualifying hospital stay IF rehab is ordered by a doctor. Medicare covers day 21-100 at 50%. A good Medicare supplement plan may pick up the other 50% IF the patient is cooperative and is determined to need continued therapy by the therapy team.
Paulleenator, welcome to the forum. May I ask when was the last time your Dad-in-law was tested for a Urinary Tract Infection? Such an infection can cause all types of different behavior issues in an older person.
An UTI test can be done by Dad-in-Laws primary doctor [peeing in a cup] and even by Urgent Care. If it comes back positive, antibiotics can help control the infection.
It's worth a try. If it is not an UTI, then time for primary doctor to recommend a med that will help calm down your husband's dad.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Without any other information, it appears that you should take the elder to the ER and ask for a "social admit"-- you tell them that he can no longer be cared for at home.
Who's more important: FIL or your husband? If the answer is your husband then you will do whatever it takes to protect him and your marriage. Call social workers, call 911 to take him to the hospital and then do not go back to get him. Let the county become his guardian and then they'll take care of the decision-making. It will feel hard at first but then things will get better once FIL is out of your presence.
Medicare does not pay for LTC only Rehab which is 100% the first 20 days and the 21st to 100, 50% as Barb said.
Medicaid pays for LTC. FIL needs to fit the income criteria. Check with your state but asset level is usually 2k allowed. The monthly income level in my State is just over $2300. If his monthly income level is over the amt set in your State, there are Miller/Qualifying Income Trusts, in some States, that can be set up by a lawyer for the overage so FIL qualifies.
If he has any money get him placed in a LTC facility that allows Medicaid. My Mom had 20k. I applied for Medicaid in April. Placed Mom May 1st, her 20k covered May and June. This gave me time to spend down her money and get info needed to her Medicaid caseworker. June I confirmed caseworker had everything and Medicaid started July 1st. I allowed the NH to become Moms payee for SS and her pension so I did not have to worry about that. If he has no money, talk to Medicaid about getting him in a facility. If FIL goes to the hospital, refuse to take him home saying he needs care that you are no longer able to give him. They will tell you they can get you in home care but its not enough and then your dealing with aides coming and going.
Your husbands health is now at stake. That is his and your #1 concern. Dad is second. Its time for someone else to do Dads care.
If he's living with you, tell him it's time for him to leave, and the deadline is X.
Medicare covers nursing home care for 90 days. After that, it's up to your FIL, not you, to pay. Medicaid will kick in.
Same situation with my FIL, unfortunately, but he's in his own home.
An UTI test can be done by Dad-in-Laws primary doctor [peeing in a cup] and even by Urgent Care. If it comes back positive, antibiotics can help control the infection.
It's worth a try. If it is not an UTI, then time for primary doctor to recommend a med that will help calm down your husband's dad.