Any ideas on how to handle her "acquiring" our things?

During the last few years Mom lived in her own home, dementia had already set in. When I'd go to visit, I had to watch everything! The keys to my car ended up in her purse. Anything belonging to me that wasn't nailed down: clothing, books, medications, etc ended up in Mom's closet, bookshelves, and bathroom.

I think it was confusion associated with the dementia and not kleptomania. She really thought those things were hers. Never mind my name was on my medication, or the key ring holding my car keys was distinctive.

On the other hand, I caught her plundering my overnight duffle and those of my family when we'd go to visit. Not so innocent, I think. She was probably looking for "evidence" to support her paranoia.

All part of the dementia. After a few episodes of this, I started hiding my overnight bag. When she'd be in the shower or otherwise occupied, I'd conduct a search through the house of anything I was missing. You are justified to do the same I should think, especially in your own house. Invading her privacy? Extraordinary circumstances call for extraordinary rules.

She is in your home, she doesn't have any privacy. You have already found items, what if they were valuable, would you feel differently?

Because of her outbursts I would have her son involved with the recovery of pilfered items. I agree with your husband to recover items weekly. Lock up the valuables.

It’s looking like she will need more care and attention than you will be able to give at your home. This is not going to get easier or better.

So, we had another "incident" yesterday. Husband took his mom out to get her a new ID. After a tantrum and a weekend long battle, the tag agency was finally open and we decided it wasn't worth the fight. While she was out, I carefully went through her stuff and found a ton of our things. Mostly my Christmas presents I thought the kids had spirited away somewhere and some jewelry that had emotional significance. There was also an old coffee filter filled with something gross that turned out to be orange peels because she thought they smelled nice. When she came home, she could tell I'd been through her stuff (mostly because the missing moldy orange peels) and went irate about it. She was completely irrational. She raged about us invading her privacy and how rude it was; how we had no right. I calmly showed her the things I had found in her belongings and she instantly admitted she stole them. "I knew that wasn't mine. But I liked it, so I took it. It's not stealing because I didn't remove it from the house and I would have given it back eventually." After a long battle, involving her sneaking out while we cleaned up things she had thrown at us, she was successfully located and brought back by the police. We told her she was living under our roof, and would live by our rules which include occasional checks of her belongings so we can recover our stuff. We also told her we would be adding the new security door chimes to her rent because she can't just leave at 8:00pm with no shoes or jacket in 40 degree weather. In order to make sure she is safe, we need to add the door chimes to make sure she can't disappear. She threw away a bunch of her stuff last night. We had to hide the trashcans. She doesn't seem to remember this morning. She is complaining about missing things (things she threw away) and when she tried to go for a walk (without shoes or a coat, again) the door chime startled her. She decided not to go out. I slipped and said I was just trying to be understanding about her dementia and she became very upset. She is adamant she does NOT have dementia and that her brain is just a little weird but it will get better someday. I am at my wits end with this. I can't chase after her through the neighborhood and leave my kids at home alone, but I can't let her roam around the neighborhood on her own when she doesn't have enough sense to stay out of the road and stop at intersections. She refuses to go for walks accompanied by us, and accuses us of holding her prisoner and following her to make sure she doesn't escape. We really need to get her into a facility that can better care for her, but I just don't know HOW. We can't afford it, she's only 52, and everywhere we call says they won't take her without consent unless we have guardianship. The worst part, I think, is that I know this won't get any better. When my kids throw a tantrum, I can take deep breaths because I know they won't last forever. Someday, my kids will be grown up and won't throw tantrums anymore. But this is completely opposite. I look at the destruction she leaves in her wake and realize this is the best it will ever be. It's all downhill from here.

It sounds like it may have reached the point where she cannot safely live with you. If you haven't already, get paperwork done (DPOA, MPOA), and research options for her to live in a more controlled environment.

Given what you have found so far it seems like you MUST do regular checks to make sure she hasn't taken something valuable or dangerous. It sounds like she has at least some degree of Anosognosia, which means she won't understand the need for this. She will probably get angry, as she has already. You won't be able to reason with her for the most part, so you'll just have to prepare yourself for the anger.

Good luck in a difficult situation.

Taking in a person who suffers from dementia/Alzheimer's is a BIG undertaking and requires that you gain as much knowledge about the disease as humanly possible.

A person with dementia may begin to collect things that do not belong to them in an effort calm the fears and anxieties that often plague them. Sometimes individuals may appear to “hoard” due to confusion about how to handle particular tasks, rather than a simple desire to collect things. They might hoard or hide things for many reasons: It makes them feel more secure. It's a way to deal with losing memories and not being able to do things they used to do.

Here is some information on the subject from the Alzheimer's Association:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptoms/hiding-hoarding-losing

Stay in close contact with MILs doctor who can let you know about the stages of the disease & when it may become necessary to place her in Memory Care.

Best of luck.

If it is not nailed down, my step fathers wife will pick it up and stick it in her purse. If she goes out to a restaurant she will clean the table off, butter, rolls, creamers, you name it.

Step father was in the hospital, she was trying to remove hand wipes from the wall, dispenser and all.

We can not leave our wallets or phones anywhere near her, they will disappear. I am afraid that she is also lifting stuff from Walmart...she is mentally ill...no doubt about it.