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I’m my mom’s caregiver even though she’s in memory care. I’m trying to take care of her bills/house and mine as well. My problem amongst many others is that I have AUD. I feel so guilty and ashamed! I can’t go to rehab now as I need to handle all affairs. I’m not asking for mercy, but just want to know if anyone else has a drinking problem and what they did about it. I can’t go on like this! I’ve always been the “fixer” in the family and now I need fixing myself. Mom has major dementia due to 2 strokes. She can barely hear or see which makes communication very difficult. I may have posted something similar in the past, but I can’t remember. I need help or a kick in the butt. Thanks for listening ❤️

If you have POA read it and see if you can sell the house. If so, sell it. Having my Moms house was an Albatross around my neck. Such a weight was taken off my shoulders when I finally sold it. Place the proceeds into an account and use it only for her. She will never live in it again.

Your problem may be you are a fixer and not everything can be fixed. Get tge help you need.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Congratulations on your courage in facing your needs. I'm saying some prayers for you. Consider the fact that your mom is in memory care a blessing because it frees you up to get the help you need, including inpatient rehab if necessary. The staff will take care of her. Put the bills on autopay as much as possible. Have trusted friends or family members check on the houses periodically. You can do this. There is NO SHAME and there is plenty of mercy available from others whether in rehab or AA or whatever route you take. This is NOT a character flaw; there are genetic predispositions. Just the fact that this has been renamed AUD shows the increased understanding of this. Take care of yourself the way you've always taken care of others in your life.
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Reply to MG8522
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You don't need a kick in the butt or to heap shame on yourself. You need to get to an AA meeting and recognize your powerlessness over alcohol. Being among others in the same boat and getting a sponsor may help you tremendously. When I first realized I needed help, I went to my local church and just knelt down and asked God for guidance. That's all. And I felt led to an AA meeting where I didn't feel quite so alone or ashamed anymore. Or the need to fix anyone but myself. Your mother is being taken care of already in MC, but you arent. Please take action on behalf of yourself now. Mom is fine, you arent.

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Your mom is now thankfully in a care facility receiving 24/7 care, so now it's time for you to go into care(rehab)so you can get the help you so desperately need, because you and I both know that you can't go on like this for much longer.
I would call APS and tell them that you need for them to take over your moms care, and the reasons why. The state will then take over your moms care and you can get on the road to recovery.
There is help out there for you, but you have to be the one to take the first step.
And just in case you're having trouble taking that first step, I'm more than happy to give you a swift "kick in the butt" to get you going.
You can do this. So go make your mom proud!
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Skindoo, (((hugs))) and welcome to the forum!

Is your doctor recommending rehab (as opposed to AA, a therapist and perhaps medication?)

In your shoes, I would plan to get both homes on autopilot, tell the facility that you are going for in-patient treatment for a few months and take care of YOU!

My heart goes out to you.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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