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Glioblastoma can cause changes in behavior and occur more frequently in men in the age group your BF is in now.

I have known several people personally with glioblastoma. Most recently my niece’s husband died after 19 months of treatment.

He returned from a 40 mi bike ride (his norm) and my niece noticed something. She called her RN son and they questioned him a bit. Answered everything correctly until he got to his BD. Didn’t know his birthday. Trip to the ER that day, tests in the ER. He knew he had a brain tumor in less than 24 hours.

Looking back, there were decisions he made that were questionable. He had taken a new position several states away. My niece, his wife, didn’t think he should take the job so far away from their home. She wanted him to retire. He bought a condo in the new state and flew home every few weeks. He just happened to be home with wife for the weekend. Diagnosed at 68. Dead at 70.

The other one that stands out to me is a guy who worked for DH. Bizarre behavior out of the blue. I thought he had dementia just by listening to conversations he was having with DH. Diagnosed at 64, dead within a couple of weeks at 65.

He was working/living away from home and becoming stranger by the minute it seemed. His wife went to visit and called my DH alarmed at what she found.

Each of these wives might have noticed something earlier if they had been living together 24/7.

Might be worth reading about a bit and seeing if you can get him in for a CT or MRI.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/17032-glioblastoma
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Oh my goodness. Yeah, it would be nice to get him to a doctor but unfortunately, my guy hasn't been to the doctor in years. :-\ He doesn't even have a primary care doctor now, mostly because he complains about the cost and I think he's just a typical guy who doesn't want to think anything is "wrong" with him. He had a very bad bacterial infection in his tooth last year and again earlier this year and it took me making an appointment FOR HIM in order to get him to be seen. He's on Obamacare and doesn't have dental or vision insurance, etc. So yeah, it's a mess.
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I'm going with he's having symptoms caused by using chemicals in a not so well ventilated area. Here are some of the symptoms associated with sniffing glue intentionally or exposure to inhaling chemicals unintentionally:

Headaches
dizziness
nausea and vomiting
abdominal pain
mood swings and belligerence
appearing intoxicated
decline in thinking skills, concentration, and decision-making ability
loss of interest in normal activities
damage to personal relationships
numbness
tingling in hands and feet
loss of coordination
fatigue
hearing loss
apathy
impaired judgment

Brain damage
Sniffing glue and other inhalants — especially those that include the solvents toluene and naphthalene — can damage the myelin sheath, the thin covering around the nerve fibers in the brain and the rest of your nervous system. This damage can cause long-term harm to brain function, causing neurological problems similar to those seen with multiple sclerosis.

Your bf has a few of the symptoms listed above. Dementia presents a bit differently, more like forgetting everything constantly and putting his keys in the freezer, like Alva said. Your bf may be reacting to chemical toxin overload in his system instead.

Really, we can only guess at what's going on. But he should see the doctor stat for a full physical and cognitive workup, with labs to see what his bloodwork looks like. In any event, I think I'd be bowing out of this relationship if it were me. You need to be part of a team where your man treats you with loving attention and patience. Not where you're going to be the subject of his wrath, for WHATEVER reason, medical or behavioral. Who cares? Sometimes love is not enough when you're facing a situation like this.

Good luck to you.
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Thank you so much. <3 Yes, I agree with you - I know I deserve much better and everything was going so well, and then all this started out of the blue. As you'll see from my reply to the post above, getting him to a doctor is near impossible. I should also mention he's somewhat of a regular smoker, but thankfully not a heavy one.

And YES, he's also allergic to a lot of the chemicals he uses in his crafting, but he's still going at it and won't give it up. He tries his best to keep his place ventilated when he's working and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't (ugh). Personally I think it's the chemicals doing this or at least part of his personality change (I think others below are right on the money - I think it might be depression) because he's had an unusual amount of orders come in for his crafting and he's been inundated with chemicals for the past 3 weeks. I'm in a holding pattern at the moment to see what happens when he finishes this batch. However, the past three weeks doesn't explain the way he's been acting/feeling since December of last year. Around that time, he did tell me he was feeling down and there seemed to be some sort of "shift" in his outlook on life, but more or less that "shift" seemed to go up and down, so I didn't pay attention to it. But as you say, I deserve a loving, patient man and if his behavior does not alter into his "old" self that I loved, I'm going to have to move on.
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Agreed - you are probably just getting to know him better and his inhibitions are relaxing around you.

RUN
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AlvaDeer Aug 24, 2024
Amen.
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FaithWhit, when was the last time your boyfriend was tested for an UTI (urinary tract infection)? What you are seeing could be the side effects of a UTI which can mimic dementia and cause someone to become angry. Plus other un-welcomed side effects.


Have your boyfriend go to his primary doctor or to an Urgent Care, where he can be tested for UTI. It's very simple: peeing in a cup. Usually the results can be found while you wait. The treatment is antibiotics.
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
You know, it's funny you should mention this, because not too long ago, I asked him if he had ever had a UTI and he looked at me like I had antlers growing out of my ears, lol. He says he's never had one but this guy rarely gets sick or if/when he does, it lasts for like a day and he's back to normal again. He won't go to the doctor, but that's a mute question. But I do monitor how he's feeling (I have to if I want to understand what's going on with him), and if he has symptoms, I'll make him to go urgent care.
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My boyfriend, who I met in 2012 when he was 61, was diagnosed within a year of moving in with me. My advice is to keep notes in your phone of everything that seems “off”, and date your notes. Keep all of these to discuss with his doctor. Also, Google FAST for dementia, which is what our healthcare system uses for diagnosis. Sounds like your partner may be on the road. So very sorry. I am still managing my partner’s care after placing him in Memory Care after being his 24/7 caregiver for 6 years. We requested a couples therapist at the beginning who was also a geriatric therapist. He helped us with the early stage and diagnosis. You need to know the truth and whether or not you want to stay involved. It has been 12 years for us.
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
I looked this up - so far, he doesn't have any of the symptoms they list. But I *really* like your idea of keeping notes on the phone. I do that anyway, but now I'm going to begin keeping a regular "Is He Normal?" journal. Thank you for this!
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I sympathize with your situation and sent you a private message. Access through your profile page.
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Thank you!! I can't figure out how to reply to private messages but I will say you have my respect!!! <3 Thank you for sharing what you did. I'll pray for you, you can be certain of that. <3
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This doesn't sound like dementia to me. This sounds like depression, or just someone who isn't really enjoying living with you. He's uncaring and argumentative. That isn't dementia. Dementia is putting the butter in the cupboard and putting the flour in the refrigerator. Losing the keys. Poor balance and falls. Getting lost. Wandering.

You are speaking of someone with mental illness, depression, unhappiness, and etc. And you certainly are speaking of someone I would not care to live with. This isn't a husband. This isn't a partner. You call him a "boyfriend" and the whole purpose of boyfriend and girlfriend is to learn if this is someone you want to live with lifelong?

So is he? Someone you wish to live with? For me, he would not be. I think you cannot change people. You aren't responsible for their happiness. But you are responsible for your own and your own choices. You say he makes no indication he wants to end things. No, why would he? He gets to be as grumpy and abusive as he wants to be and you dance around trying to make it OK.

I would seek counseling with him. If he doesn't care to go that would be the line of crossing. I would be out of there.
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Mamacrow Aug 24, 2024
My thoughts Exactly!
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Could be dementia, could be his hiding of mental illness isn’t so hidden anymore. Either way, is this what you want your future to look like, enduring angry outbursts, risking road rage coming back at you both when he acts out at the wrong driver, being gaslighted about what you fully know you’re experiencing? That’s not something I’d stick around for. If it’s dementia or mental illness, neither will be fixed, or even improved. Consider your own worth and goals for your future
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Exactly. However, I don't think he was hiding it. He's not a good liar at all and I would have picked up on stuff before now and while we've had normal ups and downs, he's never acted like this. I seriously think something chemical is going on in his head lately. But I'm sure as hell not going to sit around and be snapped at for the next twenty years. He either works on his behavior or I'm out.
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I have to agree with the others. I so hope your not living together. I would talk to family and co-workers to see if they noticed a change. I would have him get a full physical and have a note ready for the doctor listing what u have seen in the last 8 months. Slip it to the receptionist asking the doctor read it before the exam. This will help the doctor ask the right questions.

I had a woman tell me 50 yrs ago to go thru 4 seasons with a person before getting serious. It takes that long for someone to start showing their real colors. Do not be a martyr here. Do not get anymore into this relationship till you find out what is going on. Don't give up your life for someone you have only known for 2 yrs. If you don't live together good easier to back off. If he is living with you, ask him to leave and why. If your living with him, u leave telling him why. Please, your gut is telling you something. Get out before he takes his anger out on you.
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Nope, thankfully not living together. We actually live about an hour and half away from each other, talk on the phone or text almost daily and see each other about twice a week, if not more. I want him to get a physical, but he won't do it due to financial issues, I think. Or he just hates going to the doctor, like most men. :-( Our ultimate goal is that we DO want to marry so we can move in together, but haha I'm not making that jump until I get a firm grip on what is going on here.

But I concur - I'm not going to dig in any more to this relationship until we get this sorted. I love him more than anything, but I'm thinking that putting that love I have on ice for now is the best course of action - I refuse to give and give and not get anything in return.
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If he managed to keep his moods under control until now, he hid his mental health issues very well from you. Two years is long enough for someone to get comfortable in their relationship and their true nature starts coming out.

As I read your post, I did detect cognitive dissonance on your part. This is normal under these abnormal circumstances. Even though we see changes in someone's treatment of us, we always revert back to the beginning of how we were treated during the honeymoon period of the relationship. Are these actually dementia symptoms or some other type of personality disorder when he deflects and gaslights you into thinking everything is okay. Is he displaying intermittent abuse cycles to keep you off balanced?
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Yes, I've considered the intermittent abuse cycles. Although honestly, if he is doing this, I don't think he's doing it consciously. I have indeed sat him down and asked him why he acts the way he does at certain times and when I suggest that he's doing something (anything, really) on purpose, he gets very confused and asked "where do you come up with this stuff?". It's like he just doesn't see it. He's not a nasty person by nature, so whatever is going on is just odd.
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In order to know what is going on with him, he needs a thorough medical exam by his primary doctor or a neurologist. Other things may be changing him, like a TIA (mini stroke) or a tumor. Or, he may have had a history of mental illness that he never disclosed to you.

In order to get an accurate diagnosis he needs to accept that he's having a problem. If he's in denial, there's literally nothing you can do. Even if it's dementia... there's nothing you can do -- except notify his next of kin, if he is close to any other family.

He may have anosognosia, which is a lack of ability to perceive the realities of one’s own condition. It’s a person’s inability to accept that they have a condition that matches up with their symptoms or a formal diagnosis.

If it were me I would opt out of this relationship right now unless you want to get sucked into being a verbally abused, exhausted caregiver by an ungrateful person, rather than being a happy girlfriend with a loving BF who have a future together.

You can't rescue him. Breaking up may be the only thing that snaps him into the reality of his behavioral situation. It's not your job to fix him. He can't be fixed without his willing participation.
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Yeah I like that idea (snapping him into reality) and I may do just that if it continues, because you're correct, I don't want to be in an abusive relationship. While things have been better this week, as I said above, I'm not banking on it. I would love for him to go to the doctor, but he won't. Eventually maybe he will, but he probably won't for some time (i.e. right now he's focused on getting teeth repaired and wants to "focus on that right now" in his own words. Yeesh.).
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I'm wondering what if his family or friends notice anything different about him. That would tell me a lot because you have only known him for a couple of years.

But I agree with what others are saying, run, no matter what the reason is.

We have discussed this on the forum, at 60 if something happens to my husband, I'll never get into another long term relationship, because I'm going to be done caregiving by then .

Best of luck
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Thank you. He lives alone and is rather introverted, although friendly, so he doesn't really have regular friends or family whom he interacts with daily, besides me, one other female friend he's had for 10 years that lives nearby and siblings that live in different states, but even the other friend and his family are usually once in a while phone call/text sorts of things. He of course has a circle of acquaintances that he runs into frequently in the town he lives in, but he doesn't make a serious effort to see them. ;-) He sees his siblings at family events (and I always attend with him), but I don't observe them noticing anything odd about him, other than losing his hearing, which his sister noticed. His sister and I actually get on quite well, so if this does continue, I am going to be talking to her confidentially by text to get her opinion.
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He sounds a bit bi-polar to me, if nothing else. And perhaps it's just taken this long for him to show his true self to you.
But whatever the reason, this should be a HUGE red flag for you, and one that you definitely shouldn't ignore.
One should not have to endure a lot in a healthy dating relationship, so it may be time to seriously rethink this relationship.
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ArtistDaughter Aug 24, 2024
Yes. My mom had dementia and my brother was bi-polar. He seems more bi-polar, even with the forgetting. It does seem really odd though that it is just now being noticed. And this is really difficult to be in a relationship with if he does not wish to acknowledge his behavior. He needs to be evaluated by his doctor. It could be a lot of things. You should tell him what you've noticed and if he won't follow up with getting an appointment, then you have a decision to make, to stay and deal with his moods or leave.
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If this man is moody, feeling off (? depressed) then he can take responsibility for his mood & health. Choose to investigate his issues. Or choose not to.

You also have choices.
To keep 'walking on eggshells' around his moods. Or not. Walk out of the room, do not engage if any put downs.

Find a calmer time to discuss things. See if in a quieter time he opens up?

Keep your friendships. Start finding hobbies without him. Keep looking for joy in your life. Whether you stick around or not is up to you.
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FaithWhit Aug 25, 2024
Yeah I've tried talking to him and he thinks I'm just neurotic for noticing it. Thing is, it's not so easy to "walk away" when you're stuck in a car that he is driving or when the only way for me to suddenly get out of the situation would be either one of us is stranded when we're out and about and no way to get home, depending on where we are. It depends. Either way, it's no fun and I'll end it soon if it doesn't change.
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I tend to agree. If it is early onset of dementia, run for your life.
Otherwise he sounds like his "dating behavior" has faded into who he really is.

I would get out now, before you invest more valuable time in a relationship you don't seem happy with.
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I don’t think it matters what is causing this …….end it . Run and don’t look back .
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