Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Do what feels comfortable for you! Dad asks me at least 5-6x daily where his 7 brothers are. I tell him the truth. He asks where mom (his wife) is. I tell him the truth.
My sister, who is here the bare minimal amount of time, will tell him the truth about his brothers having passed away; she has been telling him that mom "is at the store shopping & will be home in a hour or two," and he's accepted both answers. Hospice RNs have also told us that doing either is fine.
If she has short term memory losses I agree that either way is fine. My dad has been in my care for 4-1/2 years now (I am the 24/7 live-in caregiver) and accepts my truth as well as he accepts my sister's untruths.
I agree with kthln about telling the truth, and I accept the RN's assurance that her sister's approach is fine too.
When you say your mother insists on something that is incorrect, are we talking about statements of fact? As in, I don't know, "Finland is the capital of Norway" (to borrow my favourite line from 'Earth Girls Are Easy')?
As long as it is something that cannot possibly cause harm, such as her believing that kind of thing, then agree if you want a quiet life, or if you have time and don't want to connive at her memory's evil tricks, then gently lead her back to the correct version. The Socratic approach is ideal.
For heaven's sake don't argue for the sake of it, though!
Thank you for your answers. What I meant by the second part of the question is mainly about my mother's excessive worrying. For instance, if my wife, my sister, and I are sitting on our patio in the evening, she will demand that we come inside, and lock the door. She usually has the house locked up tight by 4pm, and she cannot relax if everyone is not inside for the night. If my sister does not immediately answer her e-mails, she will call my sister's grown children, getting them all upset, looking for my sister. Is there anyone else dealing with something similar?
This is called anxiety. Even young people can suffer from this and believe me when I say suffer. They have medications that can help smooth the rough edges and give her a little peace. Please talk to her doctor about this.
I see - what she is insisting on is not so much incorrect, as irrational.
But not to her. What she may be experiencing is a sense of nameless dread, terror that something appalling has either happened or is just about to, and she must ensure that everyone is accounted for and secure.
The poor lady is living a nightmare, and it is almost certainly a brain chemical disorder (possibly exacerbating existing personality traits), and GIMA's advice is very sound - your mother is exactly the sort of person for whom anti-anxiety meds are unambiguously a good idea.
Your next problem will likely be persuading her to see a doctor and persuading her to agree to the medication. My highly sceptical mother was eventually convinced by her medically qualified and much-loved granddaughter to try Citalopram to 'help balance your brain chemicals' was I think how she put it.
Sketching out for your mother a broad picture of how the principal hormones work and what their effect is can help her to understand that this is a physical problem, that nobody is accusing her of losing her mind, and that the drugs available are no more whacky or hocus-pocus than are antibiotics for infection. I do wish you success, please let us know how you get on.
CH What you describe is very common especially around 4:00 pm and will get worse with the end of daylight savings -my mom always wanted to hide in the house around that time of day so "they" couldn't find her
Even on seroquel my mom is convinced men in her memory care center are convicted felons - of course it doesn't help that they wander aimlessly around barefoot wearing only a diaper
I have never been a big believer in lying but staff at my mom's memory care center tell lies all the time so much so that I've asked them not to do so - I don't think telling her I'll be there in 15 mins helps when I may or may not be there for several more hours - a simple she's working late and will be here tonight is better IMHO
As all her siblings and friends are gone and my dad passed nearly 40 years ago why should I let her think they're alive but never visit - before the dementia became bad I would always tease when she said she missed her sister by replying well don't miss her too much you don't want to join her
They may not have any short term memory but boy when they get fixated on something they're like a dog with a bone and won't let go and their ability to stay on the same thread can outlast the patience of a saint - my go to response over any problem is you are safe and I have taken care of it for you and then give her a piece of candy
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My sister, who is here the bare minimal amount of time, will tell him the truth about his brothers having passed away; she has been telling him that mom "is at the store shopping & will be home in a hour or two," and he's accepted both answers. Hospice RNs have also told us that doing either is fine.
If she has short term memory losses I agree that either way is fine. My dad has been in my care for 4-1/2 years now (I am the 24/7 live-in caregiver) and accepts my truth as well as he accepts my sister's untruths.
When you say your mother insists on something that is incorrect, are we talking about statements of fact? As in, I don't know, "Finland is the capital of Norway" (to borrow my favourite line from 'Earth Girls Are Easy')?
As long as it is something that cannot possibly cause harm, such as her believing that kind of thing, then agree if you want a quiet life, or if you have time and don't want to connive at her memory's evil tricks, then gently lead her back to the correct version. The Socratic approach is ideal.
For heaven's sake don't argue for the sake of it, though!
But not to her. What she may be experiencing is a sense of nameless dread, terror that something appalling has either happened or is just about to, and she must ensure that everyone is accounted for and secure.
The poor lady is living a nightmare, and it is almost certainly a brain chemical disorder (possibly exacerbating existing personality traits), and GIMA's advice is very sound - your mother is exactly the sort of person for whom anti-anxiety meds are unambiguously a good idea.
Your next problem will likely be persuading her to see a doctor and persuading her to agree to the medication. My highly sceptical mother was eventually convinced by her medically qualified and much-loved granddaughter to try Citalopram to 'help balance your brain chemicals' was I think how she put it.
Sketching out for your mother a broad picture of how the principal hormones work and what their effect is can help her to understand that this is a physical problem, that nobody is accusing her of losing her mind, and that the drugs available are no more whacky or hocus-pocus than are antibiotics for infection. I do wish you success, please let us know how you get on.
What you describe is very common especially around 4:00 pm and will get worse with the end of daylight savings -my mom always wanted to hide in the house around that time of day so "they" couldn't find her
Even on seroquel my mom is convinced men in her memory care center are convicted felons - of course it doesn't help that they wander aimlessly around barefoot wearing only a diaper
I have never been a big believer in lying but staff at my mom's memory care center tell lies all the time so much so that I've asked them not to do so - I don't think telling her I'll be there in 15 mins helps when I may or may not be there for several more hours - a simple she's working late and will be here tonight is better IMHO
As all her siblings and friends are gone and my dad passed nearly 40 years ago why should I let her think they're alive but never visit - before the dementia became bad I would always tease when she said she missed her sister by replying well don't miss her too much you don't want to join her
They may not have any short term memory but boy when they get fixated on something they're like a dog with a bone and won't let go and their ability to stay on the same thread can outlast the patience of a saint - my go to response over any problem is you are safe and I have taken care of it for you and then give her a piece of candy