My parents are getting too old to be able to care for themselves. They live in a tiny home in a rural town with few services. They should be in assisted living, but can’t afford it. They have some money in the bank but my mother is secretive about their finances. My father has better cognitive abilities, but my mother controls everything. She is starting to show memory issues. What do we do when they can’t afford care? The house is too small for home care, not that they would be willing to pay for it. I’m too old myself and unable to provide the level of care they need. They have no long term care ins.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-do-you-do-when-your-parents-need-more-dare-than-you-can-provide-but-have-no-financial-resources-478389.htm
If you are not the PoA or legal guardian for your parents AND they aren't cooperative with any help AND you have no idea what their financial resources are... then you don't really have any power to help them or get them to help themselves.
Call social services for their county and report them as vulnerable elders. This will start the process.
You are correct in your surmise that while they may need more care either now or soon, few ALFs will take them due to their low income, and that they may be becoming rapidly more in need.
At this time I think you walk a narrow line here. You don't want to do so much that they are enabled in their poor decision making. But it may not yet be time for them to sell their last home and enter care; their small savings will be gone in seconds and they will be on Medicaid.
I would first decide for yourself what you can and can't/won't do. Get a clear picture of their needs and which of them you can help with. Decide whether you want POA for them or not.
Perhaps you can shop with them once a week. Get them to appointments. Visit once a week and call daily.
WHATEVER you decide you can/are willing to do, the next step is a "sit-down" with them to calmly explain that. To tell them that it will soon become more difficult for them to remain independent and you cannot pick up more than you describe.
I can't really think of more you can do. While they are competent these are their decisions to make. At the point they make bad decisions someone will be hospitalized or the home will need wellness check by APS and decisions for placement made. As you are looking at nursing home placement basically, I wouldn't jump the gun on that one. I also would not want them remaining where they have inadequate care and I felt forced to do more than I can.
Tough decisions ahead for the three of you and I am so sorry. I am wishing you luck.
They, and the local Area Agency on Aging might be able to offer some advise or services--cleaning help, repairs, heating/AC, food assistance . If nothing else, it gets your folks on their radar.
The thing to remember is that if either of your parents ends up in the hospital, you should confer with the social workers and discharge planners there. Make sure they understand that you are not the on site help and that your parents aren't safe living alone any longer.
Often, if the "healthier" parent is hospitalized, EmS will transport BOTH to the hospital because it's clear the other will not be safe living alone.