Follow
Share

Even though she really doesn't want to go?
Our brother is main caregiver to our 88 year old mother. He lives closest and is POV, even though our mom has all her facilities about her. He and his wife have taken over our mom's finances, caregiving and make all her decisions. They have decided to move from CA to TX and are telling our mom she must move with them because she has no other options. Can we do anything to prohibit this move? She really doesn't want to leave her home and has the funds to live the rest of her live there with live in help. She doesn't want to leave her life-time family home. Wouldn't it be extremely traumatic for such a move?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I have a feeling that your brother is doing what he thinks is best. Is your mother a wealthy woman? At 88 with mobility problems, she may need 24/7 help. In CA this can run into a lot of money. This was probably a major consideration when your brother decided she needed to move with them. Leaving the home can be traumatic for elders, but often it is the only thing that makes sense. Maybe a good thing to do would be to convince your mother that life can be good elsewhere, instead of clinging to a life that may not be working for her anymore. Another thing you can do, if she is unable to afford 24/7 care, is quit your job and move in with her in CA so she can stay in her house. (No, I am not serious about this, but I am pointing out what your brother may have been facing with his decision.)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Have you talked with your brother? It sounds as though you've gotten your mom's take on this (she doesn't want to leave, feels she has enough funds to pay in home care indefinitely). Find out what brother is thinking, and try to listen with an open mind.

If you are willing and mom is still truly competent, mom could make YOU poa. But i would make sure i had a full understanding of her needs and tesources before i did that.

Just as a rule of thumb, cnas from an agency run about 25. Per hour where i am. Full time care would thus translate into 18000 per month. Think about how much money dhe would need to sustain that vs how much she has.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If your mother has capacity, and you say she has, then the short answer to your headline question is "no." Your mother remains in charge of her own life and makes her own decisions about where she lives, with whom, and with what support.

Your brother cannot exercise his POA without her consent, and as long as she has capacity she is free to revoke the POA and either appoint someone else or even - I don't recommend any of this, btw - decline to appoint anyone.

So there it is. Next question: why does your mother not tell your brother that she does not wish to move to Texas? Answer: because although she doesn't want to move, she is even more reluctant to challenge him, would you guess? Well, now. That's up to her.

In your place, I would have a conversation with my brother and express concern that she is being coerced into making decisions she isn't happy with. But first of all, if you want to do that, you have to have a detailed, practical alternative suggestion to make. That means costing her care and support needs, finding out where exactly these are going to come from, and ensuring that your Plan B is as good or better than your brother's Plan A. And you have to do all of this without rubbing him up the wrong way - he's going to be irritated if he feels you're undermining, instead of assisting, him.

So it'll be tricky, but that doesn't mean impossible. You're right to act as your mother's advocate, but if your mother feels that strongly about it what's stopping her from speaking for herself? Best of luck with it, keep posting.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter