Follow
Share

I am his POA. Can I discharge him w/o issues (like them stopping me)? I feel like we haven’t really been given a choice in his rehab so I’m worried. My dad has lived an independent life. Prior to last week taking care of himself, driving, cooking etc. with only mild dementia symptoms. He fell down his steps, had a stroke and is unable to use his right hand/arm. Everyday his arm seems to get more feeling/movement but they are concerned with his dementia and living by himself. A lot of the things they seem to be concerned about have been happening when he is in a new place. He does also have confusion but we feel if we take away his car and make some modifications with his house he can still live by himself with daily checks and it be okay. In his environment he doesn’t forget direction/rooms etc. but in his current environment he is struggling. He also just wants to go home and I want him to have a quality of life as long as he can and being in a nursing home is not what he wants. I also think staying with me or another family member would also create more frustration & confusion because he isn’t familiar with his surroundings & staying with him permanently isn’t an option for me. I would rather him do in home therapy once we have his house modified but I’m worried someone will step in and say he’s not fit to go home and send him to an adult care center/rehab center.

There is a good chance due to his stroke that his cognitive status will not go back as well as you may be assuming it will , even being in familiar surroundings again . Some people have their parent living next door with cameras to check on them . But for Dad to live literally alone , does not sound safe especially if rehab is saying that . Rehab is going to discharge if they think the living arrangement is safe . A stroke is life changing , no matter how well he was doing before . You need to focus on what Dad NEEDS not what he wants or what you want for him . Your father is no longer independent .
He also can not drive with dementia .
Your choices seem to be Dad lives with someone or he moves to long term care facility .
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

I hate to say it, but you obviously are in denial about your dad and his condition, which isn't all that unusual with family members of a demented person.
Of course he shouldn't be living by himself anymore. That ship has now long sailed.
And since you say that you nor any other family member can take him in, then you should instead be focused on getting your dad placed in the best facility he can afford,
Sadly life doesn't always go the way we would like it to, but we all have the choice to make the very best out of what life does give us.
I wish you well in finding the right and best facility for your dad.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

You say D has “mild dementia symptoms”. Then that the rehab people “are concerned with his dementia”. You say “we feel if we take away his car and make some modifications with his house” he will be OK – which means that with dementia he has still been driving, and you have been OK with that (and the risks entailed for him and other road users). It also means that you haven’t made any mods to his house so far – and the houses of most elders with dementia need at least some mods. You think he will be OK alone “with daily checks”, while most people with dementia need more than that.

It sounds that the medicos feel that you aren’t taking the dementia and other health problems seriously enough. You are POA, but what do other family members think about this? Are you the one doing the caregiving (such as it is), and if not what are the views of the person who is most in touch with him throughout the day? It is quite common for a POA to be a trusted male who is not involved enough in the details of intimate personal care to see through 'showtiming' and realise quite how bad things have become.

To an outsider, it does seem that you may not be realistic about all this. Talk to some more of the people involved, without starting from the point of believing that they are wrong and you are right.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report

“We feel if we take away his car and make some modifications with his house he can still live by himself with daily checks and it be okay.”

No. This is what you WANT to happen, but he is not likely to be anywhere close to who he was and his abilities prior to this. And it is not likely ever will be again. He is no longer able to do what he did before. In some ways he is not the same dad you know anymore.

There’s so many everyday dangers in a home that we forget about. I have a friend whose MIL was in the same position. Family thought with daily checks she’d be fine. Until one day they checked in and she had put a pot of water on the stove, turned it on high, walked away, and forgot about it. Pot was boiled dry and there were several hand towels next to the burner. Had there been a fire, she might not have had the ability call 911 or get out of the house.

“I want him to have a quality of life as long as he can and being in a nursing home is not what he wants.” You need to reconsider what is SAFEST, not just what he wants. Living alone in his house doesn’t guarantee a good quality of life. He will still be struggling most of the time.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to LoopyLoo
Report

This fall and stroke have changed things for Dad. They are OK till they aren't. Strokes cause brain damage and Dad already has Dementia. Not saying he would not do better in familiar surroundings but is not an option now. The professionals are telling you he can not live on his own. By law, they cannot release him if its thought sending him home is an "unsafe" discharge. You will need to prove that there will be 24/7 care in his home or your home.
He either pays for aides to care for him in his home or he will go to Memory care or Long-term care. It all depends on his finances. Not sure if an Assisted Living would take him depends on how much care he needs.

Its no longer what Dad wants, its what Dad needs and as POA your job now is to make sure he is safe and cared for. Read your POA, if immediate there is no need for a doctors letter for financial. Usually for Medical there is. Some Financial POAs stipulate a doctor or doctors are needed to declare incompetence before the POA is invoked.

Your Dad losing his independence was inevitable. His Dementia would have worsened and he would have needed 24/7 care. Time to take away the keys and sell his car. If you bring him home, the car should not be there. Its also time for some white lies. You took it for a check up.

So, to answer your question, yes the Rehab center can have Dad placed in LTC if they feel that Dad will not be cared for 24/7.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

As a loving family member, you want the best chance for a full recovery, right?

Recovery sometimes is the wrong term. Recovery can conjur ideas of returning to *before*.

Stroke recover varies. Recovery can be more like *adjustment*. Through a crises stage & into the *new normal* level of health & functioning.

By all means, have HOPE & engage with rehab & set goals. But also be realistic.

"My dad has lived an independent life. Prior to last week taking care of himself, driving, cooking etc. with only mild dementia symptoms."

"He fell down his steps, had a stroke and is unable to use his right hand/arm".

Your Dad is now a stroke survivor.

Hopefully 1: he may make more gains in his mobility over the next months
Hopefully 2: any delerium could lift (often caused by fall, stroke, hospital/rehab environment, pain, new meds)
Realistic 1: delerium can stay for weeks or months
Realistic 2: dementia is progressive
Realistic 3: stroke recovery varies

Think carefully on WHY you want Dad to go home, alone.
What thconsequences would be?
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Beatty
Report

Do you mean to say that if dad can live alone and there is a fire in his home that he can safely get out?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to MACinCT
Report

Why on earth would you want to send a stroke victim with Alzheimer's back home to live alone????? I guess you don't understand how dementia works and why, if dad is not fit to go home, that he SHOULD go home! Or at least go home with 24/7 caregivers in spite of your inability to care for him. Why would you question the guidance you're getting from the rehab pros?

Please use your authority appropriately and make sure dad has full time care. Either at home or in managed care. Whether he "wants" it or not is irrelevant, he needs it.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

Rather than berate you for your sad introduction to senior issues, I sympathize with you for your denial to reality. All it takes is 1 fall..1 stroke..1 incident..and an elder life changes forever.
If you REALLY believe your dad can live alone or with you, then take him in and let us know when your mind changes.
Otherwise as others have written, you have a duty and responsibility as POA that can be very heavy on your heart...but you must do what is best for your father, regardless of your personal wishes and pain.
The coming days will be very hard. I hope you make the right decision- if you can't -then resign the POA ...IF you can get someone else legally assigned by your father, which may not be possible given his alzheimers and stroke conditions.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to ML4444
Report
Igloocar Aug 16, 2024
Only the OP's father can assign a different POA, and then only if he is judged competent to make the decision.
(0)
Report
Walmah123: As your father is a stroke victim suffering from Alzheimer's, he requires residence in a memory care facility no doubt.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter