Senior received costume jewelry from daughter.
Brother states that valuables cannot be worn by his mom because the facility states they do not want any valuables left on the senior.
Senior asked to wear them and she has been wearing them for 3 weeks now. No one at the facility has approached us about the jewelry; we see the senior 3-4 times a week.
”No one at the facility has approached us about the jewelry.”
NH will tell you no valuables because eventually they get lost or stolen. Same with clothes even if you do all the laundry for her. Other patients (and staff) will pick up anything not nailed down.
Even if you put your loved one's name on it in HUGE letters, their stuff will get lost in the laundry, it will end up in someone else's room, or it will just disappear.
If you and the facility are ok with that, then let her wear it.
I apologize about the length of the following but it may be helpful to the situation. My mom was a victim of several thefts in her first AL residence. About 20 residents had valuable jewelry, sentimental items etc stolen from their apartments. It was an inside job/employee, but there was never any recourse from the facility, which happened to be an upscale, large AL facility with locations throughout the state. (aka cruise ship on wheels) The only thing she was left with was a sour taste of the facility, it’s management and the loss of many precious memories of her jewelry. Despite having a safe in her apartment, she decided to hide things in drawers, her bad and unbeknownst to us. She got a measly check from her renters insurance, but that didn’t make up for the loss. Now in a smaller home, she again has asked for some jewelry which I am keeping safe for her. Again the policy is no valuables but she says she wants to look better than the others and is looking for compliments. While I am hesitant to give her these, I will again ask the home about the policy. I will likely give mom a copy of that and have her initial for me that she understands that if they are missing, this is on her and she is not to complain. It’s about making an otherwise grumpy, complaining and bitter woman happy and stop bugging me about it. Best wishes in your situation.
I wouldn't want her expensive stuff to be on the hands and necks of thieves either, but perhaps you could go get her some fake stuff to wear since she enjoys jewelry.
If they are saying it is not permitted, ask why.
I can think of a few things.
*They may be afraid that if the jewelry goes missing then "all of a sudden" it is a family heirloom.
*They may be afraid that it will create tension between other residents.
*If it is a pin, there is the possibility of a person getting stuck. This could be a problem for both staff and residents. (bleeding even from a pinprick can create all sorts of problems, people on blood thinners bleed a LOT...now you may have an additional "hazmat" situation)
*If this is a necklace they can create a potential for strangulation.
My impression is that for people outside of the "memory unit" the staff really tries to encourage pride in appearance. This undoubtedly varies from facility to facility (and probably also with the cost of the care.). There is only one person in my hubby's area, an old woman who always sits alone, and does NOT wear jewelry. I found out why no one sits with her: she complains non-stop. The place is cheating us, the food is awful, the staff are all ignorant crooks; (none of this is true); they may actively prevent her from having access to anything valuable. I'm sure there would be a daily call to the police otherwise. I smile and tell her it's lovely to see her every day, and we have become "friends" in that she actually smiles at me -- but there is no way I'd sit with her for lunch unless I had an overwhelming attack of Good Samaratinism which I'm sure I'd get over very quickly. The rest of the ladies wear costume jewelry and are friendly, even to a visitor like me.
Sorry to ramble. My real suggestion is to check the paperwork. They MUST address issues like this.
However, sounds vague if "brother" and "daughter" are even related to you. If the senior is simply a good friend and you are not the POA, you may be adding to tension for the family who will be the ones to have to deal with the admin if it becomes an issue.
On the other hand, I left with her several of her costume jewelry which she always wore something every day. I kept 3 of her favorite pieces hanging on Command hooks on her wall. Eventually she stopped wearing earings but the necklaces were part of her up till several months before her death
Now, in some cases, there may be other reasons why facilities don't want them to have jewelry - such as some types of necklaces - but I would think that would depend on the type of facility and I would think they would be pretty explicit in the rules up front if that was the case. And it would be explained along with reasoning for any other thing they might consider potentially harmful to residents - so I'm thinking more memory care where someone might be able to use the type of jewelry to harm other residents for example.
But under normal circumstances I wouldn't think your average costume jewelry would be an issue.
As long as its not expensive, who cares. There are probably few things she can enjoy now so let her have her jewelry.
Tell brother to mind his own business and leave his mother alone to enjoy one of the few pleasures she has left in life, for petesake.
Hee Hee.
I am for wearing the jewels, no matter where they end.
My goodness, who is this Brother? The Anti-Fun Police?
The ladies I see in AL, NH & MC wear as much costume bling as they like! As will I one day.
My brother in ALF had to sign certain forms to A) keep and give his own meds, B) keep certain items, and cash not more than __________ , and C) not be disturbed at night unless a problem was suspected by staff entering room.
This could well serve for costume jewelry as well.
Do recognize that some costume jewelry today IS INDEED very valuable on collector sites, and that this MAY go missing. But if this senior loves bling I don't know why this would not be allowed. Certainly some of the gals in my brother's facility were well turned out indeed!
Discuss this with administration at the facility. Their rules are what they are.