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I moved into my mom’s house and my brother showed up with my mom and forced me to take care of her. After a few months I dropped her off at his house in the same way, driving away while she stood by the door. Can I be arrested for this?

I wouldn't think so . Did you tell your brother you needed a Break ? Even still we all get to that Point where we do need a break .
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Reply to KNance72
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Instead of tossing mom around like a hot potato don't you think it's time to come up with a more permanent solution that works for all of you? If you can't work together find someone to act as a mediator - a religious leader, family elder or a court associated mediator
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Grandma1954 Jul 21, 2024
well this is just to gosh darned logical to make any sense 🤣
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Why are you living in your Mom's house and she's not?

How long has your brother been taking care of your Mom? Maybe he's burned out? This is a pretty common problem for caregivers.

How old is your Mom? What are her physical and cognitive issues that she needs 24/7 care?

Has anyone considered talking to a social worker for her county to see what other options may be available for her?

Does she have an assigned PoA? Or legal guardian? Who is managing her finances all this time? Caregiving is mostly about problem-solving. You both need to work together to solve your Mom's ongoing care needs. Or is it about inheriting the house?

I feel sorry for your Mom... if she has dementia or short-term memory loss I would not just drop her off without making sure someone was home to receive her inside.
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cover9339 Jul 21, 2024
Someone probably was, the brother or his family.
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Who's gonna come back and check the replies anyway?

Not sure dropping your mom off at each other's house can get you arrested.

Agree with cwillie. What's your mom saying all this time? doesn't she voice her opinions? Is she going along with both of you.

I know I wouldn't want a sons like the both of you, does either of you actually care about her really, or just a battle of egos.

I've been and still am going through this sibling rivalry. So know about responsibility, in my case I care about my mom enough to help, but still think the rest of siblings haven't done their part over the years. They are living out their lives for the last 20+ years as normal, while mine has been on hold. So usually there's one sibling that cares enough to help. In your case it sounds like neither of you want to help with your mom, so as cwillie said a mediator is needed.
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Reply to oldageisnotfun2
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This is wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin.

This is no way to treat a fellow human being, regardless of their relation to you.

You and your brother need to seriously grow up.

I surely hope for both of your sakes, neither of you have children that are being shown that this is an acceptable way to handle caregiving problems. Dumping off an elderly person like a bag of garbage at someone's front door. That's despicable.

And I truly hope this is a fake post.
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Reply to notgoodenough
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KNance-

When you need a break, you arrange for responsible caregiving. You don't pull a "dump and run" on someone's front porch!

If this poster had done this to a dog, people would be screaming "off with his head!".
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BurntCaregiver Jul 21, 2024
Good point, notgoodenough. If it was a dog people would be outraged.
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I am sorry for your mother that she has kids who could be so callous to think this sort of behavior is okay. Shame on both of you.
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BurntCaregiver Jul 21, 2024
Amen to that.
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Slumber the best thing for you to of done would of been for you to leave Mom's house, then call adult social services.

I think you and your brother should sell the house, put mom in a facility.
Some place where she is taken care of . I would do it ASAP, before authorities get involved, so it looks like someone is caring for your poor mom.

Yes I'm sure it's a lot taking care of mom for both of you, but this is wrong to do to her.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Mom’s house should be sold to pay for consistent care for her in assisted living.

Be a grown up and find your own place to live. You live in HER house and then you removed her from her house and left her
on a doorstep. I’m glad you aren’t my kid .

Sounds like your brother was burned out with caregiving and resentful that you were being a freeloader living in Mom’s house while your brother was the one helping Mom.

And your only concern with this is if you can be arrested . SMH
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Reply to waytomisery
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cover9339 Jul 21, 2024
Maybe that was a plan. OP move into mom's house so it has the appearance someone is there, until OP and brother could plan next steps.
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This is not unusual in some situations especially with family members who don't take proper measures to help their loved ones and act hastily.

Welcome to the AC forum. Please stick around and look through the list of resources that can help you. Get in contact with the Department of Aging and explain the situation. You must earn an income to keep yourself afloat if you are not retirement age. Tell them that you cannot take care of mom and that you must work to pay the bills! Can you move out and call APS and report a vulnerable adult?

I don't know the arrangements you made with your brother, but it doesn't seem to be working at this point. Your mother's safety is at risk when both of you pull this dumping act. This is abandonment and yes you can be held responsible leaving your mother on someone's doorstep not knowing they are home or not.

What did your mother ever do to you to treat her this way. If she has dementia, how would you feel if she wandered off somewhere and got hot by a car? What would either of your excuses be? You brother will probably lie on you to save his own a$$.
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BurntCaregiver Jul 21, 2024
@Scampie

Don't encourage this person who basically abandoned their own mother then took over her house.
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I agree with waytomisery: sell your Mom's house to pay for her care in a facility if neither of you is willing/able to care responsibly for her.
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Reply to Geaton777
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And the quicker you act here, the less trouble you could get into, because it shows the court, that you are trying
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Call a lawyer instead of asking a bunch of caregivers on a forum if you can be arrested! You're living in your mother's home now after dumping her off at your brothers house! My condolences to your mother for having 2 children playing hot potato with her, and one squatting in her home! 😑
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Reply to lealonnie1
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You should be ashamed of yourself. So should your brother. I think Lealonnie pretty much said it best in the comments.

Do you think you should just be allowed to drop your mother off on a doorstep like an abandoned puppy then squat in her house?

I hope you do get arrested and your brother too. The southern states tend to be stricter about elder abandonment than liberal blue states.

I think a little time in the lock-up is exactly what you and your brother both need to get your acts cleaned up.
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