My family has no money. We've spent it all on trying to get my mother help over the last year and a half. She has had every test done to rule out any neurological problems. 5 different therapists have told her that she can get better if she tried. But she has said many times she does not want to try.
There is nothing wrong with her except for depression, anxiety and a form of PTSD. She has tried MANY medications but fights them all. She has been Baker Acted 8 times within the last year.
She has become violent: hitting myself and my sisters to the point where neighbors call the cops. But she only stays in a Behavioral Hospital for 3 days and the social workers demand to have us pick her up. She does not care for herself anymore. She does not shower, she goes to the bathroom all over herself on the furniture, and she does not wash her clothes. She refuses to cook for herself and if you don't watch her take medicine, she stuffs it into chairs.
She screams around 40/50 times an hour. Every hour.
She refuses therapy and does not have Medicare/Medicaid because she does not qualify. I literally don't know what to do. I can't live the rest of my life being screamed at every single day and getting hit.
Whatever has caused this problem for your mom can not be solved by you and your siblings subjecting yourselves to her abuse.
Sometimes it takes a shock for people to see what they are doing. You don't provide any information about what has happened or if your mom is just mentally ill, not minimizing that. But that she is quite content to remain as she is doesn't mean that all of you have to remain.
Are there any minor children in the house? Maybe child protective services can help, it is a big deal to call them in, it will force changes, so I recommend that you look at all options before going that route. It may be the best way or you may find that the 5 of you can get a place and let mom fail on her own to get the treatment she needs but doesn't want.
Hugs! Life is full of challenges and you are facing the biggest challenge of all. I pray that you and your siblings find a way to protect yourselves that finally gets your mom meaningful, lasting help.
Next time she is hospitalized tell the social worker that she is not safe to come home and that you will not be picking her up because she has no one to care for her and it is unsafe. Don't let them bully you, no matter what they say, repeat that she can not come home, it is unsafe.
I haven't seen anything written by you in a while. The response you wrote was right on point I believe you put a lot of thought in to your response and believe you've helped a lot of people with your reply. Prayers of thanks going up for having you willing to share your thoughts with all of us. You've always been so kind to me.
Happy Thursday,
John
What does your father say about all of this?
"5 different therapists have told her that she can get better if she tried." REALLY? Should we tell the cancer patient to "just TRY to stop growing cancer cells and they'll GET BETTER"? AHHH!
It sounds like you could help your mother by calling Adult Protective Services and telling them you want no responsibility for her and let them step in and (likely) institutionalize your mother. Obviously, I don't know all details, but this is waay beyond your ability to help or make decisions for her. I would work with APS and find out how you don't have to be pulled into this really bad situation. Good luck!
There is an advantage to remaining the person(s) in charge - - and it is that when the state places someone in charge, that someone does not have to give you any information or consider your needs or ideas when it comes to the care of your mom - - which is to say that they can place her where they want - - and that may be a place difficult for you to visit - - and they don't have to discuss her healthcare or mental progress with you. In fact, they don't even have to tell you where she is.
If that fails, get out. Make your own life. Find a place to live and work at getting your career going. Mom needs help that you are not able to provide.
I agree, if she is Baker act again, ur Dad needs to tell them that they can't safely discharge her. She is a threat to the family and herself.
Your Dad really needs to step up to the plate. Its his wife and he needs to be assertive when it comes to these doctors.
Why doesn't Mom qualify for Medicaid? If its for placement in a facility, you income shouldn't count. Dad can become a community spouse. That means assets are split her split needing to be spent down.
Now what the locked-doors new facility will do is get her taking her meds in pudding and they will prolly start out with the strong stuff graduating to eventually what she needs to be calm and semi-rational. She will learn the regimen and for a while will rebel, and swear and exhibit hatred toward all loved ones. But eventually will get healthier until she dies. Good luck and God bless.
( My mother fought me because of dementia but eventually got more fuddy in her duddy and accepted her place and lesser lifestyle until she died this past Monday...I think a lot of the medicine had a lot to do with that, but also her age...)
so sorry for your loss.
Sounds cruel but file a complaint when she hits you guys and let the legal system take her...they will have to realize there needs to be some interference like Adult Protective Services and an evaluation. Not just a 3 day stay in the hospital.
Her violent behavior will be noted and looked at by the legal system and the court could start the ball rolling?
Just tossing it out there.
At some point she should be eligible for Medicaid if she has no insurance and no money.
Sounds awful.
Violence is nothing
Making any progress?
Please let us know.