Typically I work with elderly people but was called in to a case with a client who's regular caregiver couldn't be there and he had previously cycled through caregivers that he didn't like, so they asked me if I'd be willing to take the shift. Aside from location and time I didn't get much info but accepted regardless. If I'm going to work with a client for more than one shift, I selectively (name, health concerns, and tasks) read their care plan as to not make any preconceived notions about our interactions, since mine are often, very different from previous caregivers. This client was very different from my previous clients, only a few years off my own age, positive, very engaging. We instantly connected on a level that is uncommon for a caregiver client relationship. We talked about it and both agreed that we make really good friends, and enjoy each other's company and interactions. We are similar in a lot of aspects and we have fun. Over the few days I was with him we became rather good friends, and he expressed interest in maintaining a level of friendship after our professional interactions end. I would love to be friends with this infectiously positive person that I came to be pretty close with in the brief time we worked together. I know there are rules about stuff like that but don't exactly know what they are. My company, even in it's name, targets seniors. I understand the ideaology behind not having a friendship with seniors, as often unpredictable things happen and it's important to not get attached, but personally I don't see any problem with two adults who are similar in age and demographics can't both agree to be friends after care. I do acknowledge though that everything is red through Rose colored glassed.
Why does making friends as an adult have to be so complicated?
>.<
I was at a workshop this weekend where this was discussed. I worked in medical and counseling offices for 20 years, there is a moral and ethical line that is easy to cross. I met a great deal of people I would have loved to develop friendships with, but it would not have been appropriate.
Even my current ‘best friend’ I met through work, but it was not until my last day of work that I told her I would like to be friends.
Have you spoken with your supervisor at work about this? Have you spoken with your wife, his partner?
There is one thing that stands out as odd in your post. You state that he cycled through care givers, yet is ‘infectiously positive.’ Why the prior problems with caregivers?
Is there any possibility of him ditching his current caregiver in favour of you, so the two of you can hang out while you work?
I guess I am seeing lots of red flags, not rose coloured glasses.
If this friendship is meant to be it must be disclosed to your employer, his current caregiver, your spouse. You should refuse any further shifts with him and socialize outside of work hours.
This is/can be a difficult subject.
The CNA that took care of my Husband was a friend prior to his status on Hospice and we had lost contact for years so when she came to the door the first day I was blown away.
We discussed the situation, I did not mind. She informed her supervisor and she remained our CNA.
She is still a friend.
It can work.
If you are not their full time caregiver I would think that being friends would not be a problem. However....
Can you be friends and NOT get into the "caregiver role" when you are socializing with your "friend"
Can you deal with the situation as a "friend" as this person declines? Being a caregiver is difficult enough without entangling with personal emotions. (one of the reasons I am in awe of Hospice workers, they often have patients that live a long time how can they not be effected emotionally when a long time patient dies)
You mention in your profile you are seeing a counselor, this might be something that you want to bring up at your next appointment. Your job is difficult enough both physically and emotionally without making it more difficult.
But in the end it is your decision, I would go easy and see how it goes.
And you are right making new friends as an adult can be very difficult.
You might want to try something like Meetup.com
There are also family members who want to isolate their parents so they do not
get attached to anyone else. Either due to jealousy or again worrying about money problems from a selfish angle. All of this clearly does not apply to your intentions, but I give you these details so you might understand why family members might not be so welcoming. It is such a problem that some facilities and agencies have strict rules about off the clock contact.
Basically the old adage of a few rotten apples..... Not to discourage your desire
for friendship with your client. It sounds like it is mutual and a very lovely thing.
Please don't let what I've said deter you. Just understand why you might run into
some side eye. Good luck, I say be friends with him :)
Like you said, it really is hard to find someone you instantly click when you are an adult. Its even hard seeing those friends you had in hischool and college.
Does your agency frown on outside friendships? This man is probably lonely and limited when it comes to socialization. You are already married so he knows nothing can come of it. So I say, why not. What you do out of work hours is really none of the agencies business.
I friend at work married his nurse. Another friends brother met his wife, RN, while my friend was going under chemo so why can't you find a new friend.
I've seen a similar dynamic at the facility my father resides in. So many residents become all about their meals, TV and doctors appts. Lack of mobility compounds the issue. I wish I knew which way to advise you.
Perhaps one of the nearby churches might be helpful. Don't know what your energy levels are, but you could also volunteer with literacy project. or tutoring, etc You honestly could help a younger person and/or family as much as you are helped yourself. I think many younger people crave contact with their wise and still able elders. I see this dynamic with care givers and the residents. who retain their zeal for living . Good luck to you!!
As long as you continue to work for this company, and as long as your client continues to be a client of the company, I think you will have to consider a personal relationship with him as out of the question. Nothing to do with respective ages or how well you get on, it's about professional boundaries and that's that.
Of course, there's nothing to stop you changing your job; and presumably there's nothing to stop him switching to another provider, is there? But myself, I think I'd let time pass and see what happens. You never know.
Teachers marry students, doctors marry patients, lawyers marry clients. But not until AFTER they have clearly and unquestionably passed beyond being in a position of trust.
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