I have been able to visit my mom 3 times a week at the memory care facility my bro put my mom into about 6-7 months ago.In the beginning of Feb. he told me where she was and that I could begin seeing her. I used to have Medical POA but now my bro and sis have it over my mom. I visit her on Tues., Weds. and Saturdays. I take my mom out on almost every visit to just get her out and about from the facility. They have activities now and then at the facility but my mom really doesn't like to join in, really never has been that type of person. She likes to get out and go places or watch other people participating in activities. My bro called me this week and asked me if I'm taking my mom out every time I see her. I told him for most part yes. Not for more than an hour or two. Then I bring her back. He told me that "Judy" some administrator person told him that it was a bad idea for me to do that because she will get confused that the facility is her home. Especially when she gets worse. She has ALZ yet is physically mobile and lucid most of the times. Her speech is affected by not having the words to say things but I am pretty good at knowing what she's saying. She doesn't do it all the time with talking. Her short term memory on several things is still decent although there is decline. She has problems with her long term memory as well but is still fairly high functioning, yet there is decline. I'm the one that got my mom to go to the doc to get a diagnosis whereas my bro or sis did nothing to help out.
Am I looking at this in the wrong way????? Why would taking her out now, while she can enjoy it, make for her to not realize that the facility is her home when I bring her back each time? Why should she be cooped up in the facility and rarely go out? When she lived with me, we used to go out ALL the time. Almost every day. Does this not stimulate her mind/brain and physically keep her active? If I don't take her out we sit and talk at the facility. That works too but it isn't as much fun or as stimulating for her, and I guess for me as well. I just want my mom to be happy for as long as she can be. When I visit her, she's sitting on the porch. Sometimes waiting for me and other times, not knowing what time I'll be there, just looking at the trees, sky and birds. Am I looking at it wrong or does this administrator not understand mental stimulation as being important as I feel it is? My bro doesn't ask questions just wants to go along with what Judy says. I want to question it. My mom has told me more than once to not listen to my bro and we can go out if I chose to take her. When I visit, I am there 3-4 hours, sometimes a little more. She refuses to take a shower with any of the caregivers, so I give her the shower. She has no problem with her doing what I ask of her. I don't tell her to do anything, I ask her. What am I missing here?????
Blessings
Try to talk to Judy. Is she talking theoretically about what might happen if a resident is taken out, or specifically has she seen a negative reaction in your Mother? Because it really doesn't matter at all about some theory, what matters is your mother. Judy says this will be especially bad as she gets worse. If it is, stop it then. Treating her now the way she will need to be treated when the dementia gets worse makes no sense to me. Whatever small window of time you both have to savor her present level of awareness should be used to its fullest. That's my opinion.
As long as your outings do not make your mom's symptoms more difficult to manage you should continue to take her out if you choose to do so. Many studies show that cognitive decline is slower in people who stay active. POA allows your brother to make certain legal, financial, and perhaps medical decisions for your mom. It soes not allow him to dictate every aspect of her life and behavior.
As long as you and your mom enjoy these outings and as long as they do not interrupt her medical needs you should continue as you are.
keep on takin your mom out and about as long as she can and able to do so . as long as shes happy and knows who u are and rather be with you . then my gosh to hell with what others are crying about . geeze !
my dad dislike begin cooped up with bunch old people . it scares him ! he couldnt wait to get out of rehab and get back home . i couldnt wait either ! . i too took dad out , he loves wendys and loves to drive around jammin with pasty cline . hes all smiles ! i know ur mom is all smiles when shes with you . you ladies have a speical bond and dont let anybody take that away . tell ur brother to get over it ...
that just burns my ass ! those people at the nursing home just kills me ! i am the one that does the barking . they run and hide when they see me come in . one time i came to visit pa . he has been in the wheelchair for ho wlong ?? prob all mornin . he saw me he said oh linda plz put me to bed . so i started to wheel him to his room and one of the aid said uhhh what are u doing ? i said im going to put dad to bed , she said no no no he is not allowed to go to bed . my eyes got bigger and i growled , if my dad says he wants to go to bed then by god he s going to bed ! i will not tell my dad NO ! nobody tells my dad NO ! well it blew her away , off we go faa lala to his room and in his bed . ahhh he says , that wheelchair hurts his back !
yogibear - u just keep on doing what you mom wants and whatever makes her happy and yourself happy too . xoxo
And, yes, I do think my bro AND sis feel guilty for not taking my mom out. If it has to do with money, three miles away is a park where she LOVES to feed the ducks and birds!!!
I could understand if we were gone for days or even several hours. But it's only a couple of hours and I stay afterward for several (30-40 or more) minutes to get her back into being at her "House" before I leave. Are they next going to tell me that seeing her 3 times a week for 3-4 hours is wrong, too????? If gas comes down some I will squeeze in another day to visit her, too. I go 180 miles a week to visit her and I don't mind it at all.
My bro mentioned that he had regrets not knowing our mom better than he does. I told him to leave those regrets behind. You can't change the past and that what he has done with our mom within the recent months has been a good job. Though we, he and I and my sis, all got mad at each other, mainly because we were NOT communicating in a way each of us were able to understand, we have been able to look through all of that and see that our mom's comfort and happiness is what really matters. My bro regrets not knowing my mom the way I do. He told me the other day that he really hadn't thought about how, at an earlier age, I took care of my grandma, mom's mom, while I worked fulltime. For almost 2 years. My mom came over when I worked and as soon as I got home I took over. On my days off, I stayed home with my grandma, my mom had the two days off. Not time now or ever to have any of those regrets. Live life without them.
Yesterday when my mom and I went walking in a shopping mall, we were holding hands, we always do, she raised our arms and said, "Yeah, I'm with you." She had a great day as did I.
Without all of you giving me your support and encouragement, I probably wouldn't have talked to my bro about how important this issue is for our mom and me. I would have just done as he said. Thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart for helping me speak up for my mom and myself without causing a fuss or argument. We really handled it well, I believe. BLESSINGS!!!!!
I think you should keep taking your mother out. You know her better than Judy does and she's only been at that facility for a short period of time. Sounds like she just needs more time to get used to her new environment. My mom has been in assisted living since January. I take her out as often as I can and she also attends a senior daycare twice a week because there is no onsite activity and she does just fine. I know everybody's different, but I say stick with the outings. Sounds like your mom looks forward to them, so I wouldn't stop.
God bless!
As a daughter too, I must tell you that my Mom does not have to say a word, I know what she is feeling, as she knows how I am feeling.
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