I use to be a happy person...I walked everywhere, I hiked and biked when I could..I took the bus because I liked the people I spoke to...I was always laughing and smiling at work...I loved to just look at the sky during sunny days and smile...Not any more...I started taking care of my mother who has dementia...For three years I've been traped in a situation I hate...At first it was okay, but then the negative complaining, pickiness of food, don't want to do that, don't want to do this...everything is negative...I no longer am able to do the things I love...I dread going home after work...Sometimes I just want to cry...I'm tired all of the time...I started to jog during my lunch break, which has helped.. I'm sick and tired of people not understanding why this "sweet old lady" drives me nuts...More and more she has something nasty to say about the differences in people and I'm tired of having to apologize to people...Why can't she just see the positive things...She has always been negative, but now it is at new heights....The positive is that I've learned Infinite patience & I smile when I feel like crying...Hiding my emotions is now second nature...
We can get into some situations that make us unhappy because they chew at the core of us. My only advice would be to find a good way to get out of the situation or to find some way that it no longer chews at the core. I think we each have to look at what the best idea is for us, because each of us knows our situation best. For some people, it may mean finding a good facility for their loved one. For others, it may be finding meaningful social outlets. For others, it may just be setting good personal limits on what we will do.
Roberta, it sounds like you are a happy person in a sad situation. We're here for you to bounce thoughts and ideas off.
Reading the book about how to deal with a difficult older parent, helped me understand, a lot.
I had to convince my sister to let things fall where they may, with our difficult mother and thank goodness, it has worked out the best that it could. From a bath lady calling an ambulance, to good hospital care, to a good POA, to a nice rehab center. Of course, there is still some complaining, but not as much if we were making the decisions.
You're becoming resentful and starting to fight back. But before you do anything silly, I suggest teaming up with others to share the responsibility of caring for your Mom. That should free up pockets of time to re-discover the soul of wonderful human being whose smile brightened everyone else's day.