My inlaws live on an island 2.5 hrs. from my home. Ferry ride to visit. He is 85 she is 84. He has alzeimers and is fairly checked out. Local caregiver who runs adult daycare program called APS on my M-I-L claiming she is not capable of good enough care. APS came to the location of the daycare and questioned my M-I-L. Caregiver calls me and informs me she has called APS and that my M-I-L failed their cognitive test. Caregiver is pushing hard for my inlaws to be institutionalized. Caregiver requested I call APS and report also. I am not going to do this. My M-I-L is tired and worn down but loves her husband and is planning on keeping marital promises of keeping him at home for as long as possible. She has caregivers set up 5 days a week at the house and seems to be holding down the fort. My F-I-L is calm and chill and tired most of the time. He does respond to M-I-L and is still eating, walking and taking a shower. However, this caregiver is not giving up. She has inserted her opinions to other medical providers and tried to encourage them to call APS. Recently, F-I-L was admitted into hospital for failure to thrive and then on to skilled care for about a week. He is home now, but the home health nurse seems to be tied into the original caregiver who called APS. The new home health nurse is now coordinating care for OT, PT and speech therapy. She is pushing, has had my M-I-L sign electronic paperwork without leaving copies or emailing them and is asking questions that indicate she has been told false information by original caregiver - hmmmm. This is all very unsettling as my M-I-L is providing adequate care and love, food and protection, and is bringing in help. Should I be concerned by this over zealous caregiver who seems hell bent on getting my F-I-L institutionalized. The inlaws own 2 homes, have long term care ins. and a little savings. The problematic caregiver works at the nursing home on the Island. Does she have monetary reasons for her pushiness? I appreciate people who care enough to make sure that a fellow citizen is being cared for; however, she is not backing off. I have been working closely with a social worker who has approved of our current care plan for the inlaws. She is the discharge social worker from the skilled nursing home that he was recently discharged from. I have discussed this problematic caregiver with her because this same caregiver called the skilled the nursing facility that the social worker works at and suggested she call APS on my inlaws. After long discussions the social worker agreed with me that this caregiver really needs to mind her own business and that our family has it under control. However, this issue seems to be more layered each day as each person that comes to the house seems to have "heard the news" from this original caregiver....very frustrating. At first I thought my M-I-L was maybe paranoid, but now I realize she is correct. Maybe a restraining order and gag order is needed for this person? Maybe time to get an attorney. Your thoughts??
Your FIL was admitted to hospital for failure to thrive. Hospital! Failure to thrive!!! How bad does this situation have to get before you agree that someone should actually do something for this struggling elderly couple?
Nobody is disputing how much your MIL loves her husband or how good a wife she has been to him for so long. What is at issue is whether the poor lady can continue to flog herself along in a vain attempt to "hold down the fort," as you put it. The clue is in the word 'hospital', admission thereto, for failure to thrive.
Doesn't MIL deserve a rest? Isn't it time somebody looked after her? Instead of abusing the caregiver - who, after all, has absolutely nothing to gain for all her trouble - start working with the professional team, ideally to get your MIL and FIL placed together in a continuing care facility.
It may be that this caregiver is overstepping a little but i don't see how she would profit by getting your in laws placed in care.
Have you visited lately? How do things look to you? It may be they are at the tipping point of independence or facilty living.
I'm getting to the same place with my parents. They should be in assisted living but refuse to leave their home. I understand this but by being stubborn They are in danger of a serious crisis, fall, etc and will end up in facility care in any event, but in much worse shape than if they moved now.
Good luck to you. This is tough stuff to sort through.
I am glad she has found more help, I am just concerned about this other caregiver not moving on and inserting herself into this situation. Last communication I had with her 2 weeks ago - she said we would not hear from her again. But I guess that didn't mean that she would move along. I guess that meant she would continue to call on their care providers and request that they call APS - caregiver gone too far.
An issue that disturbs me is that they're living on an island, 2.5 miles from your home. How large an island is this? Is there a hospital on the island Emergency services? I'm assuming so as you didn't indicate that your FIL was hospitalized on the mainland.
I was going to respond on a different level until I read CM's and Windy's posts, and realized they had insight which I lacked. Perhaps it's b/c I had an encounter with a meddling therapist, and have through the process of finding private duty caregivers learned how some of these companies are linked or intertwined with others. That was my first thought - that the caregiver was in some way6 officially or unofficially affiliated with another caregiving institution or facility.
During one experience in which I saw these interconnected relationships, not only was a staff at an agency's home office in contact with a visiting physician service which they wanted us to use, one of the therapists was as well. That was completely outside of her jurisdiction, so it raised suspicions.
In another situation, a different company was pushing for us to get hospice; just so happened there was a hospice arm of that company, and a very aggressive, pushy and obnoxious person called either later that day or the next day intending to set up a meeting with me to get hospice on board.
(One of our doctors advised a few days later at an appointment that this therapist overstepped her bounds. Then another doctor said my father does NOT need hospice.) Those were clues that the aggressive therapist had an agenda that wasn't realistic in terms of Dad's needs.
I do think the APS pushing caregiver overstepped her bounds in contacting the social worker at the nursing facility.
Have your parents' treating physicians offered their opinions on this, specifically on moving to a facility?
The caregivers who come 5 days a week - how long do they stay each day, and what do they do? I assume these are private duty staff, but that the caregiver who's pushing for institutionalization is part of the home healthcare team? Or is she private duty as well?
BTW, when the pushy therapist's company called later for a progress update (several weeks after I had terminated their services), I raised the issue of the therapist/markteter pushing hospice. It wasn't even surprising how much the follow-up nurse "backpedaled" and covered for the pushy therapist. And she was still encouraging me to hire them again if the need arose. Fat chance of that!
And with that I concur that she's overstepping her bounds, and she may also be breaching HIPAA violations if she's also a health care professional. However, I believe that private duty caregivers are also bound by HIPAA - not sure about this but I think they are.
There's no financial incentive for this caregiver to have your in-laws institutionalized other than getting a group or people to rob your in-laws homes. I really don't understand why this caregiver keeps pushing to have your in-laws moved to a facility.
Your statement: Caregiver calls me and informs me she has called APS and that my M-I-L failed their cognitive test.
If APS really saw your MIL has cognitive issues, then they would've contacted you about your MIL...right?
There's something very odd with this caregiver...
Can you get another caregiver? Fire this one ASAP. If this caregiver is from an agency - then whatever she says publicly is a clear violation of HIPPA and the agency should address this immediately.
Assuming that you learned this information not only from her contacts with you but also with your other relatives, who don't have dementia, you may also have grounds for either slander or libel, depending on whether she "shared" any personal information verbally or in writing, and how much she advised others that you were not providing proper care.
I'd go after her legally and shut her up. Perhaps a threatening letter from an attorney would stop her and you wouldn't have to go any farther. But her employer definitely needs to know.
I agree that discussion with the family is important. The difficulty is that, with the best will in the world, you can't be there enough to know better than someone who is with your in-laws during their daily routines. In seeing a problem with her client and reporting it and following it up, the caregiver acted entirely correctly.
You opened this discussion, it looks as though you're closing it as well. Your insight as to what's going on, what should and shouldn't take place, and not jumping on the bandwagon against the caregiver, who's dealing with unreasonable resistance with zero support doing what they're hired to do I applaud. If God forbid something dreadful had happened to one of those elderly folks, this discussion would have focused on the caregiver not doing what some are claiming is going to far. Thank You.
To quote the OP "There have been several other things that have happened and been said - things that are simply untrue that have been told to their health care providers; things that are coming from this particular caregiver. Things she said to me on the first phone call that I didn't know and then found out thru investigation that were not true. These things she told also to my S-I-L - were not true. We were at the hospital visiting FIL and making future arrangements with the social worker and with our MIL -- and I had the opportunity to ask questions to the doctor, that were confirmed, that what this caregiver told us - was not true. "
This raises red flags for me. The caregiver is not a reliable reporter.
In fact one guy who owned a franchise bragged that he could train his caregivers in about 4 hours to handle a dysphagia patient on oxygen. I think not; first and last conversation with him.