I had to quit my job and move to another state to care for mom, my sister wont help at all. Can I legally collect from my sister?

Awww I am so sorry about your mum. I am just new on this forum as of 4 days ago. I don't think there is anything you can do about your sister stopping payment on those cheques. My suggestion is clean the house and sell it "as is". Once your mum's estate is settled you can wash your hands of your sister. Until then try really hard not to let her selfish, uncaring attitude get the best of you, because as long as you are letting her bother you .. she is in control. Don't use your energy up getting back at her. Look after yourself and your health, that is what is important now. :-)

sinkingfast, there isn't anything that you can legally do to make your sister share responsibility. It sounds like she washed her hands of things a while back. In the US, children are not legally required to take care of their parents. It is a choice that each child has to make for him/herself.

We hear a lot about how we will be rewarded for caregiving -- like good karma or something. But many caregivers wind up on the other side with no job, no money, and no retirement savings. The sad truth is that when we are caring for our parents, many people see us as mooching off of them. In fact, the parents can even see it that way themselves! If we were caring for someone else 24/7, we would get room and board and probably around $3K a month. But when we do it for parents, we usually get zip. Our clothes and skills get old -- we get old. Our siblings can enjoy the benefits of our staying with the parents. It means it is something they don't have to worry about. They tend not to appreciate that there are any sacrifices being made.

The healthiest thing we can do is take care of ourselves and don't worry about siblings and what they think. They certainly aren't worried about us. Why should we worry about them? I like Macada's advice. It makes sense to me. You are your own person again now.

sinkingfast .. I have a suggestion and you are probably going to think I am crazy .. but I'm not. I will tell you what I would do if I was in your situation. I would find a home for my mum's dog (or take it with me), I would take a few items that belonged to my mum (for sentimental reasons). take my own possessions, contact some of the friends in Colorado and ask if you can have a temporary place to stay and then I would walk away from my mum's home. You already said it wasn't worth much anyway. Why should you be burdened with the hassle of it when your sister has not helped in any aspect of this situation? Could you have a garage sale at your mum's and make enough money for food and gas to get back to Colorado, once you are there renew your cna licence and start a new life. Sometimes we just have to walk away.

I'm in the same situation as you. I quit my job and have 3 sisters that won't help with the care of our elderly mother. I've already promised myself that when everything is said and done....I will never see or speak to them again. It's the least I can do to even the score.....I'm going through hell with no help.

This is just a thought but .. does your mum own her own home? If so.. then perhaps you could talk to an attorney and see if you could collect 3+ years worth of wages out of the money from her home when she dies? I bet your sister will show her face then!

Roscoe, Im sorry that you are going thru this too I know how you feel!. That said I guess I should have worded my question better, fact of the matter is My mom passed away last month and I actually had been caring for her for 4 years. When My mom was about to die my sister sent 3 checks for my mom to use for anything she needed to make her more comfortable, the total of all 3 checks was I think 650 or 700 dollars, as things arose i called my sister and told her and she told me to deposit the checks in moms acct. Well about 2 weeks later is when my mom died. I was expecting to be able to use my moms last state check to pay the bills off and get the house ready to sell (which was left to my sister and I and is paid for) well my sister stopped payment on the three checks she had sent even though she knew they were already deposited and used for stuff for my mom. As a result of her doing this last month the bank suvtracted the amt of the three checks from last months state check, which overdrafted the acct causing overdraft charges, so now when the last state came on the 25th last month it went to covering the overdraft charges and the negative balance. So because my sister did this I was unable to go to the funeral (Mom was buried back in our state we grew up in) and now i cant even pay off the bills and fix up house to sell. I would have left it alo9ne if she hadnt done this, but now I wont to know what avenues might be available for me to pursue towards my sister. I too am done with my sister, she was a monster at the end and i cant forgive how she snuck out the back door one hour after my mom died and left me alone to handle everything. some of you might remember me from when she passed, many of you helped me thru the hard times, i was named ramblingman back then.. im pretty sure I recgonize both you tRoscoe and Macada, so again thank you for helping me back then and now!

Macada, your advice is sound and you are right I shouldnt let her have control over me, but its really scary having no money and no forseeable income. before i found out my sister had done that to the bank acct I knew it was going to be tight, but it was very possible, now all of a sudden I feel stuck and helpless. the electric bill is my biggest fear, i arranged to pay them for the 12th of this month, thinking I would have that money from bank (40 day wait after mom died for them to release it) I live in the desert and without power, well it would be miserable, not to mention my moms dog is 15 years old whom i inherited and he could not survive the heat i dont think. My sister even sent me the legal forms necesary all filled out to give to the bank to get the money out after 40 days knowing full well the acct was empty and it was just waste of time. pretty evil in my book. I live in a little pawdunk town with the highest unemploymen t rate in the country, ugh really feel like the other foot has dropped on me. My sister wants nothing to do with the house, she already tried to quitclaim it to just my name, but i guess the claim she wrote up was rejected and sent back to her in colorado. First the house needs to be put into our names before she can give her half tto me. not worth much anyways, manufactured home bought for 53,000 5 years ago, Im hoping to get 15 to 20 if im lucky. way less than just one years income from the job i left.. Ok I cant complain anymore, im depressing myself. =) thanks for the positive thoughts I appreciate it

Agree with Macada and so sorry this is happening to you but you are not alone. Many start out to do the right thing and then it turns into a nightmare because there is no help or support, but when it comes to splitting proceeds no one says "hey', you deserve greater share" --never seen it happen.

This is a lesson to others to contact an attorney early on if you intend to care for your loved one so that proper care responsibilities and compensation considerations are taken into account as early in process as possible.

I'm main caregiver for my mom. I don't caregiver in the sense of living and providing for my mom, but I'm the only one who has maintained any contact whatsoever for the last couple years. Estate is divided. I keep good receipts and record keeping for any days off, travel expenses, hotel, etc i encounter in trying to help mom. I plan on seeing this is deducted from proceeds.

It is sad you have sacrificed so much, hopefully you have peace from that. You have lost both your mom and sister so it's a lot of grief, I hope you seek counseling or at least support group to get thru these feelings.

JessieBelle, you sure have an upbeat attitude about things, which im not knocking it is a good thing. My sister had said in the past I was mooching off of my mom, which I thought was really funny because in actuality I spent all of my savings (which wasnt much like 18,000) over the past 4 years by being here and taking care of mom. You said US children arent responsible to take care of parents, but isnt the state im living in ( Nevada) a Filial state? I know it is an old law, but it is still a law all the same. I guess the question would be is it even at enforceable anymore. At this point I guess my best bet is to go to the recorders office and ask them what i can do, they arent allowed to give advice technically, but i live in a small town and last time I was in there the lady was all kinds of helpful and showed me how to do things and made suggestions "off the record". She was very kind and said she would be praying for me as I was leaving. I think if i really wanted to, I could file a civil suit against my sister but really i guess why bother, ive got a notarized quitclaim she tried to submit where she states in it that She wants me to have the house because I took care of my mom for the past year, so if nothing else at least she admitted to 1 year out of four I took care of our mom. My sister is too wrapped up in her own life to care what she does to others, and really at this point i dont care about her much anymore. She so lost out on not really being here for our mom, when we found out mom was dying my mom was so worried that she wouldnt live long enought until the date my sister said she was coming. I called my sister and told her she needs to come out now because mom is getting worse very fast. My sister said she couldnt come until she got moms doctor to fill out a form for work so she could get the leave, well my sister has been working at the same place for over 25 years and is upper mgmt. she could have walked out the doors that minute and her job would not be at risk one bit, what it was is she wanted to be able to be paid while she was out here, then she had to put it off a few more days because a flight was 300 more if she came now vs in 5 days. Well, heartbrakingly for my mom my sister didnt get here on time really and by the time she got here my mom was hardly even speaking anymore, no more than 3 word replies, when my sisters boyfriend showed up the next day my mom no longer spoke at all. My sister wouldnt even stay here at the house with mom but a few hours and stayed at my aunts house and went sight seeing to death valley instead of being with my mom.. It makes me mad she did that to my mom, my sister was always my moms favorite. One thing good though is my mom thanked me for taking such good care for her while she was still talking, she had told me she wanted me to have the house, but i didnt want my sisters feelings hurt so i got my mom to name my sister also on the quit claim.. geesh I always seem to shoot myself in the foot..haha hindsight 20/20 and all. Im going to make it thru this, I did sell some stuff to a "friend" but of course she paid me half up front and now its a struggle to even get ahold of her to ask for the rest.. Typical behaviour of people in this town. This town is the strangest place ive ever lived, first time in my life where i felt i needed to weigh my friends before they came in my door and again when they were leaving... Cant wait to go back home to a normal place where its ok to talk to a stranger in line at the grocery store.

Sinking fast.. I have a strong feeling that really good things are going to happen for you! I'm glad your mum thanked you for taking such good care of her, hold those words close to your heart. You are kind, thoughtful, caring and have a good sense of humour. You're going to make it my friend. Good Luck!