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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My heart goes out to you and your family as you struggle with this challenge. I wonder if your mom would enjoy looking at family photo albums. You could sit with her and talk to her about the people and places in the photos. Maybe she would like to watch a DVD of classic movies of her era. You might bring in a portable DVD player and watch them together. This is a socializing activity but does not require that she try to communicate with you. Music may be something you can share with her. What were the popular songs of her youth and early adulthood? Music from every era is available on the internet. What a treat for her to hear some of the memorable songs she has not heard in many years. Wonder if she would like to listen to books on CD's? Every library has hundreds available and perhaps you could listen to a chapter or two together as an activity.Taking her for a "walk" in her wheel chair and getting out doors is also an activity that you can share. Keep the "conversation" going by telling her the trivial moments in your day, " Mom, I went to work to day and guess what so-and-so said..." Although someone suggested that you reduce your visits to every other day, I have a dear friend who had a stroke and was in a rehab facility and he looked forward to my visits everyday. Even if it was just to sit and watch TV together for a short time. The visits don't have to be super long but this is a lonely and frightening time in your mom's life. Bring her a favorite food that she doesn't get at her facility. Hold her hand, brush her hair, massage her feet. A loving touch is so important to those in your mom's situation. You are her precious child and please know that just having you there with her is a comfort to her. Now, how do you cope with the stress and sadness of this situation? Eat well and get as much sleep as you can. Cry when you need to and allow yourself to feel pleasure and happiness even if this is a sad phase in your life. If you feel things are getting to hard, don't hesitate to see your physican for anti-depressants to help you stay level during this very difficult time. Hold yourself gently and know you make such a difference in her life! Best regards! Hugs! Sherrie
I am in the same situation. Mom had a stroke, cannot talk and walk. Visiting is so difficult with only 1 sided conversations and my trying to guess what she is trying to tell me. Ends up being frustrating for both of us. What I have been doing is taking my vitamins, going for walks and trying to keep my thoughts a positive. I stopped wishing for things the way the were and am learning to accept my mom the way she is. I tell myself I had no control over what happened to her, but I can try to bring some cheer into her life. I hold her hands, I pray with her, tell her what's happening in my world, encourage her, make her laugh. I also remind myself that is could be worse and there are others with far bigger problems in their life.
Hello my name is Bev. I use to work in several nursing homes. To deal with this problem we suggest that the children of the parent come every other day and only stay for short periods of time. Afterward , make a plan to go somewhere relaxing or exciting or shopping to get your mind off of your parent.You don't need to be there everyday and shorten your time spent with the parent. good luck.
My heart is broken and I am really choked up right now. You all have alot more strength and the warmest of hearts than you realize this is something to be proud of. I am saying this because there is a driving force that keeps you from throwing in the towel when times get tough, yet you all continue to take your time selflessly to "be there". Reading these posts on this subject is very sensative and emotional to me. I witnessed my Granfather as long as I can remember caring for my Grandma my entire youth.(MY MOM's parents) She suffered from anxiety due to Agoraphobia (fear of social situations, people and open spaces) she never left the house. Then in her elder years she had a stroke, I was a teenager. I know it killed Grandfather deep in side, yet he placed her in the most beautiful NH, which was far from him but close to my Mom(their only child) . My Mom who I really never thought would "be there for them", visited her daily, feed her, comforted her and my Grandfather lived far away but did what he thought was best for his wife, concerned for her health and comfort and trusted My Mom to "be there" as she was. Due to the selfless actions of my Grandfather and my Mother for Grandmas needs and comfort first... I now realize my own "emotions and fight" come from what I witnessed and learned from this,how they cared for each other and stayed together as a family. I believe the love you give now is heart breaking at this time but will be a peaceful feeling you carry forever and nothing is more rewarding than a pure soul. LOVE and PEACE ....PRICELESS
You might begin to write down the positive memories you've shared over the years. Include little incidentals which might have meant so much to either of you. Also, special things she did which have really helped you in life. Or special understandings you've offered her as insights to your own growth throughout the years. Journal them. Then read and orally expand on each thought as you are visiting with her.
Two things...
1) If there is a question of a stroke or something else which has lead or will lead to wondering if your Mom is able to listen or comprehend... don't worry about it. Begin to love her by speaking, anyway. Regardless of any lack of inter action, nurture her. In the end, kindness always prevails. Even with her current silence, as time goes along you may well be surprised to eventually know your words and especially your very heart were not only heard, but well received because they offered a degree of love she then needed most.
2) Make no mistake, in time, your journal will become of immense value to you well after your Mom passes. It'll also help rekindle other related positive or needful memories, as well.
I truly understand your feelings. My dad has been in a nursing home for almost three years now and his sister and brother joined him a year and half ago. I am pretty much their only visitor and sometimes I even dread going and then feel guilty about it. I pray before I go for God to lift my heart and give them as much joy as I can muster. I now look forward to going and just being with them and hugging them! It helps to bring pictures, letters, etc. to share with them. My dad doesn't talk much anymore, but I keep talking to him. I tell him about all the memories I have of doing things with him and how happy it made me. I smile and say hello to the other residents and their families and more times than not, I now walk out of the nursing home feeling better than when I went in :) Keep praying and one visit at a time. I now go only once or twice a week....I was going way too much and it wasn't doing any of us any good,.
I was in a similar situation and I was becoming depressed and had developed a suppressed anger. I got some counselling and was advised to only go every second say and to set yourself a time limit ( eg one hour). Whilst you are there make sure you know that you are doing this for YOU as well as your parent. After the visit make sure you have a nice positive thing to head to so you can clear your mind to reconnect with your own life and needs again. Remember your mum is being cared for, so you have to care for YOU. Carers forget about themselves and they must always put themselves first once their loved one is in a safe, and secure place.
goodMorning... walked in your shoes and understand how you feel.
One sided conversations, I know mom heard ours and your mom hears yours even though she cannot speak. Don't stop talking to her, someday she may speak again... yes the words are difficult to understand but she is trying. Don't interrupt and try to find the word for her. (I did that also, and only frustrated mom). Be patient.
Gently holding her hand ask her to squeeze your finger, someday she might.
Coming back from a stroke is a long hard road. takeCare
I just look at it as if it were reversed.....she'd be depressed too, but she'd do it for me. You can't really control your feelings, believe me I would if I could. It hurts to see my mom in the shape she's gotten in to phsically and mentally, I'm an only child so I visit her everyday.
When mom and I visit dad, (she also is in early stages of Alzheimer's,) we do not stay long. Just a short visit to see how dad is doing, give him some cheer, have a cup of tea and a cookie, and then leave. Mom and I go shopping if she is not to tired. Watching and listening to the two of them is relaxing and funny because neither one of them knows what the other is talking about. But I found that telling dad and mom stories about the family, listening to music from the past. (many of the care centers in Canada have a day of music, where the all go to the atrium) Watching these people who have lost there ability to talk, make sense or are just semi-comatose is amazing. There hands beat to the music, they try to sing along and are just happy. This seems to help both the patient and the care-giver. Please never give up visiting. They will not be around forever, enjoy the moment. The moment is what is important to you and them. Don't worry about what shape they are in or what the problem is, make sure you are with them in the moment even if it is only for a short period of time. You will never regret being there for them. Vickie, a junior senior in the thick of it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You are her precious child and please know that just having you there with her is a comfort to her.
Now, how do you cope with the stress and sadness of this situation? Eat well and get as much sleep as you can. Cry when you need to and allow yourself to feel pleasure and happiness even if this is a sad phase in your life. If you feel things are getting to hard, don't hesitate to see your physican for anti-depressants to help you stay level during this very difficult time. Hold yourself gently and know you make such a difference in her life!
Best regards!
Hugs!
Sherrie
Two things...
1) If there is a question of a stroke or something else which has lead or will lead to wondering if your Mom is able to listen or comprehend... don't worry about it. Begin to love her by speaking, anyway. Regardless of any lack of inter action, nurture her. In the end, kindness always prevails. Even with her current silence, as time goes along you may well be surprised to eventually know your words and especially your very heart were not only heard, but well received because they offered a degree of love she then needed most.
2) Make no mistake, in time, your journal will become of immense value to you well after your Mom passes. It'll also help rekindle other related positive or needful memories, as well.
Take heart and keep looking up...
V
Remember your mum is being cared for, so you have to care for YOU. Carers forget about themselves and they must always put themselves first once their loved one is in a safe, and secure place.
One sided conversations, I know mom heard ours and your mom hears yours even though she cannot speak. Don't stop talking to her, someday she may speak again... yes the words are difficult to understand but she is trying. Don't interrupt and try to find the word for her. (I did that also, and only frustrated mom). Be patient.
Gently holding her hand ask her to squeeze your finger, someday she might.
Coming back from a stroke is a long hard road. takeCare
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