I’m giving my father around the clock care. Can my step brother remove me from the house? The physicians and home health nurse seem to think I should have POA for his medical since I am completely hands on and staying on his sofa caring for him and his wheelchair bound wife.
It is a great pity that you and your stepbrother are not on better terms. But what I would like you to hold onto tightly is that *neither* of you is responsible for that. Neither of you made any of the decisions about how your family relationships developed.
And now here you are, both mature adults, with different but closely linked responsibilities for two elderly people who need a variety of care.
Would it be possible for you to contact your stepbrother, approaching him as you would any other normal adult person with whom you needed to agree practical arrangements?
If your stepbrother has financial POA for your father, it can only be because your father *gave* him this authority.
If your father is still mentally well enough, your father can end your stepbrother's POA and create a new POA appointing you. Technically, he can do that. I do not mean I think it is a good idea. I think it's a terrible idea.
In terms of your father's healthcare decisions, he can appoint as his proxy anybody he likes; but again he has to be mentally well enough to do that; and again I don't think you should touch it with a stick if you want my opinion.
But you can't do anything about POA. You can't change the existing one or create a new one. It has to be your father's decision, and the chances of his being able to carry this out seem to be vanishingly small.
Well. Just suppose you were able to step outside yourself and look at what has been done to you emotionally over the years, taking yourself as just one example, you might agree that your stepmother has a point.
What is happening to your real life while you are camping on furniture in your father's living room? Where is your home, where is your job, where are the people who love you?
You say that your father is weak and ill, but not that he has dementia or has lost competence. He cannot be forced to move out if he is still competent, but he has to make a firm decision. The step brother with a POA cannot over-ride what he decides. Your father can choose to go along with your step mother, or he can choose to go against her and her children, let her go to a facility and stay at his home with you helping him. From the past history, it sounds as though he will not stand up against her and her children. In that case there is nothing you can do.
It would be sensible (though difficult) to put the question to him squarely. ‘If stepmother goes into care, do you want to go with her or do you want to stay here with me?’ If he wants to stay with you, it might be a good idea to have an equally blunt meeting with your step brother, and if necessary get your own legal advice. It is very possible in these circumstances for things just to be done without much consultation, making it very difficult for an old man to oppose.
You have my sympathy. It is a difficult end to a relationship that has already given you a lot of grief.