Last year, after my father died, I moved my mother in with me. She's 71 and physically very healthy but is a paranoid schizophrenic-- everything is always negative, people are always out to get you, etc. I'm an only child and work full-time as a middle school teacher. Between caring for mom at nights and on the weekends and caring for my 100 students during the day, I feel like I'm about to snap.
This morning, I woke up to my mother complaining about how she's not happy and everyone here is mean to her (because she gets strange looks when she wears mismatched clothes and an old wig atop her head like a hat), etc. And of course, as she sees it, she moved here to help me because otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford a house. Truth? She can't live alone because of her mental illness and emotional immaturity. But she can't see things rationally. In her mind, she moved here to be with me not for me to take care of her.
My entire life revolves around her whims. She won't go anywhere on her own, sits at home all day and then wants me to entertain her at night. After 18 years of living on my own, I now have no time to myself. My health (mentally & physically) is starting to suffer and I see no end in sight. HELP!!! At least tell me I'm not alone, please...
I moved across the street from my mom a few years ago (she actually owns this house) to help care for her after my brother died who was living with her. My dad actually built this house for me to live in one day before I finished high school but I wanted my independence so I moved a few miles away. I still have my own house there but she makes it sound like I have nothing and am mooching off her. She even tells me that's her house too. I know the deal but sometimes I wonder if others believe all this that don't know the facts.
Once you have that, maybe you can get them to help you approach options with her and get her moved to appropriate care or get her to comply with getting aid/supervised care for some hrs day and/or night to give you a break at least. Make sure you tell her if she doesn't comply with the supervised in-home care (if thats what it takes) she will have to move to a facility to handle her needs.
Other option, is to just start visiting places, getting referrals and tell her you can no longer meet her needs and this is best option; then move her.
This will only worsen and her level of care will increase; you likely will not have skillset nor time to meet those needs. Don't feel guilty, don't beat yourself up (been there, done that) and it doesn't solve anything and certainly isn't in their best interest.
Believe me, I"m still fighting this and it isn't over for me. Wish I had gone with earlier instincts and moved my mom in to care facility. I am not full time caregiver, but managing skilled care long distance is maddening and impossible.