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My father-in-law just started 24x7 home care through an agency for his 92-y.o wife who has advanced Alzheimer's. He is 91 and is completely mentally competent.


Different aides have come throughout this first week. He estimates 10 or so different ones.


He keeps cash in a desk in the living room and yesterday he reimbursed me for groceries I brought to him. I observed him open the top drawer of the desk, take out a bank cash envelope take out 2 twenties from the envelope and then place it back into the desk. On many other occasions he has done the exact same thing: go to desk -> get envelope -> pay me for groceries.


Today, he needed to pay his daughter (my sister-in-law) for something and went to get money from the envelope in the desk and the envelope was no longer there.


I'm pretty sure he has not misplaced the envelope, as he doesn't live in a cluttered house.


Our thinking right now is that one of the aides, probably the overnight one, took the money. He's called the agency to report the matter.


He estimates he had $300-$400 in the envelope. Should the police also be called to report the theft?

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Before we realized that my in-laws were both having memory problems, my MIL told me her purse was stolen. A few weeks later she told me her husband had $1500 pick-pocketed from his pants at the grocery store. Later when the family began to manage their finances we could never find evidence that the FIL had ever had $1500 in cash to lose (which btw he didn't report). MIL had then shown up to our house with the alleged stolen purse and then denied she ever said that to me. My point being, your FIL may "seem" like he has no cognitive problems, but it is totally possible he moved the money bag and forgot where he put it and forgot that he was the one who moved it.

I recommend someone take FIL out for the day and then the financial PoA goes through his house with a fine tooth comb and secures all his sensitive valuables, paperwork, etc. I did this with my inlaws. I found at least 2 dozen boxes of blank checks squirreled away throughout the house. They'd stash them, then forget where and forget they ever had any and then reorder more. Their checkbook register was a disaster. This was one of the clues that they were no longer as "sharp" as they appeared to be. We knew strangers from agencies and cleaning services would be coming and going from their home, so we made sure anything "tempting" was no accessible. Before you accuse the agency or their employees, make extremely sure he had the bag in there and it had that much money in it. Elders with decline often blame others for theft that didn't occur. They don't remember they were the ones that moved the items and they'll get very upset if you insinuate it wasn't stolen. Just a heads up.
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Doug4321 Sep 2020
Geaton777, see my reply to worriedinCali. A lot of what you say makes sense about going through the house to see what needs to be secured now that all of these caregivers are coming in. Who knows what they do when he is asleep.

In this particular case I think I trust my FIL's reporting about what happened because of how simple this is. I.e. the money has stayed in this location and he goes there to get it to pay family who bring him groceries and medicines.
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If there's that many people coming in and out, you'll never know who ripped your parents off or even if it was one of the aides. I've been in homecare for a long time. The first thing I always tell a new client or their family is to do a sweep of the house before I take the job. Lock up valuables like jewelry, cash, and credit cards. Not because I'll rip someone off. I've never stolen from any client or accepted gifts that were inappropriate. I do this so that if someone can't find their ring, their cash envelope, their credit card, or anything else the suspicion does not fall on me. Do a sweep of your parents house this way. If your father is still mentally competent as you say, then he will understand why it's important to do this.
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Doug4321 Sep 2020
I like the idea of a sweep. I'll talk to my wife about it today and we'll go over to his house and do it.
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After reporting the missing money to the agency, take all lose money & checks & put them in a relatively heavy locked safe in a place where no aide should venture. Then install a camera focused on that part of the room. The safe needs to be checked everyday & if tampered with then there will be evidence of who was near it. If this is not possible, is he able to keep the cash near or on him while aides are in the house? Is he able to write family checks so not so much cash is kept in the house? Keep checks in a hidden place where aides shouldn't be.
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Doug4321 Sep 2020
I'm going to go to his house and do a sweep. I think I've seen some safes at Costco and will check them out today and ask my FIL what he thinks of the idea. It does sound like a good idea and would bring him peace of mind. Thanks for the suggestion.
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It is a substantial amount of money. Yet, I believe with this many people coming in, as many as 12, it is certainly NOT a safe thing to leave money anywhere in the house that is not secured. And there is no proof even of time taken, to narrow down a "search". It is a tough lesson but you have no proof and 11 suspects.
It is good it was reported to Agency. If you can provide them with a timeline of what days they can narrow the suspects for themselves for their own future accusations. What was the outcome with the agency? Do they vet people completely in so far as criminal records? Are people bonded? What did they recommend?
When my brother first moved to Assisted Living he was told that money cannot, must not be left in the room other than in a secured safe which they would bolt to the floor of a closet. Yet he chose to do so, tucking some money in a white envelope, several 100.00 bills, into several books he always used for the purpose stacked in the closet. Within several months he told me he had been robbed and he thought he knew who did it. I found it difficult to believe, but simply responded he must report it and we must see to it he didn't leave money in the room again as we had been warned not to. Months later he found it in some white towels below the books, in a white envelope. Said he didn't know how it could have happened. Was he interrupted when putting away or whatever. Was terrified to report it found, thinking it would be a black mark against him and be headed to memory care. While he was very "with it" I did notice his move into ALF brought on a paranoia about feeling open to being preyed upon. I am not suggesting that the confusion of many caregivers suddenly coming and going might have caused a temporary forgetfulness or distraction, because you describe him as VERY with it, and using same drawer always, but I can tell you this. I am 78 and have got to the point where I will move things for safety (recently put all electronics cords in their own baggies marked as to what they are for, kindle chargers, jitterbug charger, etc. Then put these in a tourist pottery pot in my room. In a week had forgot WHERE I put them) then forget where I moved them. Could remember doing the task, but not where I put the little charger cords. Yup, the mind is changing. Scary stuff.
I think it likely he was stolen from. Desperate people, desperate times, and just too much coming and going. Yet there is no proof. And we ALL know where it goes when an older person comes in with this story. My tendency would be to take it as one tough lesson. Get the small fire safe on Amazon and bolt it into the closet floor. Key around the neck and on you go. So sorry this happened. Makes him feel used, abused, unsafe, when the idea was to have help.
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There's a good article about this situation on this forum: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-report-home-caregiver-theft-154019.htm
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@Geaton777,

You wrote: "It would be very upsetting and extremely unfair to be accused of theft with no proof other than the money bag was here one day and not the next."

There is no other evidence. That's what happened: the envelope with the money disappeared. The only other family member in the house is the semi-bedridden MIL who doesn't appear to go much of anywhere in the house.

About what you said about someone who seems trustworthy but isn't. Hear that loud and clear. You just don't know. You have to secure everything with non-family coming into the house.
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While you are doing a sweep, I would gather up any important papers that you may need in the future. Like birth certificates, marriage certicate, Wills, Mortgage paid off, any military records, POAs if u don't have copies, car titles, etc. If Dad is a Vet serving during wartime and needs help with Mom, there is Aid and Attendance. He can also take advantage of certain benefits.
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I would not accuse anyone unless you are absolutely sure. My mother on occasion thinks someone stole her purse, it is usually in her dresser drawer.
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What happened: my FIL notified the agency of the $300+ theft and the owners immediately wanted him to file a police report, which he didn't want to do. I think he was afraid of not being taken seriously. The person on duty the night of the theft is no longer working in the house.
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AlvaDeer Sep 2020
Thank you for the update Doug. I wish Dad had taken their advice. There may have been other reports, and if that is the case there could have been action. I think were I going in (I am 78) I would express my hesitancy, but as you described it it was pretty clear.
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I'm wondering if the owners wanted a police report filed so that they would have some legal cover for terminating the employee if that's what they wanted to do. This must be a *huge* headache for the agency -- i.e. not knowing who they can trust.
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AlvaDeer Sep 2020
In most states now, employers have a right to fire anyone at any time. In fact they are better never to give a reason. Giving a reason such as "We have reason to believe you may have taken money from an elder as the money disappeared on your shift" is tantamont to an accusation and the employee could then go to court. There are certain things such as race, creed, color, gender you are protected and you cannot fire because of them. And you are better to say NOTHING, as an employer but "We cannot use your services anymore and are giving you notice of termination". But I do think that if they have other indications, other accusations, it would make it clear in their own minds. Not sure. It is hard for agencies to vet, but they can vet history of felony and so on. Preying upon elders is not uncommon, and it is terribly terribly sad. When my brother thought his money was taken, and was so upset, I just told him that he could not leave money out in that manner because one cannot know the desperation another lives with; it is wrong to leave the temptation in their faces. We had been told never to leave the money without the locked and bolted safe. It is hard.
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