How do you deal with the children trying to threaten abuse charges even when no abuse is going on and they have had full access to home and father all along? I have tried being as open as possible but it is just getting uglier and uglier as far as the implications of abuse and neglect. They also imply that their dad does not get enough time out socializing without me. He has impaired vision and does not drive so I am his primary transportation. I do at times drop him off or wait in the car so that he can visit freely.
Any suggestions?
My last marriage was poisoned by a daughter who wanted her father to herself. I ended up letting them have each other. It was ugly.
If the dad lets his kids rule --- they will! Take back your life! Set some boundaries.
You say the kids are trying to threaten abuse charges. I think I would tell them to go ahead and put their money where their mouth is or stop it. I would detach from these veiled threats and implications. This sounds to me like anger at the situation/divorce and nothing really to do with you personally. Is the ex in the picture at all? They are bullying you and if they sense that they are upsetting you they will continue. It sounds like you are doing what you should with regard to your husband's care. What is his take on this? I agree if dad lets his kids rule they will try to, but I think you can establish some boundaries. Therapy can hep you with that, Good luck and let us know how it works out.
I'm thinking of how you can protect yourself in case they try to do more than threaten. Can you make sure that the professionals in your husband's life will support you?
Maybe talk to his doctor to get a list of the care and treatments he should receive, and a report of what you are doing to make sure his needs are met. Do you have a pastor, lawyer, or some of his friends who can visit and see for themselves how he is feeling? Maybe find a social worker through the doctor or Visiting Nurse or the hospital who can do an assessment.
Is your husband a little depressed, and putting on a good face in front of you? Men are often afraid to disappoint their wives by showing weakness. He may have said something minor that the kids are making a mountain out of. Has he ever seen a psychiatrist or therapist or social worker? Getting a professional assessment of his mood gives you one more form of support, and maybe he would feel even better with an antidepressant.
I have suggested a bunch of things to do. If you do even one or two, you will be more protected against bogus charges.
Do the kids feel guilty that you are doing it all and they aren't helping? Or are they just unhappy, sad, and angry to see their Daddy in a decline? Maybe they have a fantasy that he SHOULD still be healthy and sharp. In their fantasy, it is somehow your fault. I don't know them, but it might work to talk to the sad child with sympathy, and disregard the critical adult.
"Don;t you hate to see him this weak? I wish we could turn back time, so he could be healthy again."
"That's a good suggestion. How do you think we can arrange for him to get out by himself more? I'm sure he gets bored with my face day in and day out."
It's not easy to listen to criticism when you work so hard and try to take care of EVERYTHING. You know you're trying your best, so let them have their say, and then acknowledge them by saying you know how much they love their father. God bless you.