I have many siblings. The oldest child is the POA for my mom. Everyone does not agree on her care and it is so frustrating. The POA makes the final decisions and she does ask for opinions but not of everyone. She will ask the siblings who are proactive; those who help, call and visit my mother. She does not call the others. We are not all close and often argue. The number of telephone calls that end up in arguments and shouting make me ill. Sometimes one person will accuse the POA of telling one or two persons but not the others (as though she's keeping secrets). I have asked the POA sister to email everyone regarding my mom and that way everyone has the same information and if you want to ask a question it can easily be replied to. Everyone has a chance to express their opinion without the shouting, etc. Is this a good idea?
Thank you for your opinion.
If they can't find time for their Mother obviously they don't care about her so I don't feel obligated to contact them..
The ones that aren't available have mostly to do with living out of town although I try to call them to give updates but that is not a priority. Two are not very much help and that's okay with me. I've found the six to be too much as then there are tooooooo many opinions! The POA, I don't envy her at all; she's trying really hard and believes democracy is best. Maybe she should quit trying to be fair and hear all opinions?
I suggested the emails just be factual on mom's condition and care/decisions; and then the all-out "this is what I think" emails can take off-- they can yell all they want. My main goal is that all the information is there-- read it or not and there's no chance of "I didn't say that" which happens too much. The POA is retired and has much more available time to be with and do for mom. One other is retired but really not easy to be with (hateful with everyone) and the last four of us work. How can six people be so different??? Ugh!!
Thanks for your advice and experiences.
Your POA sibling could set up a private group on Facebook or a caringbridge account, so they type once what's happening and everyone can see it and respond to it. And if it were me, I'd only listen to the ones who show an active interest in Mom and help with her care. But ultimately it's the POA who makes the decision and that's the way your mom set it up.