My elderly father (95) lives alone in a very nice condo in a beautiful senior living community. This is a continuous care community where, if he needed to, he could move into skilled nursing and not pay any additional fees. I am his power of attorney for both financial and healthcare concerns. He gets along quite well and gets daily visits from either myself or another of my siblings.
I am concerned because I have a sibling who might start trying to get my dad to move out of this community and in with them. This would be a terrible thing. This sibling has a classic case of narcissistic personality disorder. She did not speak with my father for ten years and only recently came back on the scene when she needed more “fuel” hopefully you are familiar with these NPD terms. She is now trying to control his every move, only to feed her own inflated sense of self-importance. My dad is still quite independent but she is toxically (and I hardly ever use this word) controlling and being his puppetmaster would satisfy her immensely. She does not communicate with the rest of the family (I try all the time but we are dead to her) and has a long history of alienating people which is another NPD trait. We have relatives from coast to coast and there are only two people she still speaks to - they are also on the list of fuel. I fear my dad would basically be an isolated prisoner in their 650 square ft (not exaggerating) semi-hoarder home.
People with NPD can display an intense need to feel special, and anyone who does not feed that need is typically discarded. They DO need to keep enough people in their life as “fuel” but this is like a revolving door. Different people can fill this need at different times. Dad is just filling the need presently, after being on the outs for a decade.
She was POA until she blacked him out and he changed it to me. Now she is dead last (6th) on that succession list. My dad is the most pleasant person I know and I am deathly afraid he might just succumb to her demands.
Here is my question - do I / would I have any legal recourse to stop this from happening if the wheels got put in motion? My dad still has capacity but he is definitely getting easier to manipulate for anyone trying to do so. Not only would he lose the financial security of guaranteed life care, this person could easily decide to discard them either emotionally or physically, and then what? I’d love to be able to put my mind to rest! Does anyone have any insight to share?
This will give you, as the DPOA, the ability to stop her in her tracks. Keep the recording and an original notarized copy with his other important information. I think that I would also provide a copy to the management for his file.
Make sure that all of the siblings that put dads wellbeing 1st, have heard the recordings and seen the paperwork, just to ensure that you all are on the same page and fully understand what dad desires should he be browbeaten. DO NOT share this information with the narc or anyone that would share it.
Best of luck protecting your dad as/if his cognitive abilities diminish.
I love that he can go directly into continuous care when needed.
I do not know the answers to your questions but others on the forum will be able to offer help.
Have you spoken to your dad about your concerns? Is he happy where he is? Does he currently see your sister? Does he know how small her apartment is? Does he realize how self centered and mentally unstable she is?
Best wishes to you and your family.