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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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My 93-year-old mother was an artist in her time. She has this idea that she took a portfolio of work in a cab to a friend's house. This is not true. She can't stop obsessing about it, and I don't know what to say.
It sounds like a loop in her mind that she keeps returning to. Perhaps at one time it was a fear of hers that she would lose her portfolio and all her work. Or it may have happened to someone else or she may have seen it in a movie or read it in a book. Regardless, it is real to her. Just tell her you will call when the cab company is open and then change the subject. Or you can say the dispatcher has to wait for all the drivers to get back in and then they will call you. Just say whatever calms her and then change the subject. Do not try to convince her that she is wrong, just assure her you are on the job but for now let’s watch the favorite show or have lunch or whatever you can distract her with. You must not let it upset you. After awhile she will forget about the portfolio and come up with something else. You can say the same thing each time as she will not remember. I’m sorry she has dementia and is confused. Try watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to see if you pick up some ideas on how to help your mom.
About the toilet, I purchased my DH aunt one of the toilets that claim to be able to flush a bucket of golf balls. It solved the problem for her. Too much TP is another one of those common issues your mom will hopefully get through after awhile.
Is she able/interested/willing to use any kind of materials to do new work? She may be craving her prior artistic experiences, without being able to verbalize her feelings precisely.
After she recovered from her second COVID attack, we discovered that my LO was enjoying adult coloring books, and for a while she was peaceful with them using large crayons.
ANY materials that she might be able to use would be worth a try.
Maybe start by asking her what she’d like to use to replace the “missing” portfolio?
ALSO- if you happen to be near a college with a good sized fine arts program, look into geriatric art therapy. You may be able to hire a compassionate student who would enjoy working with her.
"I live with my 93-year-old mother. She is getting confused and putting a ton of toilet paper in the toilet. Last week we had $6000 worth of damage and tonight the toilets clogged again. She was an artist and has this fixed idea that she took a portfolio of her work in a cab to a friend's house and it is lost. She wants me to call all these cab companies."
Your profile doesn't say she has a diagnosis of dementia, yet this is what it can look like.
Are you the PoA for your Mom? If so, I would read the document to see what activates your authority to make decisions in her own best interests.
Then I would get her in for a full physical to discount any other heath issues that can mimic dementia -- a UTI in particular, which is treatable with antibiotics. Once there they can also perform a cognitive and memory test.
In the meantime here are some rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid burnout.
I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you sort through next steps with your Mom.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What have you said to her so far?
Just tell her you will call when the cab company is open and then change the subject. Or you can say the dispatcher has to wait for all the drivers to get back in and then they will call you. Just say whatever calms her and then change the subject.
Do not try to convince her that she is wrong, just assure her you are on the job but for now let’s watch the favorite show or have lunch or whatever you can distract her with. You must not let it upset you. After awhile she will forget about the portfolio and come up with something else.
You can say the same thing each time as she will not remember.
I’m sorry she has dementia and is confused. Try watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to see if you pick up some ideas on how to help your mom.
About the toilet, I purchased my DH aunt one of the toilets that claim to be able to flush a bucket of golf balls. It solved the problem for her. Too much TP is another one of those common issues your mom will hopefully get through after awhile.
Is she able/interested/willing to use any kind of materials to do new work? She may be craving her prior artistic experiences, without being able to verbalize her feelings precisely.
After she recovered from her second COVID attack, we discovered that my LO was enjoying adult coloring books, and for a while she was peaceful with them using large crayons.
ANY materials that she might be able to use would be worth a try.
Maybe start by asking her what she’d like to use to replace the “missing” portfolio?
ALSO- if you happen to be near a college with a good sized fine arts program, look into geriatric art therapy. You may be able to hire a compassionate student who would enjoy working with her.
Perhaps you can introduce that as a positive, something that you will cherish after she is gone, heading her in that direction as a special request.
"I live with my 93-year-old mother. She is getting confused and putting a ton of toilet paper in the toilet. Last week we had $6000 worth of damage and tonight the toilets clogged again.
She was an artist and has this fixed idea that she took a portfolio of her work in a cab to a friend's house and it is lost. She wants me to call all these cab companies."
Your profile doesn't say she has a diagnosis of dementia, yet this is what it can look like.
Are you the PoA for your Mom? If so, I would read the document to see what activates your authority to make decisions in her own best interests.
Then I would get her in for a full physical to discount any other heath issues that can mimic dementia -- a UTI in particular, which is treatable with antibiotics. Once there they can also perform a cognitive and memory test.
In the meantime here are some rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid burnout.
I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you sort through next steps with your Mom.