How can I convince my father to go to the hospital?

Where are you, Nancyb? I'm trying to figure out why he would be going to a hospital for a checkup? Usually that happens at a clinic or doctor's office in the US.

Could you give us a little more information? How old is Father? What are the medicines for? How do you know he isn't taking them? How is his health getting worse each day? For example, is he coughing more, unable to stand, not eating, etc.

Nancy, it might be time for you to start administering his medications yourself and not leaving it up to him. Just put them on a little plate and cheerily say, "And here's your dessert!" Make light of it. If he refuses ask him to do it for you. If he continues to refuse there's not much more you can do about it but at least you will have tried.

As for him getting a check-up sit him down and tell him you are worried about him and would like for him to go for a check-up with the Dr. Tell him if he doesn't want to do it for himself then please do it for you, that it would make you feel so much better. Tell him that it's not right that you're more concerned about this health than he is. Yes, lay on a little guilt. But again, if he continues to refuse you can't force him to go.

And jeannegibbs questions are good ones. How is his health getting worse each day?

Unless he has been certified incompetent and you have MPOA, there isn't much you can do. As the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water...". Stop nagging him and let him do what he is going to do. You cannot stop a person from wanting to die and all the worrying about it will make you sick. Just love him and ASK him what HE wants.

Nancy -- It's hard to second-guess stubborn parents who are their own worst enemy, but do you have any idea why your father is so invested in self-neglect? Depressed by loss of wife? Angry that career, etc cut short by health issues? Or is this "crash and burn" a life-long pattern?

One way to make an elder go to the doctor for a check-up is to tell them that their health insurance will drop if the insurance company sees they hadn't been to a doctor after a certain length of time. And without health insurance, he would need to pay the whole thing out of pockets, hundreds of dollars.

Yes, I know it is a fib, but it's a fib in the best interest of the patient.

Considering his background with cancer, heart and lung problems, maybe, he's scared of bad news. And if he hasn't been taking his meds, maybe he's scared that that has caused more harm and that the doctors will be upset with him. I know that diabetics can be that way. If their blood sugars have been running high, they may feel embarrassed and too ashamed to face their doctor. It's a challenge to convince them that the doctor is there to help and to treat them without judgment. If you can't do that, maybe suggest a new doctor. Maybe, that way he would consider it a fresh start. Just an idea. I hope he responds well.

Is it possible the writer's father has simply given up and would rather die than risk having to go through additional medical treatments or surgery?

I just thought of something. Is it possible that the hospital may be trying to put him in a nursing home and this may be why he won't go? I remember many times my elderly friend started complaining about our hospital, but I was never there on any of his visits when he went by squad. Due to circumstances, I was unable to be there anyway. It may be a good thing because most of his trips were really unnecessary as discovered. Just keeping up with your regular treatments at home will help lessen your need for the ER, but he neglected his regular treatments. Abusing resources is very unfair to whoever was paying the bill, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this is eventually treated as fraud. Abusing resources is what really drains our economy (and we wonder why our country is running out of money). Knowing this is why I now wonder what really went on in the ER, and even the squad. It may also be a good thing I didn't have a car at the time because my elderly friend may have played on my lack of knowledge of what was really going on, and perhaps he may have used me for a ride to Wade Park veteran hospital, which would've been a pretty long drive, especially through a very big unfamiliar city I almost never visit. I could've easily gotten lost not knowing where I was going, which is why hindsight now reveals that I'm glad I didn't have a car. I probably would've been very naïve enough to take him to Wade Park veteran hospital (when the trip was likely unnecessary, and it would have most likely been a wasted trip). I would've been naïve since I wasn't there on any of his ER trips.

When a person becomes a "frequent flyer" as they are referred to, at some point and elderly person who frequently visits the ER becomes an excellent candidate to be involuntarily admitted to a nursing home. I'm kind of wondering if the hospital in your area may have actually had this talk with your loved one? This is a thought that just now came to me. Maybe your loved one doesn't want to go to the hospital because maybe he doesn't want to hear them mention "nursing home." This may be only one among other reasons why he won't go, have you ever considered that as a possibility? I have a very strong hunch that is a possibility because it also happened to my elderly friend until the Fire Chief and some other people got together with him and had a very serious talk when they finally put their foot down. He was visiting the hospital on an almost daily basis which became even twice daily for breathing trouble and even infections. Yes, this must have really been pretty stressful for the medical personnel. I think everyone was probably relieved when he was eventually admitted to a nursing home where he probably belonged to all along, and it took many trips and personnel burnout to finally get him there. It really makes me wonder if he was actually threatened with court ordered guardianship, and this could be the trick that worked for him and got him to agree to go to the nursing home. He actually died a short time later, so however they got him into the nursing home was actually perfect timing though a little late. I don't know how he got up to Sandusky from where he was originally placed, but he died at a medical center in Sandusky. What really surprised me is how close to home the nursing home is, which may explain why his power chair and scooter were taken away. If he had access to either of those, he would've been an escape risk since he was that close to home. I'm also surprised that his apartment was cleaned out, repaired and rented out to someone else within three days. I think the owner did this just in case my elderly friend actually did escape the nursing home, because chances are very high he would have come straight home. I'm glad there was a team effort to prevent this from happening, because quickly running out his apartment prevented him from coming back, and taking the scooter and power chair prevented his possible escape, and yes, he was an escape risk. If you think about it, who wouldn't run as soon as they got that chance? Who wouldn't run back home after escaping? I think we all would

I'd encourage him to see a doctor, not go to a hospital. Of course, it's his life and, unless he's incompetent, you have to honor his wishes if you can't persuade him.

On the other hand, if he can't take care of himself in his current condition and he is dependent upon you, you could use some tough love and tell him that you won't take care of him any longer unless he sees a doctor (not a hospital, unless it's an emergency!).

Hospitals can be dangerous places for the elderly unless they need urgent care. Sounds like your father has chronic conditions that need monitoring and treatment. That can usually be done on an outpatient basis.

If you have a good relationship to your fathers GP you might be able to get someone from the clinic or drs office to come for a home visit. I know those might not be common everywhere, but I am unsure of where you live, so it might be an option. Also, when my mother started skipping medication and 'dropping them by accident' we decided to make sure her medication was packaged by the pharmacy in dosage bags, so that she feels less overwhelmed when it is pill time.

My mother was also afraid of the hospital because every time she went, she got bad news. She watched her husband die at the hospital she was admitted to just a few months later, so hospitals are scary. For many, it is the place where people go in and never come out.
I understand that you are worried about your father, and I wonder whether he has someone to talk to, maybe he has said something about why he is "giving up"? Maybe he is just done with all the medication? I do not know if my words are helpful, but I understand your worries. I think what you need to do is to try and establish some communication with your father to better understand his behavior. Hopefully you can get him to see someone soon.