Covid 19 nursing home visitor restrictions; how are you coping?

No easy answers, I'm afraid.

My mother's memory care facility has started something called GrandGrams which are a way to email your loved one as often as you like. My mom also has macular degeneration and can't see to read the emails, but they read them to her and send me photos of her holding the emails. We attach pictures of everything from the grandchildren to my garden, to the cat (LOTS of cat pictures!).

Perhaps you can ask if your husband's place will consider setting up something like that.

My situation is just about identical to yours, husband with Parkinson's in a nursing home, barely able to communicate by phone, etc. The huge difference is they have a wonderful staff who do all they can to keep us in touch. So I go to the window once a week and we "talk" on the phone in between even though our conversations don't make much sense but at least he knows I'm thinking of him. Can your husband still read? I've written my husband simple letters that he can look over whenever he feels like it.
The entire situation is heartbreaking I know, but I try to accept it as it is, knowing I have no control whatsoever and whatever will be will be, as cold as that sounds. It's the only way I can stay afloat during these awful times. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Francine

This is a growing problem people aren't paying enough attention to. My mother's home has been in lockdown for nearly two months. No one has had the virus yet (reportedly): no residents, no staff. So why don't they arrange more activities for residents to get together with each other? After all, it is very unlikely they will catch the virus from other residents if all the residents have remained virus-free. There is quite a bit these long-term care homes could do to alleviate the boredom and isolation, and they are not. I think they are putting their own convenience ahead of the welfare of residents. I think they want to maintain their positive "statistics" above all.

I totally sympathize with you. My mom does have dementia and can communicate on a certain level. Although she is in a memory care facility, my sisters deciding this not me, I spent 9 + hours a day with her seven days a week. I knew what she needed before she did. She calls me and wants to know why I’m not there with her. What did she do to make me stay away? It’s heart breaks thinking about her being stuck in her room all alone 24/7. That would drive a normal person crazy!!! I think if we took proper precautions we could visit at least once a week. The staff goes in and out daily. I just think it’s unfair to our loved ones to spend this time in their lives alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I placed my Mom in AL November 2019 . Mom lived with my husband and me for 6 years prior. My husband is a stage 4 cancer patient so he is high risk for COVID, as is my Mom, who has lots of underlying health conditions. It's been 2 months since the quarantine in AL and I rarely get to speak with my Mom on the phone since she is very hard of hearing. When I have spoken to her, she is her usual optimistic self, saying she can't wait until my visits (every other day) resume. I don't have the heart to tell her I don't know when that will be. Mom's apartment faces an inner courtyard in the AL, so there is no window that I can access to see Mom. My Mom actually adjusted nicely to AL and enjoyed the activities and interaction with fellow seniors. I am so torn. I want to see her again and I am tempted to bring her back home until this pandemic is over. But I don't see an end in sight! We have a "Get America Back to Work Again" plan. I am waiting for a "Get Our Seniors Back" plan. Confusion and loneliness for our loved ones is unsustainable. Yes, we need to protect our loved ones from the virus; but, I'm afraid the loneliness and isolation will destroy the quality of the life they have left. I have no answers and I feel the pain of all my fellow caregivers. There are so many of us out there.

No answer here just understanding. This is terribly hard.

I am so sorry. My mother is in a nursing home. She had dementia and is quite delusional so it's not easy to Face Time or have zoom meetings because she doesn't really get it. The last two times I cut it short because she was negative and irritable and confused. It's a small facility -- there have been no confirmed cases. I don't think this nursing home lock down/social distancing is going to end with the general "opening up of the country"again. Plus, a Fall 2020 resurgence is on the table. While I might be able to see my mother off and on by the end of the year, COVID-19 is here to stay for another couple of years.

How heartbreaking your plight is! I, too, have the problem, albeit, somewhat different. My 100 year old, bline, Mother, who has dementia, is in assisted living. She can't dial the phone to call me, so I call her every day or two. She can't see so we cannot use Facetime. The assisted living admins won't let her come down to first floor for a face-to-face window visit. So I have to stand outside her second floor window and smile, wave, and yell up a few greetings IF I can get an aide to go up to her room, where she is confined, and get her to the window, etc. She has nothing but her talking books to pass the time. She can't even work her TV anymore. She just sits in her chair all day, or she sleeps all day. It's tragic!! Now they say this could go on for two years. What are we to do? I wish I had some answers for all the folks who are stuck in this situation.

My Papa is in Rehab, heading to Long Term Care. The facility locked down the day after he got there. We last saw him the day we moved him in. He has Parkinson’s, is almost blind and extremely hard of hearing - which makes FaceTime and window visits frustrating for him. He asks daily to come home, for now we’ve told him that he can’t until the virus lockdown lifts. We are hoping he comes to accept life there a little better.

His facility hasn’t had any cases of the Coronavirus. I feel so bad for those who do. Peace and strength to everyone here.

I hear what everyone is saying. I am also in the same situation as all of your are in one way or the other. So far no cases as I know of at the home my mother is in. I thank God for that, for the patients and staff. Even though I miss my mom If this is keeping her healthy ok. COVID-19 is hard on the body. As we understand this virus is hard on all of us. The patients, those that are fighting on the front line of this horrific disease as well as the survivors. She has been through enough. Sometime she knows what is going on sometime she does not understand. But at the end of the day I know she is not on a vent, she is not in a ICU unit trying to stay alive. My heart breaks for all of us. But my mom always said "this too shall pass" And it will. We must find peace when life get overwhelming and we don't now what else to do for our love ones. When I get very sad I think of the times we made each other laugh our talks the times we have lifted each other up. She said "If God brought you to it, He will see you through it". Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". I hope these thoughts are going through her mind as I write this, because It is always going through mind.
Be strong!
ktsmom