Hello, so recently, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis and due to how sick ive been, I had to take a break from caring for my parents three and a half days out of the week. They have a caregiver 5 days a week for whats supposed to be a 5 hours a day minimum and my sister who lives on the same property so it is not as if they have been without help or care.
My question is this. After being gone from family for about 6 months, when I finally went back over there, I saw the caretaker. She pulled me aside and said, "has your dad told you that we went to talk to the attorney?" I said I know he's seen the attorney a few times recently regarding trying to get his license back, and she said, "no, this is different- they called me into the office and there was a form your dad wanted me to sign. The attorney explained it to me, and basically the form is about promising to be your parents caregiver until they die, that they both want to remain at home until they both pass away and not be put into a facility, and i was asked to sign this document legally binding me to being their caretaker until they both inevitably pass away."
I was pretty shocked to hear this...
After my prolonged absence due to my own health issues, and because my sister takes time to herself and leaves during the time the caretaker is with my parents, my dad frequently sends the caretaker home early because he doesn't want to pay for her, but then calls my sister literally crying on the phone wanting somebody to come and be home with them. My sister has stopped dropping everything and coming home immediately when she knows the caretaker is supposed to be on shift at that time and for a few more hours and it is my dad's decision to send her home early so why should my sister's personal time be decreased because my dad decides to send the caretaker home? That's not fair.
So anyway, I think my dad has gotten the idea that he cannot count on his children to take care of them both in the manner that he wants, which is to constantly have somebody right there with them all the time (even though he often sends the caretaker home early😐) so he has dragged the caretaker into a legally binding contract and my dad never mentioned this to me, not that he really has to, he is his own sovereign human being, however, his decisions have far reaching affects on the people closest to him such as my sister and i and when things become legal, i think there should be some disclosure since we are all trying to do the same thing, which is take care of them at home and Grant them their wishes.
My sister and I both want nothing more than to keep them both at home also...we are shocked at him dragging the caretaker into a legal contract and not mentioning it. Sure maybe he's concerned he would upset my sister and i, but I don't understand how that would upset either of us. In fact, we are grateful to know somebody's willing to stick around through thick and thin, it just seems weird that it's being done secretly. I mean, something like this, I should have been told by my father, not the caretaker pulling me aside.
I am written down in the will and the trust as the executor of the estate and power of attorney once my father passes away, but I have no legal rights until then, which is fine, but I don't know if I should ask the attorney for a copy of this paperwork to put with the will and the trust, or if I should not do that because my dad is still able to make contracts with whoever the heck he wants in the world so why should i have a copy of that paperwork? I'm just simply wondering if I should get a copy of this to put with the will and the trust.
Thanks for your time and consideration.
So, time for you and sis to speak with dad.
Do know that there is NO SUCH THING as a form that binds you to caring for someone for life.
That's called SLAVERY and it is done.
You will need to follow up with your own family and their attorney to see what is happening with your own family. I DO worry about what the caretaker signed.
It makes for a good story, but we can't know what's up. Sure hope you update us as you and sis check this all out, because I am curious and would love to know.
Wishing you the best.
POA is only while the person is alive. It gives you the ability to help your parents with their finances. You can pay bills from their funds. Sometimes sell property. You need to get and read the POA. Its null and void once the principle passes then the Executor takes over. There is immediate, your able to help the minute the POA is signed. Springing, you need a doctor or doctors to declare Dad incompetent so you can help him even place him if needed.
Sure hope that she didn't sign it, would be a very bad move on her part.
I would get a copy, I would also get a DPOA, this could be one bumpy ride without one, there will be no one to step in and make sound decisions.
I'm guessing that if she in fact did sign anything it may have been perhaps as a witness on his POA documents, as those do require 2 different people to sign.
So instead of you wasting your time worrying about this issue, just ask your dad exactly what the caregiver signed if in fact it was anything at all.
Your dad seems to be taking some unusual liberties regarding his care.
You’re fortunate that the caregiver spoke to you about this matter. If this contract exists, I hope that the caregiver didn’t sign it.
No one can predict what the future holds. Depending on the circumstances, she may or may not want to care for him indefinitely!
She shouldn’t be legally bound to him.
Call the attorney if you want and see what he says.
The whole situation sounds bizarre to me.
Also, don’t disregard the possibility of having to place your dad in a facility if it becomes necessary in the future.
This whole situation abounds with legal manipulations, possible untruths, misinformation and family dysfunction up the wazoo.
Start with asking dad what’s going on. Distance from the caregiver until you find out. Then contact dad’s lawyer and ask for as much information as possible.
Good luck with all of it.
I'd be calling the attorney to see what it really was about, because I'd file a complaint with the state bar for legal malpractice if he actually drew up such a contract.
Have you seen this contract?
Dad's losing his marbles a bit, I'd say, and he needs to be evaluated by his physician.
My first assumption is your dad told the caregiver wrong or the caregiver misunderstood. I hope that is the case. If this is really what happened, then a bomb just dropped on you.
Legal malpractice and your dad’s cognitive skills now require him to be placed.
Ask your dad to see the forms and use your phone to take pics of them. Don’t say what you are doing. Just quickly take pics and then put your phone away.
I truly hope you will update us when you figure out just what has happened here.
Best wishes to you.