Really close to 'hanging up' on Dad. What do I do?
So, a continuation of an earlier question... Dad (91, depression, Parkinson's, living in Mass. while I'm in Michigan) has been in a geriatric psych ward for about 10 days following a hospital visit and increasing bouts of hostility and delusions (eg, strangers living in the house). He was started on Exalon and Seraquel last Wed, and there were apparently a couple of good conversations with my stepmom and stepbrother. I was out there this weekend and visited in person, and spent a nice two hours with him and stepmom. By that evening, he had forgotten completely. Have since had three conversations with him (one Sunday, two today) all along the same lines: "When am I getting out? Why aren't you helping me?" He says no one has seen him today, when the charge nurse tells me he was seen by both the psychiatrist and the social worker this morning. The phone calls are not productive for either him or me (not to mention I do have a 9-5 job which I rather need to keep, given that he has only $10K left in his bank account and no other assets besides his home). I know there is more testing to come as they adjust the meds. What do I do? What can I do?
I am currently trying to figure out if it time related, example Dad seems more confused after dinner... lately I call him just before the first setting of dinner at the senior living facility... we chat for a couple of minutes then Dad is ready to head down the hall.
Sometimes I will call Dad and he had totally forgotten that his caregiver was with him all morning. He will say he had no breakfast or lunch... then I would try to tell him yes he did, with no luck. I know, I shouldn't try to correct someone with memory problems.... I need to learn to play along [it worked with my Mom, it was so much easier doing that with her].
You say your dad is in a geriatric psych ward. I would think that they would be able to find a treatment plan for him, but what does the doctor say? I don't know of any way to repair the memory loss.
I think I might hope for the best and call when you feel you are prepared for it. And maybe you can take the lead on the phone call. Stay positive and redirect the comments. He may stop making those comments about leaving eventually.
Know that most family members encounter it, it's not your fault and that he's where he needs to be. People with the conditions that he has often are difficult to treat and happiness may be illusive for them. I'd try to focus on those visits that are positive. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
Since your dad isn't in his right mind, it's not doing either of you any good to have him rant at you over and over again. He won't remember five minutes later, but you will and that's not helping you. This is tough stuff for all of us and you've got it particularly rough. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Rainmom: Good heavens--your experience sounds identical to mine. The slight bit of good news, such as it is, is that my brother and I--both not local--appear now to be taking most of the heat, making it just a bit easier for stepmom. Dare I ask--what is the "different strategy" that manifested?