I am the full time caregiver for my 85 yr old mother-in-law. I am 55 and have left my job to provide her care. She has the on set of dementia and is recovering from a very bad UTI. She was never a pleasant or nice person so this is especially difficult. My question is: how do I deal with a person that may have dementia, definitely does have memory loss, but remains as rude and thoughtless as she ever was? I am 55 and my husband and I have completely changed our lives to accommodate her. She has fewer episodes of dementia since I have started caring for her, but she is not capable of caring for herself at all. During episodes, her personality is completely different; she is actually pleasant and sweet. As her mind has seemingly been improving, her normal toxic personality is seen more. I do not know how to deal with this. Sometimes I feel hurt, sometimes I am frustrated, and sometimes I feel guilty. How do I cope with this?
Who is managing her care? Is she on any meds for depression/anxiety/agitation, which often accompany dementia? If she is not, you may find it useful to have her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist.
Talk to hubby now about moving her into a NH. You are fast approaching the time when you cannot give her the care she needs at all..and you are sacrificing your own health and life.
Talk this through with hubby. Calmly, just a fact based discussion.