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How are they managing their medications?
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Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Sometimes just letting it go is the best way to deal with something like that. It is surprising how often things take care of themselves when you can stop fighting it. Good luck!
I am the middle child as well. I has three sisters who always have a excuse not to come around. I am caregiver for my Mom and Dad. It gets very frustrating to hear my Mom sing their praises when my sisters have no idea how hard it is to deal with or take care of my parents. And especially no desire to help. But, I try to just shut all the negative stuff out of my mind and focus on the day. I use a day planner and always leave time for doing something for myself.... Hang in there, it does fall into a normal routine after awhile. :)
This happened recently to me. I finally got fed up with hearing how well off all my siblings were and that they'd not have to worry about their future, or how wonderful they were to him. I (sorry) lost my temper and told him that I was tired of hearing it and reminded him that NONE of them put their life on hold to take care of him. He hasn't said word one on that subject since.
Elizza hit the nail on the head. And your 'online name MIDDLECHILD47 tells me alot too.
I am a middle "adult" too 57 and ran into MANY of the same things I am sure you are facing. SO, Iearned to use that 'do no wrong' ideal that my mother felt for others to HELP HER!!
When she didn't want to 'bathe' I would tell her (ok.. LIE to her) and say that 'youngest son' was coming over and "didn't she want to look her best?" Or when she didn't want to do any number of other things!
I had to learn to let go of it or lose my mind. I will add this, if you are doing most of the support for your mother and she is in your home, GET THEM INVOLVED. Tell them you are going out of town, working late, have to do this or that, and you need THEM at the house to care for Mom. If they refuse and they live close enough, tell them MOM IS COMING FOR A VISIT WITH YOU! And then follow through.
If Mom is in a facility, do what YOU feel is best and you will be able to sleep at night knowing that once she is gone, YOU won't feel the guilt that will overwhelm them.
And just a personal suggestion, make peace with the fact that some of us are Cinderella, BUT we get to go to the ball too!! Prince Charming will see to that. Sounds corny doesn't it? But it is true. Oh, and Prince Charming doesn't always come riding in on a white horse, sometimes he drives a ... (fill in the blank).
I know this isn't easy, and sometimes I wished I was an only child, now it seems I am since my mother has passed. But I don't mind it at all. I have 'sisters and brothers' online ALL over the place, and I know they will listen to me and my advise SO much quicker than my 'real siblings'.
Nopicnic is right: make sure you make time for yourself just like your siblings are doing. Sounds like they are thinking of themselves first. I do what I call re-directing. When my mom goes on and on about one of my brothers, then asks me to do some task, I say "Wouldn't you rather have brother do it for you? Why don't you call him up?" It has helped as a gentle way to remind her that I am the one that is there. Brothers show up 3 - 4 times a year, usually when a holiday reminds them (i.e. Mothers Day, Christmas, her birthday, etc.)
There seems to be a trend that I've noticed, that when the absent or unwilling child DOES happen to do something for the parent, they think it's so wonderful that they rave about it. Kinda like the puppy that is kicked on a regular basis, then when the owner DOES show affection for it, they lap it up. It's sorta like passive abuse to me, throw the parent a few bones every now and then, then reap the rewards of that parent thinking I'm wonderful.
Isn't ti amazing how far a parent will go to "excuse" some of their children's behavior while taking you for granted? You can see how your siblings treat your mother, she cannot...she feels special when they do anything or just, "show up." Meanwhile, you are there, (and probably always have been) she thinks it's "easier" for you....or, you aren't as busy as they are., or as "special" or in demand. Just because you are responsible, reliable and devoted, they all think it's because it's easy for you.".just the way you are", your "nature." They are excusing themselves, and your mother would have to admit they didn't "turn out" as well as you did! You could enlighten everyone and tell them, it's not always easy, it has been difficult and you have made sacrifices they were not willing to make. You have done their work-for long enough and want their involvement from this time on. It means will need to straighten your backbone and gather your self respect to give them a clear picture-then expect more of their support...they will continue to allow you to carry the burden if you do it.
well they probably think that u have it all covered, unless u have said otherwise, I guess the minute I read this I thought of me, always the approval seeker when it comes to my mom, I would go way over and beyond the call the call of duty, to get her approval........maybe just because they DONT fawn all over her, is why she is the way she is with them,she probably figures they will come around, or even the way I sought moms approval, she is doing the same with them? All I can think of to do, is let them know directly what it is u need as far as support, see how and if they are willing to help out.........Guess you will never know if you dont give it a try and ask?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am a middle "adult" too 57 and ran into MANY of the same things I am sure you are facing. SO, Iearned to use that 'do no wrong' ideal that my mother felt for others to HELP HER!!
When she didn't want to 'bathe' I would tell her (ok.. LIE to her) and say that 'youngest son' was coming over and "didn't she want to look her best?" Or when she didn't want to do any number of other things!
I had to learn to let go of it or lose my mind. I will add this, if you are doing most of the support for your mother and she is in your home, GET THEM INVOLVED. Tell them you are going out of town, working late, have to do this or that, and you need THEM at the house to care for Mom. If they refuse and they live close enough, tell them MOM IS COMING FOR A VISIT WITH YOU! And then follow through.
If Mom is in a facility, do what YOU feel is best and you will be able to sleep at night knowing that once she is gone, YOU won't feel the guilt that will overwhelm them.
And just a personal suggestion, make peace with the fact that some of us are Cinderella, BUT we get to go to the ball too!! Prince Charming will see to that. Sounds corny doesn't it? But it is true. Oh, and Prince Charming doesn't always come riding in on a white horse, sometimes he drives a ... (fill in the blank).
I know this isn't easy, and sometimes I wished I was an only child, now it seems I am since my mother has passed. But I don't mind it at all. I have 'sisters and brothers' online ALL over the place, and I know they will listen to me and my advise SO much quicker than my 'real siblings'.