They beat me throughout my childhood - kicked me out at 17 yrs. old. My mother is 90 & in Hospice at home with dementia (20 months now) - she is immobile. My stepfather has COPD & is still abusive. He has always been a bully. I helped them as long as I could until I could no more. I cut contact & blocked their phone numbers a month ago. No other family members are helping. I know he won't call me when she goes, out of spite. He will look the other way when he sees me in the store. He's done it before. I always felt as if I didn't exist or matter around them - as if I wasn't there. I don't hate them, I just don't want to be around them. The guilt I feel not helping these almost helpless people is sometimes overwhelming. I lie when friends ask me : How's Mom? It's hard to come up with pleasant memories about either of them...
Your "parents" can book the guilt trip you do not have to pack your bags and go on the trip.
Are you listed with Hospice as being able to get information as to how mom is doing? If so if you desire you can contact the Hospice team and ask how things are going. And you can be asked to be notified when she is at EOL (end of life) if you wish. If you are not listed as being able to get information then it is not your "fault" or responsibility to track down the information.
Just tell yourself you are better than they deserve and go on with your life. No one should be abused mentally, physically or emotionally and I think they are still abusing you mentally and emotionally. If you are not seeking counseling you might want to consider it. Just a way to verbalize your feelings in a safe setting.
God bless you for even caring!!
I have been wrestling with similar all be it not so extreme issues.
For what it's worth, you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day! Do what you can. Except what you can't do.
No good will come from feeling guilty!
When it's possible, we have to remove ourselves from people who hurt us!
We can't change others, but we can change how we react to them.
Hang in there!!