Our mother is 79 years she is confined in a wheelchair. She attend day care during the day. We each have her four months which has work out ok until now it's a sister time to get mom and she states she can't take mom due to her health. Mom has parkinson and real bad arthritis, mild dementia. We bathe and do all her grooming. She can feed herself somewhat. We believe she is trying to get out of taking her turn with mom. I personally don't want to place her in nursing home right now. I just need some guidance on how to make the correct decision for mom.
Is it feasible to take Mom six months a year? Are there other things the ill sister could do as her contribution? Who pays the bills, does the taxes, etc.? How far apart are you geographically? Could Sick Sis do some respite for each of you during your turns? If you all have been doing well sharing the load, it would be shame to let this turn of events spoil your relationship. You will most likely have your sisters longer than you will have your mother, and maintaining that relationship is very important.
I think it might be wise to see what services your mom might be eligible for in the counties where you sisters live. For example, could she get someone in to help her with baths? It is great that she goes to a day program. Lessening the burden on you might allow you to keep her home longer. I suggest start with calling Social Services in your county.
It is possible that the time will come when a nursing home is the best option for your mother and for the rest of you. If you don't feel that time is here yet, I hope you can work out a way for the two well sisters to continue the in-home care, with the sister who feels unable to to this taking on an appropriate role she can handle.
Good luck!
I'm not excusing your sister, however if she truly is unable to provide the extensive care your mother needs, then the situation isn't good for your mother. Even if your sister just doesn't want to provide that kind of care anymore - if she did so reluctantly - that wouldn't be good for your mother, either. Your mother would likely pick up on your sister's attitude and feel like a burden.
It sounds like your mom needs a great deal of care. She goes to day care, so she has some experience being in that type of setting. She may be better off in a nursing home where you can visit her as a refreshed daughter, rather than provide constant care the way you are doing. You need a break from this, and you mother could benefit. Best of luck. If you can work this out with your sister, that's great. But I have my doubts. It may be time for a change.
Carol