My dad had successful surgery a couple weeks ago and is in rehab at a very nice nursing home. He is physically strong for 87, but has dementia and his manic/depressive/egotistic/delusions of grandeur personality is as bad as ever. The nursing home dropped the pay-down to medicaid bomb on me - 5 years of all records etc. $8,000+ per month etc.
Question: What if I just didn't pick him up from rehab? What would they do? I've put myself in a lather trying to figure out where to put him. What if I just left him there? I'm not bringing him home. I simply don't want him anymore. I'm sorry - I don't want him around me. I don't want to care for him. I'd be just happy if they kept him and liened his property and social security etc. I don't mind that - it seems they'd do that anyway. Would they put him in a car and bring him to my doorstep? Would they just keep him and apply for medicaid themselves? What would they do? Does anyone know?
To the others - there are some here who care for a parent who has mentally, emotionally and or physically and sometimes sexually abused them all their life. It is not recommended by experts that those care givers give hands-on care, but rather see that others care for their parent. Blueridge seems to fall in that category - "his manic/depressive/egotistic/delusions of grandeur personality is as bad as ever". I fall in that category and would never do hands on caregiving of my mother, but see that she is cared for at arm's length. Yes, the parent has been that bad, and yes we are still involved, as we do care. Staying at arm's length is done for self preservation.
BlueRidge - sounds like it is time to hand over the responsibility to the professionals, step back and start looking after yourself. If you refuse to take him back, saying you are not able to care for him - say so, stand your ground to whoever, and then they are obliged to find a placement for him. Tell them that you are past the end of your tether, that he has been abusive all your life and you cannot take any more. Good luck and come back and let us know who you make out.. ((((((hugs)))) do something good for you today.
You want him to have the best care but that doesn't mean you have to do it physically yourself. Your life is important and you deserve to enjoy it!
Best of luck!
So, what if you refused to pick him up from rehab? That is the right question: find out what the next steps are, based on the firm premise that his coming back to your care is Not An Option.
Also, re-reading, it sounds as if there may be no problem. If the NH has set the financial process out for you, and you're content to comply with it, is there any reason you can't just go along? And further if you're happy with the NH's standards and they also provide long term care, so much the better: long-term solution, right first time. I'd call that a result.
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