Disoriented or confused or something else?

Your father has suffered strokes; as a result, there is a good chance he's now suffering from dementia as a result of those strokes. This is very commonly seen in elders who have had strokes, which affect the brain and cause damage, which was the case with my mom. Dementia IS brain damage, which is irreversible. As you write these posts, it sounds more and more like dad is going down the dementia highway, unfortunately.

What you 'tell' a dementia patient who's confused and disoriented is anything that will keep him calm. And use distraction techniques if he's persistent about 'going home' or continues that line of thinking, insisting he's NOT 'home' but needs to GET home right away, which is common with dementia. Dad can have times of true lucidity where everything is fine, and other times where he's truly confused, completely; that's the nature of brain damage. It can change from day to day, from hour to hour, too, there is no rhyme or reason to it. It can be especially bad upon waking or in the late afternoons which is known as Sundowning.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. *The booklet refers a lot to Alzheimers, but the info pertains to ALL the dementias*

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2


Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience

The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment

As time goes by, if dad continues to be confused/disoriented, notify his PCP and get him tested for dementia with a short MoCA or SLUMS test which will score him and give you a baseline for where he's at, cognitively, right now. It's helpful to have that baseline score for future testing as he progresses.

Best of luck.

Some people never return to how they were before they had their stroke.

My father was never the same after he had his stroke. He did rehab and speech therapy. They helped some but he never fully recovered.

It’s perfectly normal for you to be sad. It hurt me too, seeing that my parents health was going downhill.

Vent all you want on this forum. Most of us have vented here when we were caregiving for our parents.

Wanting to "go home" is a feature of dementia called Sundowning. It usually occurs in the afternoons. The home he is referrring to is his childhood home (because that's what is in his long-term memory), not the home he in which he currently lives. Over time he may become more and more adamant about "going home" and as you see a pattern emerge you will need to take steps to distract him at this time of day.

Dementia robs people of their ability to use logic, reason, memory and empathy and takes away their inhibitions. This forum has a lot of very experienced "veterans" with all sorts of wisdom and solutions to come back to find answers or ask any other questions as they arise. Wishing you all the best on this journey!

I would get Dad a good physical to rule out anything physical. He could be having mini strokes. My Dad woke up confused because his carotid artery was plugged up and he was not getting any oxygen to his brain. Within 30 min he was himself. When no physical problem is found then its an MRI to see if there are signs of a dementia. You need a written diagnosis and you need to find out what type of Dementia so the correct medication is given.